LoveAboveViolence

to the end

2010-08-24T20:43:00.002+08:00

i wish August would end faster. i also wish August would move slower. i want it to end, because that means i'd be done and over with the Marketing module, and i want it to move a tad slower so i'd have more time for my assignments. and for some reason i can't wait for raya. not really looking forward to it, but i just want to get there. and suddenly, it feels like there are a gazillion things to do. i'm not just talking about my assignments. it's.. well the preparation for raya, of course. and the money to fork out for, cleaning sprees, fixing my hair.. <-- haha bimbotic much. lol ok be leaving now. bye balls.

deadbeat

2010-08-19T20:20:00.005+08:00

eventhough it's only the 19th, i feel like the month is wrapping up already. and i've never felt so restless. two assigments due next week and the week after, and i'm not even halfway through to completing even ONE. Advertising final assignment isn't as stressful as Marketing Overview assignment. i don't know where the hell to begin for that one. jeez.

and my dad's condition now is so not good.. he's back with the hallucinations and i PRAY it won't last over a week like the previous one. eventhough it was Anis our helper, who look after him most of the time, i just can't stop worrying about them. i mean, whenever he hallucinates, it's like he's pumped with energy and he can move around faster than the usual, strong enough to punch someone, even. yes, it's that scary. so i'm just afraid he'd try to get up by himself. although he moves better, he's still not strong enough to stand on his two feet. which means if he tries to get up he'll definitely fall flat.

apart from hurting himself, i'm also worried he'd hurt Anis. especially when no one's at home. it's a good thing i'm not working today and that both of my grandparents are around. not that they can pin my dad down if he ever becomes aggressive, it's just that my family realise that he won't give that much attitude if there are guests at our house. i think my paternal grandma will only stay over for tonight. so tomorrow when she goes home, i leave for school and no one's around, i hope Anis won't have so much difficulty looking after him.

side project for the school is drawing to a close soon. i think. i've already contacted the two vendors and i think Shuyi has chosen the vendor to print the vinyl stickers. idk if i'm happy with the designs i did for the signages to put around the school. it's supposed to be simple, but it looks dead simple, almost boring. nonetheless, i hope once we've put them up, it'd look suuuweeet. but don't take that last sentence as a sign that i'm stress-free about the side project. it's quite a headache. sigh.

another side project which is not school-related, is making me a worrywart. it's not helping that the computer in my room broke down AGAIN, some weeks back and my cousin's been fixing it eversince. so i'm Adobe-less, and THAT in itself is the most unfortunate thing to happen to someone who needs it almost everyday. i'm like a fish out of water. ok that's slightly exaggerating but it's the only thing/phrase i can relate myself with. so now i can't work on that project, but i've handed over the responsibility to my web-designer classmate. he's like The King in our school when it comes to web-design. even the school seeked his help. so yeap, i hope he'll deliver it well. so to the lovely couple at Frrust!: i hope u'd already received my email, and i'll look forward to your reply. an eternity of apology i ask from you. ):

the reprints of my Year 1 FYP are causing slight headache. ok by headache i don't literally mean headache-need-panadol-extra, but just something that can get me all kanchiong. i did some mistakes with the reprinted documents and how i feel like bitchslapping myself then. seriously. i'm not really a perfectionist, but i guess the fact that the school's gonna keep my work and maybe display it, kind of build that pressure up. ah whatever. 90% of them look fine anyway so i'm not gonna let the small flaws a big issue.

well to sum things up, August makes me one fine kanchiong spider. i may appear relax, smiling and all, procrastinating on the assignments.. but i guess as of this week onwards, i'd be a dead duck if i don't progress. god damnit Belle get ur brain working!!!

last but not least, on the emotional side, idk how, or what to feel anymore. it's lost as well. lost in the lalang. but for some reason, as i'm typing this, i feel like i miss something. someone. hmm. maybe the emotion's finally finding its way back home. that's always a good sign. and a good start to end the month.

i fxckin repel technology

2010-07-23T08:46:00.003+08:00

putting family and friends aside, the worst thing that could happen to me is if my computer die on me. and it did. it won't function properly for two bloody days now. when i turned it on, it would only get to the first stage of the startup and it just got stuck there. as in it won't even move on to the next stage whereby it'll normally show "Windows XP Home Edition" with the loading bar below it. if it won't even pass that then there isn't any chance of it getting to the desktop page. and now i don't have freakin' access to Adobe and life is going to be hell for me. school life that is. ok no screw "school life", really "life" in general, is going to be hell for me since using of Adobe plays a crucial part in my life, considering that i've chosen to get my hands dirty in a career that requires me to use a lot of Adobe. yeah sure i can always get a new comp or a MacBook, but hey it's not like money's gonna rain on me and give me flood like in Ochard Road! (ok that sounds lame but whatever)

the worst part is my teacher wants to see my work TODAY and i haven't got no shit to show her because of the stupid failure! the only solution i can think of right now is to go to school everytime i need to use Adobe buttt for how long must i do that?! omg ugh ok i actually hate to rant my complaints and anger out like this because it seems pointless, like it's not a big deal, but the problem is, it IS a big deal for me! ugh ok whatev i'm gonna stop now, maybe go watch Stefan for awhile (hehe current craze) then try to knock some sense into Compaq. bye.

80km/h

2010-07-14T20:49:00.004+08:00

life has been going fast and fearless. for the past month, it seemed like there are so many things to do; socially and.. staying-at-home-ly. let's see, there was the colourful birthday celebration of Ju and Anizah's (the Zoo peeps) and the lot of us girls ganged up for a surprise treasure hunt cum dare games whereby they were distributed with clue cards created by yours truly (heheheh okeh somebody smack meh), and i really really didn't expect the two of them to really took up the challenge and do all those embarrassing dares! Skinny Lydia was the mastermind behind all of the set-up and the rest of us just did our part for everything else. it was at Marina Barrage, and i swear, at that time, just hanging around at the rooftop can cause some serious skin damage my god.

and while we're on the topic of my Zoorifik mates, Lydia, Apri, Wiwi and i went karaoke a few days before the picnic party.. and i tell you, i am SO not design for karaoke-ing. srsly. but it was fun seeing some two monkeys singing and going nuts over their selected songs. ^^b

the last two weekends of June was simply uh-may-zing! all of my dear beloved cousins from my mom's side managed to get their weekends off from whatever, and cut ourselves some slack for a game of PAINTBALL! it was at JB, and thank goodness Awin's family has a house over there, so we stayed up (almost) the whole night watching A-Team (in Russian), then the A-Team (in Russian) watched us back because apparently all of us dozed off not even halfway through the movie. there were some miscommunications with the organizer about the paintball though, but thankfully it was nothing so majorly over-the-top serious, so everything was settled properly and i swear, all 14 of us just seemed to feel more bonded with each other. proof? all of us started friend-ing each other on FB. ok la maybe that's not a good proof, but i am very sure that we all feel that way. *aww feeling all warm and fuzzy inside*

saw Mae at *scape, celebrated Dad's birthday.. oh and speaking of him, he was admitted again around 3 (or 4?) weeks ago. blood in urine. it was really scary when it first happened at home. things of course got better once he got admitted and he was outta there two weeks later. yes, he's doing fine at home now. and i have to say, it's kind of easier to look after him in the middle of the night now. thankfully he didn't ask to be messaged 24/7 like he used to, which means i could still have some full 2 or 3 hours of sleep. that's not so much, i know, but it definitely beats to be awoken every 10mins everytime when i'm just about to doze off.

as for school (yes, i really can't stop myself from talking about school, geez no life much?) is getting waayyy inresting now. Shuyi's starting to claim back my hours. as in, i'm tied with the scholarship contract blablabla, so i have to contribute my time and effort doing things for the school. something like earning CPA points, in a secondary-school term kind of thing. been assigned to create some signages since the school's still in the process of some "facelift". of course i'm stoked about it. can't wait to execute them all. still, it's really pressurising. and time consuming. and the Marketing module is reeaalllyy not helping. that consumes more time and i haven't start a single nishnash for the project and i have no clue where to start. and i'm telling you, that is my first ever class in CMA that i felt like dozing off.

haha ok then there's Eclipse. i can't really give a bad rating to it (pretty biased actually) coz no matter what, the Twilight Saga has a special spot in me... ok now i sound like crap. =.= but what i mean is, i guess i'm so attached with the book version that i don't want to say the opposite about the movie. i mean, the movie's not at all crappy. just a little draggy and they made it look/sound cheesy in certain scenarios. but i'm fully satisfied with the fighting scene wooo go Team Edward! anticipating much for Breaking Dawn now. most fave sequel amongst all the 4. ^^b

okay, i guess i'm sounding very chirpy and perky and stuff.. probably because of the GST off-set plus my good good pay this month? hehe. it sucks though, that "money" is the reason for me feeling exceptionally happy. and in fact, it's not like i had spent them on anything lyuxurious for myself. it's still the same ol' same ol' junk i splurged on: food. yeaapp. but i guess it's more to the fact that i still have sufficient left which i (so far) managed to save up. and also the fact that June had been really kind to me. July's pretty ok too. let's see, tomorrow after work will be going for Jo Ann's birthday celebration, then the Friday will be meeting my Pinky and.. oh! Radz's birthday! hmmm wonder what's the plan for her..

well, off to burn some peanut butter toast now. will be back.. next month. or sooner? adios amighost.

fml

2010-06-08T00:29:00.004+08:00

i'm really going paranoic about this little thing called "money". i can barely survive for the whole month, meaning if i was put in a desperate situation, i have to depend on somebody else for money. namely my mom. do you know how fucking stupid and embarassing that is for me? and i'm beginning to feel pretty useless of myself coz at this stupid age of 22 i have barely a hundred dollars in my bank by the middle of each month. i should've had a full-time job or maybe one that pays more considering my family's financial problems. yet here i am, not doing anything in that department. on top of that, i owe someone three hundred fucking dollars which is like %$#%^&. whatever that means. saving up money is not easy. can take years. how much longer will it take me to have enough for marriage? yes, marriage. fuck you if you're laughing and mocking me about this coz to me, i should have sufficient money to support myself, for wedding, for married life. and for my family too of course. sole purpose of saving money will have to boil down to all that. for my life anyway. even if my husband will be some rich ass bastard i still would like to have my own savings since i dont wish to depend on other people entirely for money. it just doesn't feel right. i hope by tomorrow i'd feel better about this. or maybe i have to wait till weekends when the babyboy books out coz sometimes he has the most comforting words ever. sigh, money makes the world go round huh. money makes my world (and head) spin, is more like it. ugh this is getting more irritating to prolong this talk about money. i better get some rest while the father is getting his. at the moment anyway. and sorry for this whole chunck of pragraph. can't be bothered.

spontaneous

2010-06-05T02:55:00.005+08:00

it's nice if:
1. you live 10 mins walk away from your boyfriend's house
2. the two of you are going out for a dinner at a nearby food court
3. he doesn't care how messed up and masai you look (and smell)
4. because the truth is, you haven't bathe since morning

and as it turned out, he too hadn't bathe since the morning he woke up in camp! the best part was we didn't stink. haha. hidop mau pangrok.

well, i'm looking forward to work later! i think the lunch will be pretty good. and my shift ends early. oh and it's pay day! :D hopefully i'd have sufficient left after i pay for my school fee.. although i am expecting some stupid shortage again.. oh well. midnight movie after that. after sooo long!

hmm ok this is funny that just my previous post i was all angsty like Scary Spice and now i'm all bubblegum pop. must be the fact that i'm finally going out later on since yesterday (friday) i ended up staying home celebrating my dad's birthday. anyhoots, till the next post.

down down down down

2010-06-04T14:24:00.006+08:00

a new skin usually sets the mood to get me back into blogging more frequently. but then this is not an entirely new skin, since i created this like.. what, 2 years ago? supposedly i was gonna make this skin for public use. like i put the codes up and you guys can just rip it for your own blog.. provided that all the credits are to stay intact and not modified in any way. but i'm a little to0 lazy to come up with a new one so bahh, might as well just get this one since i've decided not to make this for public use.

anyway lately i just don't feel right at home. idk, most likely coz of my dad, coz everytime it's my turn to look after him in the wee hours of the morning, i just don't have the patience anymore. in short, i was like the daughter escaped from hell.. and i'm more than likely to end up there for real. i hate myself for behaving this way and umpteen times have i told myself to just be patient about this. just take a deep breath if i start to get annoyed and give out a big sigh if it helps. i don't have to say anything more, i don't have to complain or.. well, i just don't have to be verbal. when people are angry they tend to say things they don't mean.

but thankfully even if i did complain a lot, i've always been aware enough as to not say anything utterly mean that i might regret later on. well it's really hard to describe. this whole thing is really bugging me so much. it'll be 2 years coming November that he's like this. 2 years, damnit. and frankly, i'm still having a hard time adapting to this. so hard to accept.

aside from that, i guess it's safe to say i've completed my Year 1. i did my final presentation some Saturdays ago and i was really surprised by the remarks of the 3 panels. they seemed pleased with my work. of course i got some not-so-good feedbacks but they were constructive feedbacks. our results are still not out yet. but i can't wait to get my cert. my diploma. i am soooo gonna make use of that and be successful.

i really think it's high time that i start looking for a permanent full-time job. but then i'll be starting my Year 2 very soon. on the 14th, to be precise. i ever considered of applying as an intern for Juice magazine, since they put up an ad in their May issue looking for a DESIGN INTERN. you have NO idea how stoked i was upon reading that and how i felt like turning on the computer and send them my resume right there and then. but thanks to my cock-up website which has now been taken down due to the cock-up webhost i signed up with, my website is obviously un-viewable. well i've been wanting to revamp my site anyway so even if my previous site was viewable i wasn't gonna send them the link. and even if my site was all perfect and stuff i don't think it's a good idea that i apply for the position.. coz well in case i get the part i don't think i'm able to cope. i mean, i'm given a scholarship for Year 2 and i'm like tied up with a contract. by accepting the scholarship i'm supposed to do any side projects i am given. and there's like a limit to how many hours per month i have to do these side projects which of course, is in conjunction with outside companies.

so if i don't do well for thse side projects i'm actually giving a bad name to the school and myself right? wow this is sounding really serios. and i'm actually very nervous for Year 2. mostly because there'll be a lot of like marketing and advertising stuff.. dry subjects and i don't think i'm cut out for it. oh well. all the more i should set my focus and study well right? right.

so. tgif huh. it's raining cats and dogs now. i wish it wasn't. idk i just quite down right now and the rain is the last thing i need. oh ad it's my dad's birthday today. meh. lazy to stay home and celebrate .

god i'm such a mother_|_er.

it's april already?!?!

2010-04-09T07:16:00.004+08:00

harrow peepurr (that's "hello people")! so far things have been pretty productive. and stressful. school wise, i'm left with web-design which i'm sooo not in the mood for, and then in two weeks' time, will be presentation day with Anthon, but just on Powerpoint. which means i don't have to rush to print my work yet. the real presentation day with all my printed mock-ups will be in the following week. so i guess i have ample time for that. the only problem is, the longer i take to print my work, the more likely i am to burn my money on the unnecessary. by "unnecessary", i mean food, impromptu temptations to buy stuff that's non-school related.. like food. heh. speaking of which, i seriously think i eat way way waaayy too much! and the weighing scale was being brutally honest yesterday. :(

so what's been going on recently is that, Dear' now in NS. i'm not sure whether i've mentioned this in my previous post(s) and i'm lazy to open a new window to check, but yes, he's in there, while i'm out here, considerably lucky that i have my school projects to kill the time. AND, speaking of the boyfriend.. HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY DEAREST! his birthday was yesterday actually, on the 8th. meheheh twenty-one already can go Yangtze. k i srsly need to stop this Yangtze thing to the 21 year-olds. haha. but can't help it ah! most prolly because.. i still find it hard to believe that there's such a movie theatre here and their audience are mostly.. kinky seniors? haha.

anyway, his birthday celebration is still unplanned, due to his grandma's sudden rush to the hospital some days back. her condition seems serious, and it creeps me out just hearing what's going on in her body. but she's been transferred to a normal ward, so i hope that's a good sign. anyway our weekends are likely to be spent at the hospital in maybe first half of the day, then after that we'll hit the road to wherever we would plan at the very last minute. standard uh, right.

on a side note, i'm liking the fact that me and the two hot pussies (lol) are bonding lately. yesterday Maii accompanied me to Queensway coz i need to survey for tshirt printing which was such a disappointment. Bras Basah lagi mulia. then did rounds at Ikea with she being like so jakon with the beds and oinching hahaha and we were mused over the f&b outlet. o, and i was so bloody stupid as hell on the way home ah, in the train. it was just so fucking embarrassing i really dont wish to say it here hahaha. long story anyway. and i don't think anybody's reading, so.. haha.

and two weeks before, i think, met up with Radz after school at her work place. and i tell you, her work was like damn lepak lah. sit around, fbooking, movie watching, talk a little bit here and there with the customers, abeh gaji BOM. break one hour tapi if terovershot, tk pasal. that's how i see it anyway. Radz let's trade. :D

moving on, the pay that i got had shurrrtteeddge (that's "shortage"). turns out most of my colleagues had shortage too, so it's really getting on everybody's nerves. i have so much to spend on in this month. sigh. and the worst part is, they gave me off on smoe of my supposed-to-work days. reason being, they need to cut down on labour. wtf ah srsly!

on a side note..

no i didn't edit this. i just find it hilarious with the stomach in ~~chest~~ boobs out hahaha.

and do these kids know just how fucking lucky they are?!?!

well, till my next post.

OF PARAMORE AND BALI

2010-03-22T13:11:00.022+08:00

[+] We Are Parawhores!

credits to Mon for the pictures. more at her Fb.

[+] Liburan Ke Bali

more of this at my Fb. :)

juixe

2010-03-10T15:37:00.005+08:00

i seriously hate how i'm ignoring my blog. and i seriously hate (x2) how i say stuff like "i hate ignoring my blog" and i still keep ignoring my blog.

ok Balkeys cut that out, geez.

so first things first, i'm currently at school, in desperate need of the computer/lappy since the computer at home and my sis' laptop crashed. nice timing uh when i'm now rushing to do my major project. idiot. the other week Maii suggested that i use her school comp. so i headed down to Nafa, entered her class that's infected with hilarious bunch of people, and managed to do a decent illustration of a logo. thanks for that impromptu help babe!

right, so 3 days ago, there was a Riot! at the indoor stadium! haha it's Paramore baby and they kickass!! sadly they didn't play My Heart. at least they played Pressure, so i guess that's cool. and they didn't cover much songs from the first album either.. not that i'm complaining, but for the sake of some of us who've been wiating for them to come for like, 5 years since their first album, they ought to, y'know. but still it's really ok, at least they played most of the songs i had hope they would. :D anyway the band sounded just like in their CD, or even better, and i'm pinning my hope on their return when Hayley said they'll be back here in less than 5 years. so i decided to tag along with my sis and her friends, and we were pretty late by the time we got there. while walking to the end of the queue, i bumped into Ayu which i was kind of surprised to see her coz i knew she was supposed to be with Maii and the rest. so we chatted for a bit, then i lost my sis and her friends and so i queued with her instead. we queued for a goddamn 2 hours. it was freaking frustrating la, my poor ass. Ayu was funny when she got hungry. hahaha. that poor boy.

once we got in, the both of us separated as i reunited with my sis and her friends. the crowd was ridiculous, in a bad way. pushing when they dont have to. anyway i find that the opening band Monochrome, was not too bad; although it seemed like many people are against them. well moving on, after Monochrome's set, the sound check for Paramore took like, what, close to 30 mins? my sis' friend Mon, and the rest of them decidedto head out to the back, like out of the crowd where there were space so we all can jump and dance around to. sis and i stuck around in the crowd for a bit, thinking we'd make a move behind the crowd after the first song. but my sis gave that idea up so the two of us headed out and boy, i never regretted that decision still. the view was awesome--though we weren't close to the band--and we definitely did get our own private space. i mean, if we were still in the crowd, we were actually at the quarter back. couldn't see the band AT ALL i swear. so eventhough we were out of the crowd, we could at least see the band and had the helluva fun time, ever. and hence i'd like to take this opportunity to thank my dearest sister Huda for giving me the Paramore tix as my 22nd birthday present! :D

now, putting all the excitement aside, the Dearest had already took off for his NS yesterday. :( gosh, it does feel different. ok he'd actually book out this Friday, so it's actually just 3 days away, right? so it's not much diff since i normally see him on Fridays and weekends before he went for NS. but for some reason, it's just different. it's something i can't actually put my finger to. anyway, he has some doubts.. well i don't. so, you have nothing to be worried about babe. :)

oh yeah, i am soooo happy that i'm done paying for my school fee! come next month's pay, i can use/save my money for the major project and hopefully i have sufficient left to buy some of the necessary things like my compact maybe contacts as well (haha mcm bimbo?) apparels apparels, maybe a pair of high-cuts as well ooohhhh my god step byk duit belen je. but i'm guessing i might prolly rush down to HMV and grab a copy of Artwork by The Used! hahaha of all things. -.-" but frankly, it has never taken me this long whenever their new album came out. the previous album took me like.. at most 2 weeks? oh yah, i should save a lot more than i spend in case anymore bands coming. sigh, Anberlin better get their ass back here quick. but NOT for Baybeats again eh pls.

currently, some part of me wishes time would move slower, so i can have more time to work on my project. but at the same time, i wish it'd move faster so i can graduate, move on to Year 2 or maybe start working full-time. the number's now stagnant at 22, but i'm sure as hell it's not coming down. so i can't waste anymore time. i have a mother who wishes to take the risk and quit her job and rest once i've worked full-time. sigh. i wish i was smarter when i was much younger. maybe when i was still in pri school? then i could've gotten to the Express stream in sec school, be a semi-genius kid who scores A's for her O-level and maybe then i might be eligible to get a scholarship to Nafa/LaSalle and who knows, by now i could have already gotten a full-time job as an editorial designer or an Ar Director? or somewhere within that range. sigh, regrets regrets regrets.

stray cat

2010-02-17T11:44:00.005+08:00

it's funny how i start to stray off again from blogging. normally it took me one time to post an entry, then i'll have my blogging mood back. but i guess it doesn't seem to work anymore now.. but it did get me working on this one when i read my previous post just now. haha. so here goes.

currently my dad's back to being warded at the hospital. he'd been claiming of breathing difficulty for a while so one morning he couldn't take it anymore and lucky enough my sis was around. so she had no choice but to take him to the hospital and he'd been there for like a week now. well it wouldn't stretch this long if it wasn't for the fever that he suddenly had on the day he was supposedly to be discharged. so until he's ok enough, we all have to make return trips to the hospital, and our new maid Anis had to overnight there every alternate days.

and i on the other hand, will be flying off to Bali in two days' time! man, i haven't even start packing. Lydia already told me to get it done and don't do it last minute like her or i'll gabra! but i seriously dunno what to pack. i'll be going with Dear, Radz and Rahim and Dan, and Dear's sister with her friends as well since his sister had helped us a lot with the flight and hotel arrangements. the most thing i can't wait to do there is try their local delicacies. aka the exotic ones like fried insects! i asked Anis if we can find those there and she said there are tons of it. we might even find pig heads, or even the pig itself, as a whole, dead and fried. haha omg gross much. then we'll shop and try not to drop, get wet at Waterbomb and.. shop more, i guess? well that's the plan. hope it'll work out!

but given my dad's condition like this, it kind of makes me feel guitly. sigh.

right, so i not-so-recently found out that on February 12th, it was my colleague Jamilah's birthday, who happens to be a 1988 baby as well :D and on the 14th, it was Kak Aminah, one of the finance staff's birthday. hahaha. and on the 13th is obviously mine ah. so on that Saturday, despite being the eve of CNY and all part-timer's are supposedly to work, i managed to get an off.

so this year instead of being out with my boyfriend, i had a birthday date with the two hot chix Maii and Radz. hehehe. the plan was to Mad Jack @ PoMo/Paradiz, but they were closed. the other Mad Jack outlets that opened were just too far away so we scrapped the idea, and hunted for Pastamania at Far East instead. more economic. and we could use the extra cash for a movie or something, lol. but silly us, we totally forgot about the possibility of it being closed too. and it was closed, so.. meh. then we travelled to Central for the Manhattan Fish Market, which tricked us bad when we saw their logo lit up from afar. i mean it obviously made us think that it was opened. but it was yet another disappointment and we decided to go for Billy Bomber's which is just next door. but after browsing through the menu, it was kind of unappealing, so we finally settled on Fish & Co. at Park Mall. that's another bus trip. hahaha. Radz recommend most of it, and they both kept saying the New York Fish & Chips can be very "muak" due to the stuffed cheese. but no leh. i liked it a lot. like A LOT a lot! haha. just that it was very fulfilling uh. stories and gossips, more stories and gossips. girls' best activity by nature i guess. haha. to Maii and Radz, thanks so much for the night. &heart;

somehow i feel like there are so many things crammed in my head right now. other than the Bali anticipation, i guess it must be my major project. it's due at the end of April and i barely got anything done. not to mention the side project of be design for this company that Shuyi got for me. i was reluctant coz i was afraid i can't juggle between that and my major project, but since Shuyi had extended its deadline to mid or end of April, i'd decided to take up the challenge. and besides, this might be a good practice for me to multi-task coz i assume to be in the creative/design industry, you're bound to multi-task and stuff. so.. let's cross fingers for success.

right, till my next post.

look! an update!

2010-02-03T07:14:00.006+08:00

emil must be delighted to see a brand new entry here. no more complains k?

right, so i'm two months behind since my last post. Happy 2010 dear earthlings. although, there are not much that i'm looking forward to.. and yet i'm not being pessimistic about things either. ~~just two more Saturdays and i'll turn a year older zzz~~ but in a few days time and two weeks after that (but skip my birthday) there are things to be hyped about! first off there's Lydia's birthday to attend to. then there's work on CNY: hong bao + double pay! :D well, i can actually already foresee where my double pay will be channelled to (school fee and assignments.. nothing new..) but i really hope i'll have sufficient left for the Bali fund. i have to admit, as much as Dear, Radz and Rahim are super thrilled for the trip, i am not. well not really. idk. my excitement kind of comes and goes. mostly, it goes. but as of now, it's coming back. haha. wth. i guess i have too many things in my mind. i can be such a sickening worry-wart.

let's see now, what shall i talk about next. oh yeah, i headed back to TP the other day! :D my girls were still as awesome as ever, Pe'ah did look rather worn out.. kerje keras, ye kak? nevermind, you'll see the fruit of your labour when you graduate later. same goes to the rest of you girls k. well the boys too, haha. TP was super windy that day. has it always been that windy there? anyway, hung out with Has, Shida and Sideq for the rest of the afternoon.. fatin and Pe'ah had to go off for their CDS, so.. didn't get to do much catc-ups with them. next time k gees. so we chit-chatted, lunched at Design school coz it's inexpensive and has a killer sambal belacan and witnessed this ang moh dude snag two cans of drinks from a vending machine in just one transaction. (Y) when we had to part at around 4, due to them having to go for their CDS, i almost forgot how to take the bus back to Tampines interchange. hurhur. of course the dearest Hasni showed the way.. so i made a move to my current school since i had class that day and in the long run, i received sweet texts from Fatin and Pe'ah.. hehe. yes girls, we'll catch-up next time.. :)

Dear and i had been spending a lot of time together. well not 24/7, but it had always been just the two of us hanging out almost everytime we go out nowadays, "friends-less", in a way. last week i think, we ventured to Punggol end, Punggol beach, photo-taking.. and i want more of that. we even came up with the "Andrew Zimmern Project" which we have yet to start on. i hope we can do that in Bali if we can't find the time to do it here. to Dear: if you think i am "all talk no action", try me. just dare me and i'll do it! haha. i got guts hor. i think. :\

school has been fabtastic so far. previous module on Editorial Design definitely has to be my fave. we had to do a magazine on whatever "genre" it may be and mine's on the local music, art and design scene. it sounds serious now but i'm proud of the whole execution of it. although it's not entirely flawless, it's still my baby. haha. i am very certain now that i'm heading towards the design for the editorial/publishing industry. i got lobang, so i hope it'll work out.

apart from that, i might have a chance to go to Year 2, advertising. i mean i only signed up for Year 1 coz i know i can't financially afford to go to Year 2. but my lecturers Anthon and Michelle are helping me out, so i'm definitely pinning my hope on that too.

and currently, i'm doing my Major Project. this will be the very last module (i am so tempted to say the "season finale" hahaha) before i officially grad from Year 1. last week's briefing regarding the Major Project was kind of scary, at the same time thrilling (in a good way), because there are so many things to think about! let alone doing proper research! wow. right now i'm starting to feel the magic brewing--and by that, i mean my enthusiasm to start working on it--simply because i'm almost confirmed with the topic that i'm gonna pick. so all the best Miss Belle. oh apparently, some of my classmates start calling me that. no thanks to Anthon ah who else.

the other day, i saw this story on tv. i forgot the title. but it was definitely an eye-opener. it made me feel angry, sympathetic, disgusted, more angry and want to help people. it kind of help change my perspective on things. but most importantly, it made me appreciate the people around me who deserves to be appreciated, so much much more. and this goes out to my dearest Azri because you are, thank God, the odd one out. the odd kind that i've always hoped you would be by nature. love you.

hate-ache

2009-12-20T21:57:00.003+08:00

my god today work was kurraaazeee! was supposed to end at 4 but i the whole lot of ticketing girls, including Ramizah and Angela who were supposed to end at 4 as well, ended up getting ourselved stuck at work till 7.45pm! no thanks to the stupid machine/system thingy that just won't print out our cashout receipts. geez.

anyway, i'm pretty excited for this new module.. Editorial Design, and we're assigned to do our own magazine. i already know what my zine will be about, but it requires taking the pictures ourselves mostly, and maybe i'll have to interview some people as well. hmm. my potential intervieweeees are yet to give me the approval regarding being interviewed (duh). but only because i haven't quite ask them for the favour yet, heh. i hate having this feeling whereby you get very excited to work on your project because it seems like you have so many ideas that are just reasdy to burst, but at the same time, you're already stuck from the beginning coz you have no idea where to start. i guess it's just a matter of getting your brain organized.. mind maps might help.. but i always dread mind maps.

another thing to be stoked about is.. PARAMORE'S FINALLY COMING TO SG!! and i already have the tix! hehe thanks to my dearest sister who bought it for me, as an advance birthday present for me. of course i almost went secretly crazy over the mention of it but it felt kind of.. funny though. coz Paramore's coming over in March, and my sister's birthday in March. and yet she's the one getting me the concert ticket. hmmmm.

optimism aside, yesterday's day out with Dear was.. well..
yeah. the both of us were just raging with fury for that particular period of time. and surprisingly enough, between the two of us, i was the one who held my ego the longest. sometimes i feel like there's something wrong with me. like, i'm going crazy, in a bad way. well i did mention quite a couple of "crazy"s in this and previous post, so i may actually, literally, going crazy. insane.

but seriously now, i'm currently having a headache which i'm guessing is going to worsen by the hour. ugh. it might be time that i change to a new set of contacts. *ka-ching* -__-"

updates for the week

2009-12-10T17:59:00.005+08:00

i had forgotten how i, when am engrossed reading a book that is so intriguing and such a page-turner, can pretty much turn me anti-social. even Dear notices it when we were on the phone for less than an hour when he just kept on blabbering about god-knows-what and i only answered with a "hmm" and a "hmph". sorry about that. but that's just normal, coz i'll return back to earth once i'm done with the book -- for that period of time, at least. the unbelievable part is, i never thought it was possible to be envious of the boy-girl relationship of the two fictional characters from the book. i thought i must've gone overboard, got too overrated and was imagining too far out -- until my sister felt that same way too. haha. go figure.

4 Dec 2009, Friday
speaking of my sister, the both of us were supposed to have a movie date (teehee) last Monday, for what else, New Moon (it'd be her second time, and mine, a first). but on Friday which was just three days before our movie date, our cousin Awin texted saying she got three extra New Moon movie tickets which she's selling off at just 5 bucks! two of my sisters' friend had already bought off those two tickets, my sister bought the remaining one, while i, left with no half-priced tickets left, got a free one instead, since Awin kindly bought one for me at its original price. HOMAGAWD free movie ticket to one of the most anticipating movies, center isle, center seat, perfect! movie was awesome, though i think Twilight was slightly better since it had more action throughout the entire movie, plus, the baseball scene was a bonus. as for New Moon, i expected the ending to be better. well i expected the ending to be extracted straight off from the book, but then again, the modifications to that scene was pretty minor i guess so no biggie. i'm crossing my fingers for Eclipse now. i'm expecting ~~better~~ more action.

7 Dec 2009, Monday
presentation day! wow. packaging design was by far the slackest module for me. we had around 5 weeks i think, and i only started printing and doing it hands-on on the very last week. like around 6 days before presentation? but thank goodness it turned out well! not as exactly as how i planned it but it's really very close. everyone did awesome with their own package. Anthon was proud of us, and so was i. still am. i mean i believe when he said that our class has that sort of self-motivation that drives us to do our work well. ^^v

[my packaging pictures are supposed to be here but Blogger decided to be a bitch about the uploads]
10 Dec 2009, Thursday
work was surprising. it was perfectly normal, like any ordinary non-school-holiday-period day. was almost empty. the crowd started to pick up around lunch time, but that was the norm. i mean, it's the holidays. i was expecting crazy number of crowds pouring in.

12 Dec 2009 - 13 Dec 2009, Saturday - Sunday
work was fuckin crazy. non-stop crowds practically bombarded the zoo since the moment we were opened. guess i spoke too soon about the little crowd on Thrusday. me and mhy big mouth.

connection failed

2009-12-02T12:37:00.005+08:00

i couldn't help feeling like i'm always rushing for things but yet i still take my own sweet time idling with.. my mere laziness. it almost feels like i'm not interested with anything at all, but i don't think i actually show it. not that i want to show it. i know it's mostly my school assignments which due this Monday and i only had one done this morning. i'll start with the second one right after this. blogging is just a little time-out i give myself.

well, school is just one thing. for the other, i honestly am not quite sure what. i totally feel disconnected with friends for the past few days. idk. it's just different. and yesterday just had to happen. the subject of it was nothing new. and that's the sickening part. it'll be just a another few more weeks before the whole cycle starts again. i should've been used to it by now. it'd be so much easier to handle when it happens again in the future. but that's the annoying bit. i can never get used to it. because i guess to hope for something different isn't doing any good. i bet the other person thinks the same way too.

i realise that lately, i'm prone to, erm, cry to myself. of course without anyone knowing. it's probably due to all the stress and thoughts of time and money that i'm always chasing after, which is always very hard to catch up with. i thought by distracting myself by burying my nose in New Moon, getting engrossed and in love with the fictitious characters would load some invisible weigths off me but as it turns out, every single page describes love, fear, chasing for time and chances. how ironic.

i don't know how tomorrow will turn out. i'm likely to get an m.c. from work, considering the many more things i have yet to complete in my assignment. and i totally forgot about this event thing i volunteered for this Friday and Saturday. more time being away from assignments, more time i need to complete it. and time is definitely not gonna spare me any more. you may say "i told you so", of which you are right. just don't be mad at me.

4 years 2 months.
happy anniversary. (:

high hopes for november

2009-11-26T20:21:00.002+08:00

work today really helped me recall how tiring doing entrance is; standing long hours and forcing a smile. work was supposed to end at 3pm today but at the last minute while i was doing my closing, Lilian requested for any one of the ticketing girls to help out at the entrance. knowing i was the only who was done, Yanni appointed me but still asked if i wanna extend my working hours. at first i was reluctant, coz i thought of spending my evening till night doing my assignment. but after thinking of the Bali trip, plus the likeliness of me having to save much much more for school stuff, i decided to extend my working hours and help out at entrance. of course i only gave in after confirming with Lilian that i'd be paid for the extra hours ah. hahaha. and it felt just like my very first training at the zoo, before i was officially posted to ticketing.

so anyway, i'll be working my ass off from tomorrow (public holiday: extra income!) all the way till Sunday, so i really have high hopes for my November's pay which i'll get next month. high hopes for high pay, mwahahaha.

yesterday's class was very fruitful. Anthon mistook the open structure for my package design the wrong way. so i did it my way anyway: constructed a mock up of it, showed it to him and he actually thought it's a pretty cool structure for a cereal box. i thought so too (duh) so i'm glad we're on the same page here. i mean at least i know i already have my lecturer's approval. but i also have another package structure for a body lotion which turned out well too. now i'm in a dilemma; i'm not sure which i should go for. sigh. no idea(s): problem. got multiple ideas: also a problem. wah seh. but i'll guess i'll go for the cereal box instead. it's different, it's simpler. no actually it just got a little bit more complicated when Anthon suggested an improvised structure for it. sigh. looks like i'll be having another session of brain-cracking. -_-"

thank goodness Serena bought this Dove Amicelli chocolates, which has a pretty hexagonal package. so she and i will be using that box as a reference just for the peferation part, and the best bit is, the remaining chocolates that surprisingly nobody else wants, were given to me! awesome!

right. so.. tomorrow's Hari Raya Haji.. mom already made some cakes and my house are likely to be packed with some of our relatives who've decided to celebrate Hari raya Haji here. hmm. can't complain.. can't can't complain either. haha. ok what the hell.

the february

2009-11-24T21:59:00.006+08:00

bread with srawberry jam
if i ever had the time to blog for the past few days, i'd probably just say, "financial issues are way escalating", then i'd go on and whine and whine and whine endlessly about my tragic luck with money. nothing new there huh. but thank goodness for some good news (which i'll elaborate in a jiffy) or else some poor readers would have to go through reading the same old, same old.

moving on, Dear and i have plans for a Bali trip with his sister and some of her girlfriends in February 2010. now, as much as i'd love to jump for joy at the thought of being able to travel with friends, i kind of hesitate on doing that. reason: o yeah, you've guessed it, the stupid moolahs. yes i'm working but my pay is almost just sui sui anna sui for the school fees, transports and assignment materials, and if i'm lucky, i might have some spare to treat myself to some unnecessary fattening junk sweet treats (i've yet to try Starbucks' Peppermint Mocha damnit!). so i pretty much had to crack my brain more than i ever did for my school assignments, just to find a way of how the hell i am going to save up.

initially the plan was with the usual geng. and it was supposed to be in December, but complications surfaced and.. Dear and i just settled with going for the trip in Feb with his sister instead. i admit it's a shame that the company for this trip ain't with the usual lot of us, but i'm sure we'll find an appropriate time for everyone to be available. fingers crossed! (so to speak)

still i wasn't all hyped about the trip just yet, eventhough Dear has been like a bouncing ball about it, still planning of the activities we can do there. well anyway i was still worried about money. was worried my lessons would clash with our trip. but yesterday in class, after i asked Anthon about how the lesson plan will be like for Feb, turns out that we'll be having a 3-week school holiday by then! whoo! can't believe how coincidental this is! timing baik! and since my very last module will end in mid-Jan, it means i have ample time to work extra days (and prolly ask for full shift!) to get some extra extra moneehh! hehe. but hey, that doesn't mean i'm not worried about the remaining school fees i have to pay for hor. i'm still a little bit.. erm "on the edge", thinking if i will really have enough.

[+] Ops Quarterly Meeting

ok so last Saturday after work, the entire part-timers and some full-timers had this operations quarterly meeting. just found out that we weren't paid for it. daym. you know why? because they ordered more food than usual. that's such a --> -_________-"" but well at least the food did do some justice. although i was telling myself i'd rather starve then not get paid. eh it's very rare for balqis to say things like that ok. in one solid sentence some more. heh ok whatev. food was good, the eclair was OHMAGOD literally meltsinyermouth, gave away prizes aka awards and such and.. the meeting which was supposedly to last for 2hours, ended withing 45 minutes! ok jugak lah eh not paid. mm.

yes ok so i better end here now. fin!

on the eleventh

2009-11-17T07:07:00.005+08:00

above are my classmates from the Packaging & Print Technology class. we're missing B, but that doesn't really matter lol. that guy on the far right with the shades on, is Anthon. this was taken during our field trip to Utopia Press printing factory in Joo Koon. and Anthon had to make two trips to fecth us from Joo Koon MRT back to Utopia Press, in his sleek black VW. awesome. haha. and yah, this is probably our first class photo and i'm not in it; coz i was the photographer. idiot.

L to R: Stella "Swan" (inside joke), yours truly, Serena aka Aquila (another inside joke) and Tony, who has gone through multiple failed attempts to mimic/master Anthon's "spiky" hairstyle.

###

Happy 54th Mother!
she turned a year older just last Sunday. my sister and i totally had nothing special for her so we ended up with the most typical.. err.. gift, a Coffee Nut cake from Polar. paid for the cake just the day before, though. so as soon as i got up that morning, i sorta rush a little bit to collect it. nothing extravagant happened since she was out with her sisters the whole day that day.

you know, if you were to ask me what's the first thing that pops to my mind at the mention of the word "November", for me it'd definitely be "birthdays". there are sooo many November babies that i know of. some of their birthdays even occured one day after another consecutively. let's see, there's Pe'ah on the 4th, my cousins Nurann and Dhirah on the 5th and 6th respectively, Fatin on the 12th, Siti on the 13th, my aunt on the 14th and my mom on the 15th. i think there's some more but all i know is all those that i've listed out. so eventhough i don't quite buy gifts for these lovely people on their birthdays, i always feel like in a rush, trying to figure out whose birthday falls on which day. after that i felt stupid for making myself rush for nothing since i have everyone's birthday dates stored in my handphone. hahaha.

some getaway plans are in the works for next month, but not sure if it'll actually work out. sounds damn fun though. well now, gotta get back to assignments assignments assignments!

deep shit

2009-11-11T06:10:00.005+08:00

this is the first time that i am personally, facing straight into the eyes of financial crisis. whether or not i'm able to pay for my upcoming school fees + materials for school assignments is very unpredictable, anything can go wrong from here. to top this off, the family financial issues are pretty much similar to mine. and just like how life goes, problems do not just begin and end at the financial aspects.

great.

to whom it may concern:
i'm getting back to doing my work now. this is just a little time-out i need to let go.

been pleasant so far

2009-11-06T13:03:00.008+08:00

been working 3 days straight for the first time since last Tuesday. pretty exhausting, especially that i had class right fater work on Wednesday, and not forgetting having to look after my dad for those 3 nights as well. and as much as i thought i'd have trouble keeping my peepers open due to the lack of sleep, i actually had no trouble at all! on Tuesday and Wednesday, Aunty Margaret and Teresa and some others were around, and working with these two ladies (yes, "ladies" to Aunty Margaret as well even if she's like already a grandmother) was crazy! i never knew Aunty Margaret to be.. erm.. sarcastically funny. i mean i didn't expect her to entertain me and Teresa's nonsense. well i'll just list down some of the conversations we had:

Scene 1
Me: Teresa, so this is the new membership card ah? the one that has the word "it's wild"? *showed her the brochure with the picture of the new membership card*
Teresa: umm ya ya, that one.
Aunty Margaret: *took her copy of the brochure* which one which one?
Me: *points at the picture*
Aunty Margaret: oh "it's wild" ah..
Teresa: yes aunty.. are you wild aunty?
Aunty Margaret: *as a matter-of-fact kind of tone* yes i'm wild.. when i was younger..
*Teresa and i just burst into laughter*

Scene 2
Aunty was telling us of the tragic love triangle story she read at NewPaper, about a husband having an affair, who doesn't love his wife anymroe that eventually lead the wife to commit suicide. what she said went something like this:-

Aunty Margaret: over 30 years of marriage already then tell the wife he don't love her anymore. she kill herself for the husband not worth it ah.. man like this ah, can go fly kite!

Scene 3
this was a period of time whereby the ticketing booth (tbooth) were free from customers. there were no queues at all. then came along an apek who passed by Aunty Margaret's and my counter, and walked all the way to the end to Teresa's counter.

Aunty Margaret: see ah, our counters open he go all the way to Teresa's counter. he go to the pretty one ah, see Teresa..

when the apek left..

Aunty Margaret: i go there (to Teresa's counter) disturb her. *when she got to Teresa* eh Teresa! that old man like you ah, our counters oepn he go to your counter. *laughed*

Teresa just gave a look, lol. when that apek was seen lingering around tbooth, Aunty went at it again.

Aunty Margaret: eh Teresa, see! your boyfriend here again! haha. he like you ah, skin fair2 one.. pretty2.
Teresa: aiyah Aunty, you jealous right.. you no boyfriend.. you don't want boyfriend ah Aunty?
Aunty Margaret: dowan ah, very irritating.

Scene 4
we were getting ready to open our counters. stacked our maps and vouchers, cleaning our counter tops.. Aunty Margaret was logging on the Nets machine, when halfway through the connection got lost due to the wiring or something.

Aunty Margaret: haiya see la.. the wire loose.. like Teresa!

everyone at tbooth, including Aunty, just roared with laughter! and Teresa din't have a clue about what was goung on coz she din't hear what Aunty just said.

lol. k, idk if anyone finds this hilarious, but you have to be there when Aunty Margaret was saying all that. it's the way she said it, i guess. her tone was normal, like she didn't mean to be funny at all.. but it just is. now i look forward to work whenever she and Teresa's around.

ok now for a good news: i had a solid 13 hours of sleep last night!! woohoo! i've never had this loooonnnggg sleep for the past one year!! :DD i was dead beat yesterday as soon as i got home from work (i was supposed to end at 4, but had to extend till 6pm), so after a bath i just crashed the bed.. Dear left a couple of missed calls of which i only managed to answer 2.. hah. so yes. 13 hours of sleep, woke up at 9 this morning and i should be working on revamping my site by now, instead of trying to be filthy rich at Cafe World. kwakwa. -_-"

still, i'm in dire need to head out today. been a week since i see that botakhead. i guess for now i'll just have to look forward for the field trip tomorrow. speaking of which, school had been fun. as classmates, we bond well, and being in Anthon's class is just crazy. like, good crazy. Anthon himself is hilariously insane, easily distracted while in the midst of teaching us, ie. "you all may not undertsand entirely now - omg i really need to pee - but you'll understand better when we go for the site visit this Saturday". of course it's not in his exact words, but it went something like that. lol.

Has and i had some heart-to-heart conversation via SMS the other day. and it was really comforting. i'm glad we were on the same page about friendships and stuff. it's cool. been a long time since i have this kind of.. so-called "moment" with a girl friend. :) i'm dearly missing my looneys!

alright alright alright, i seriously need to get out of the internet and its eeeveeell distractions and hop on to Adobe. so.. till then balls!

let the moolahs in

2009-11-02T19:11:00.002+08:00

at first i didn't believe my boyfriend when he said Sharkboy was Taylor Lautner, although they do look similar -- until i Googled it, and of course he was right. hah, i'm very slow, i know. but Taylor seems to develop his maturity so fast that's why it was so hard to believe in the beginning. and he's only 17! on a side note, i think he looks better as Jacob Black, with that long hair and all. too bad he has it short in New Moon. well not that i care. but now i'm starting to visualize the Dearest sporting Jacob's long hair. hahaha omg that's really hard to imagine.

moving on, my November is sure to be packed. i think. first of all, i added a weekday to my working roster. i don't want to but i have to. i'm seriously in need of money. i even surprised myself by willingly adding a few more weekdays to work. oh and not forgetting to work on Hari Raya Haji itself. the double pay reels me in, that's why. i did some calculations and came to realise that i need 2 months' pay for my monthly school fee. now that's tragic. sigh.

the plan to go for the Halloween night at Night Safari last Saturday with Lydia was sadly disrupted. it was due to the heavy rain, which obviously caused the suspension of the Halloween tram rides, and next, was of what we were informed about Zoo staff not allowed for the free entry due to the overwhelming crowd. and the rain was just crazy. it was heavy at first, then it subsided, then it got all heavy again. so the two of us just slacked off at the loft when Juraidah joined us after awhile. when the rain finally departed (or so to speak) the three of us decided to head to Night Safari for a bit to check out the crowd. and you bet, it was literally jam packed. and irritating. and the slight drizzle wasn't helping either coz everyone started to move in to the shelter. we finally made a move out of there, to KFC at Lot 1 for dinner.

i can't wait for this Saturday! my class will be heading to Jurong for a site visit to a printing factory! we'll be seeing how the printing process goes, the different type of printing technologies available today, so on and so forth. i think this field trip will benefit us a lot for our Packaging Design project. teehee.

sweet treat

2009-10-27T11:55:00.003+08:00

text messages at:-

11:40:21am Shida: We missed you!!!
11:40:24am Fatin: We miss you!! You suddenly dawned on our mind (: Fifi too.
11:40:28am Hasni: Hey looney sister, i suddenly miss u..

likewise, girls. i almost teared of joy.
heh. ^^

cluttered

2009-10-24T20:14:00.003+08:00

i am so relieved now that the Corporate Idenity assignment is finally done! i think - no i mean, positive - i'm positive that that was the particular module i spent lots of moolahs on just printing and reprinting my work into perfection. or almost to perfection. i was kind of sceptical of my own work when i presented it last Wednsesday coz i was afraid no one could understand or maybe accept my work in the way i had pictured it to be. but in the end, the feedback i got from Anthon was a good and once the class had presented, he concluded that all of us passed. he didn't tell us our grades of course coz he still needs to analyse our work without our presence. well i know i can ace this, i just hope i ace this the way i want it to.

the new modules coming are predicted to be double the work, double the stress, double the problem and definitely doublemyfearofmoneytrouble how horrible horrible horrible!! Packaging Design is the module coming up and Anthon said there was once a student who spent to about $200 on his/her Packaging Design project. i tell you ah, my jaw almost literally dropped flat to the ground and my eyes might have popped right out of the sockets and all i could hear was myself complaining of money problem. sigh. i'm not even sure if i can pay for my school fees fully starting December onwards. sighh.

and you know what, my mom just told me something heartbreaking last night. bottom line is, my family's bound to face with financial crisis sooner or later. she barely has 1K with her now. so how the hell is my family going to survive, what with my mom and dad's (him especially) medical expenses, household bills, et cetera? i really wish there was more i could help, to earn more income. working at the zoo is barely enough for me to support myself with my school fees and buying materials for school assignments. however, i have been thinking of ways to earn some cash. and all that i could ever thought of is to submit my work (if i ever start doing 'em) to this local website for tshirt design. say, if my work's selected, i'll get like the winning prize: some hundred dollars, i forgot. then they'll print my design on the tshirt, sell it up online, and for every piece of my shirt sold, i'll get a commission. that seems like an easy way out but it might take a while..

a long while actually. coz recently, Eva, the school's education manager (she's been helping me to get into internships) has been pestering me (in a good way) to update my website with new works. the latest buzz here is, there's this company (which i don't even know who/what) requested Eva to view my protfolio/website. but Eva has yet to accept the request UNLESS i upload some new work. daaaammnn. i've been struggling like hell doing Corporate Identity, barely had a break for myself, and now that the module has ended and i can now have a few days of rest until the new module starts, i still have to squeeze whatever brain juice i have remaining, thinking of what i should upload and what else i can create. man it's weird how i feel like i'm always "exercising" my brain all the time and yet i can be so gullible and legong most of the time. geez. my brain is so cluttered.

paranoia aside, yesterday was.. different. idk, maybe coz last night was a very simple day out with the usual 2 couples. lepak, dinner, movie. such a ridiculously idiotic and humorous movie that you are BOUND to crack up, no matter how many "wtf?!" reactions you give. hahahaha! Lesbian Vampire Killers - and it's in British too!

hmm now look at the date. i hate it when every end of the month is drawing near as it's a sign of time passing by fast. but yet i kind of look forward to the coming of the next month due to pay day. huhu. oh how typical!

k now i feel like my body's heating up. i've been wanting to hit the ~~bed~~ mattress while i was halfway through typing all these. well, till then suckas.

world of warcraft

2009-10-17T21:36:00.002+08:00

i swear, this is goddamn funny!
check out 1:07 onwards. wtf?!

photoes

2009-10-13T12:46:00.008+08:00

the one that's right above are the entire Zoo Ticketing girls. we're missing Karine and Teresa. the ticketing manpower is growing but i'm definitely gonna miss Emily and Shenlynn when they leave us. :(

unannounced hiatus

2009-10-12T10:28:00.004+08:00

was i on hiatus? more like being a lazy ass. school assignment's been taking too much of my time this month and that result to me being only able to work on weekends. sigh. i prefer to work 3 days per week, though. tiring, yes but i need money for school fees.. and for the assignments! next module will start by end of this month, and that needs more money, unfortunately. Packaging Design, yikes.

well since the last time i was here, sooo many interesting thing happens. iftar with some friends, hari raya outings, hari raya plannings that almost didn't work out, anniversary, the ups and downs of love and life and how right now i'm only able to upload over a hundred pictures on Fb ONE BY ONE DUE TO FB'S TECHNICAL ERRORS OR MAYBE IT'S JUST MY COMPUTER OR I DON'T KNOW WHAT BUT IT'S GETTING ON MY NERVES!! chao chi.

moving on, raya outings were awesome. been so long since i see my TP girls and everyone's been the same. miss them a hell lot. oh and Fatin's button did some "popping" throughout the entire day, omg lol! then Pe'ah forever got mixed up with words and pronounciations. standard ah. oh ya, the class bbq pit will start later on today and sadly i'm not able to make it. why? well, the usual; school and assignment. and i might need to head to Peace Centre first or something to check on stock (paper). sigh. you guys have fun, and help control Bibik TinTin's food intake! haha. ade je nanti bende lain plak yg pop.

the very next day after i was out with the TP mates, it was another raya outing with the DSS; Dear's sec school buddies. but this time round almost everyone has their own transportation which pretty much make our journey very convenient. with the exception of having to pull up my kain for you-know-what. and it's funny how nobody complained about having to go back and forth on the same route multiple times! there was food almost at every house and i swear, by the end of the day, i felt like throwing up after sucking in my tummy the whole time. hah.

as for our anniversary, it didn't quite go according to plan. we wanted to watch Momok at Rex Cinema but we were pretty low on budget after we had our dinner. haha. ooh and i had duck rice. it was... meh. could've been better. i have yet to grab hold of the pictures though.

right, i need to carry on with my assignment now. hopefully i won't take about almost a month to update my next post. ^-^v

presentation day

2009-09-16T16:40:00.003+08:00

i'll be having a class presentation this week. of which i din't sleep properly for the past 2 days and having to look after my dad at the same time, in the middle of the night. so today, when the day of my presentation comes, i left home for school quite early to test out if my sis' laptop i'm using to present, will work or not. and now that i'm here, in the class, typing this out, did i realise that my presentation day is scheduled to be this Friday, instead.

ninnabuey.

the wee hours

2009-09-11T01:45:00.003+08:00

time check, 1.45am. about an hour ago, a late night bath to perk up this zzzleepy self. and right now (other than updating this), am in the midst of finishing up this yawn-causing Creative Presentation report (which is due tomorrow!) while YouTubing on Hari Raya songs. as much as i still don't feel the excitement of the approaching celebration like i normally would already have by now, the songs pretty much do help make me feel some sort of comfort, in a way. and now i'm beginning to understand how this assignment should go, so that's pretty comforting as well. i'm not as kanchiong as before now, yay. (: well that is all. not much stories here. actually there are lah but being the long-winded person that i am and how i try not to be so long-winded (which i'm actually doing right now ain't i? -___-") i rather skip those for now coz i have things to do, huhu. till the next post.

there's no escape to this feeling

2009-09-02T21:50:00.003+08:00

it's going to be the third week of Ramadhan soon, and i still don't feel any happiness like i normally would, let alone the anticipation of Hari Raya. the mood is totally non-existent. i'm still rather excited to make the cookies though, but it's like if we don't make any this year, then it doesn't bother me at all either. god, it seems so terribly wrong now. i thought i'd feel the Hari Raya vibe by now. i'll give myself till the end of this week. if nothing magical or some sorta miracle happens, then that's it. i can predict how my Raya this year will be. oh, i'm pretty psyched for my Raya outfit actually. his mom said it's ready and it's pretty. BUT, after i slapped myself with reality, damn, all the excitement just died. bottomline, i hate how all these makes me, and everyone in this house feels. really, there is no escape to this feeling.

i wish what had happened and what is happening now, didn't.
i wish God will answer my prayers everytime i ask to show the reason behind all these obstacles and challenges in our lives. or maybe i should pray more, skip less. it's all about give and take and being fair anyways.

sunday was inevitable

2009-09-01T12:28:00.005+08:00

Anberlin @ Baybeats 2009 on Sunday.
the only 3 things i should've done that day were:
#1 take a photo with three of them boys when i saw them at Marina Square -- i was just a few feet away from them!
#2 go for their autograph session -- but this is very excusable since the autograph session clashed with the time to break our fast.
#3 join the main crowd at the pit since they were all so energetic and i was really pumped up for their set at Powerhouse.

nonetheless, having to see them perform (for free, at that) was fawesome. :D they sounded so effing good live, minus the little technical error with Stephen's mic at the beginning at Powerhouse. as for their acoustic set at Arena, not a single soul rested their butts on the seats. everyone was on their feet and singing along. i just wish my boyfriend listens to them like i do, and we could've sing along together, haha. but at least he likes them now, he said they're good. and that's good enough for me! so back on track, Anberlin seems modest and sincere just like their songs are. You're so brilliant. i bet Anberlin will be invited here again to have their own concert; considering the massive crowd that turned up that day and chanting their name. when that day comes, you bet your ass i'll be there. :D ooh i wish i could take(-ing) back sunday!

Dear predicted that when i make a blog update about this, it's gonna be a long one. well being the long-winded person that i am, i don't wish to write footlong entry on this one either, although it is Anberlin. but for the sake of the poor souls who stumbled upon my blog or the dear friends who don't wish to read more on them, i've cut it short and there you have it. haha. ok, yar?

let's move on to something else now. last night was horrible. no thanks to a packet of Milo. it was somewhere past midnight, i drank half a packet of it and my tummy started to churn and it felt like it contracted my intestines somehow. frequent visits to the loo was all it took to give up on looking after my dad that night and just retreat to the bed when my business in the toilet was done. but the cycle starts again a few hours after that, geez. but at least i get to skip work! i bet zoo's pretty.. erm "empty" as of now, due to this heavy rain and all. like the other time, it was raining mad and all the ticketing girls very lepak. haha.

errrr right, i better be off now. don't know what else to add on and i have other things to do. so.. till then!

seven days

2009-08-29T14:02:00.002+08:00

today marks the 7th day of the fasting month, and i still don't feel like it is. normally i'd feel good during this month, like whenever it's time to break fast with the family, i'd look forward to set the table and enjoy the meal together. then coming the 2nd week of the fasting month, my mom, my sister and myself would prolly start making raya treats and cookies. and all the more excited i got as Hari Raya draws near.

but such emotions were not present since day one. even if the food looks appetizing on the table, it's like.. meh. i guess part of the reason why this year's Ramadhan feels different is due to the fact of my family's situation. or more to my dad's condition, to be precise. it's like no matter how good things get at home, at the back of your mind will always have this vision of your dad needing help and stuff. and by that, you can't quite have a peace of mind. and mind you, i'm not the only one feeling the same thing around here yea. sigh.

the other day at school, Adrian, the deputy head of school, asked if i'd like to be interviewed by an ITE magazine regarding my decision to join CMA (i shan't tell you the name of the mag, in case this doesn't work out, huhu). me being the only current student from ITE, Adrian asked for my help about it since the magazine wanted to interview a student who was from ITE so they can relate my story with the current ITE students. haha. i find it funny in a way, coz i've never been interviewed for things like this. but i gave him the green light and now i'm having a hard time answering the questions which Adrian had emailed me. i'm very long-winded you see and i'm afraid my answers are irrelevant. heh.

anyway, bumped into some familiar faces last night at Baybeats, two of them being Zulfadli who keeps battling my band at Rock Legends ( -.- ) and Nisa who looks a tad taller now! hehe. well speaking of Baybeats, i could barely control my excitement now just thinking that i'll be seeing Anberlin tomorrow!!! their first set starts at 3.45pm and my shift will end at 3. and i'm reaaaalllyyy hoping i'd do my closing quick like last Thursday (i took only 15mins!! i broke my record!!) so i can make it on time for their first set! :D

school's been manageable so far, but i just hate this current module. it's all about creative presentation and stuff and oh how i hate classes like this. our assignment for this class requires a lot of research and understanding and... ergh i better get to it since i have the time now.

adios.

paperthin hymn

2009-08-22T17:50:00.003+08:00

sometimes people depend too much on me, on most things.
i wish they didn't.
sometimes i simply gave in, hid away my opinions.
i wish i didn't.
i am very very very very vveerryyyy looking forward to the 30th of August! but work gets in the way, and i can't change my roster, even if i've already come up with a good excuse (which i already did). but i guess i have to be thankful that work ends at 3pm. i'll be missing their first set, but i'll be available for their next 2! so.. what exactly am i talking about?

ANBERLIN ANBERLIN
ANBERLIN TO BAYBEATS!!!!
:D :D :D

blah blah blah

2009-08-11T18:18:00.003+08:00

for the first time today i forgot that i have to attend school. D: it was 2.15pm, i was Facebooking when Serena called and asked whether i'm coming to school or not. i checked today's date trying to recall if there is a class but it still din't ring a bell. until Serena mentioned the Online Media rewview by Anthon! my god i was like WTF?!?! @!%$#& how the hell can i forget about the review?! and the worst thing is i'm actually fasting today and to hear myself shoot some vulgars (even if i said it all in my heart, not aloud), i can only hope my fast will be counted still, coz that was an honest mistake. hahaha. -_-" k so i called Dear up hoping he'd send me off to school but considering that he actually just woke up from his sleep, and that from the tone of his voice i knew he'd be reluctant to send me, i scrap the idea of asking him the favour. heh. i actually thought of taking a cab though but mehh, i don't waste on cash like that unless Anthon will fail me if i'm very late.

so anyway, the review's basically about.. explaining our work to Anthon. eventhough i've explained my work to Yenny, our Online Media lecturer, Anthon's like the person who's actually grading you for your work. so he's like the big boss ah. haha. so anyway i was the last to be reviewed. and as soon as i reached, i kanchiong ah and i think Anthon sensed it. but he told me not to hurry. moving on, as i was getting my site ready to show him, he said he graded me a distinction! whoo so happy! :D well he actually have seen all of the students' work before having us for the review, so that's why he told me of my grade before we start on it. even so, i still had to articulate to him about my work and stuff. so blah blah blah, we exchanged feedbacks for a bit and.. that's it, i'm dismissed. hmm. i rushed to school like mad and was only in class for less than 30mins. what made it more "interesting" was when he said this: "actually you don't have to come also can you know. i told Serena if you cannot make it then it's ok." walao. and that Serena also din't tell me anything about it lor. but that's ok. at least my grade made justice!

i was lazy to come for work last Sunday. maybe coz it was National Day and i knew there'd be a lot of people. but i looked forward to the plan with Goat after that though. uhh actually no real solid plan ah, just lepak at Riverwalk Apartment to catch the firework. everyone was there, even Tasha joined in halfway through.. we're still missing one person though, but i guess we're all adapting to that fact now. -_-" anyway, one reason why i kind of looked forward to that day was coz i intended to stay out late with everyone. but turns out that not everyone could, this time. so Dear and i ended up at somewhere near 440 with them 2 boys washing their bikes. lol. and yesterday was random and simple. and i was bloody sleepy on the road. for 2 damn days i was friggin' sleepy i swear i could just doze off anytime; like that last time. but even so, i'm proud to say i managed to get my eyes peeled throughout our journey and spared myself from getting a hell of a scolding from Dear. phew.

gosh i feel so tired now. so many commitments lei. school, work, Facebook. haha. Facebook. addictive games they got. which i'm gonna start on now. till then!

unclear forecast

2009-08-07T18:21:00.003+08:00

yesterday Shuyi (that's the Education Manager for my school. i think i mentioned her here as Eva in some of my previous posts - she's the one who offered me the internship), texted me saying i din't get the internship. well she din't say it directly of course. she explained that the company wanted a graduate (not a current student) who has experience in TVC editing. as much as i'm looking forward to the internship, i'm actually quite okay with the fact that i din't get it. besides, Shuyi will keep a lookout for any available internsips for me. yay. (:

i can't quite predict how August will be like for me. except that i might just have trouble managing my time. you see, i have classes every Wednesday now from 3pm onwards. on top of that, i have work as well! goddamn it they're clashed now. by the time i told my supervisor Catherine that i wanted to change my roster, it was already too late. the least she could do for me is make me do Counter 6 which will end at 2.15pm. but it'd take me another 30mins to completely finish my closing. and i need some time to change into some civilised clothes before i head for school. and by that time, it could already be 3pm. dang.

Dear agreed to send me off to school though. so.. i'm guessing i might be late for class by.. 30mins? man. and i can't even attend this Wednesday's class coz work ends at 5.15pm and i can't do anything about it! and mind you, this Wednesday will be the FIRST LESSON for the new module, and it sucks i can't go! chibs. lesson learnt: inform Catherine asap, as soon as i encounter any school schedule changes, no matter what! even if at that time i'm busy eating, i have to inform her. even if at that i'm hooked to Pet Society or managing Restaurant City, i have to inform her. oh heck, even if i'm on the bike, i HAVE TO INFORM HER! D:

speaking of bike, the other time, i saw this uncle riding his bike with a toddler as the pillion. toddler as in.. k1 like that. and what caught my attention was the way the kid sleep. the kid's head tilted backwards and it was resting nicely on the bike's box, with his hands hanging by his side. my god the kid was obviously sleeping soundly and it's so very dangerous! lepak pe tu budak, tido mcm tu. haha.

last Tuesday was pretty random. and aimless. Rahim called Dear up, asked us out; anywhere everywhere. lol. we first headed to Lim Chu Kang jetty but as soon as we got there, and saw how.. ok idk how to put this, but like tak menyelerekan, we decided to go to Woodlands-dunno-where but facing JB. haha. a lot of inside jokes went on.. plus some mixed emotions of rage and.. vengeance. hahahahha. ah fuck it la we'll see how things go in the future. ^.^v

i can't wait for weekeend. not looking forward much to Sunday morning till evening though, coz i'll be working and i guess we expect to have super large crowds and guests coming in since it's National Day and all. but am definitely looking forward to meet Goat after that. no idea what the plan will be but.. at least the company will be fun. oh yaaa before i forget; to Suria viewers, i'm sure you've heard of this erm.. drama series called Danielle. yeah, about the young boys in a band, aspiring to become real musicians and all. so anyway the drummer, Dani's the name in the drama, works at the zoo! haha. as a.. erm casual labour. just to help around during this "festive" season if i'm not wrong. at least that's what Lilian told me about casual labourers. his eyes ain't so huge like how it always seems like it on tv. lol. but he's definitely tall, unlike how average height he seems on tv. haha.

right, have work to do. am gonna run off now. till then.

read on, yes this is a new post

2009-08-02T08:43:00.004+08:00

before i get carried away surfing the net (and officially adapt to the fact that i've been neglecting my blog so much it seems like an offence now), i better do some updates.

recent ones were of course of yesterday's. first of all, school was super lepak. i was 25mins late, of which i ran into my classmate Stella, along the way; good, at least got geng. i thought the other 4, or at least 2, were already in class but nope, turned out the only living soul in there was Raymond. so the entire lesson was just us 3 and hence the super relax lesson. he din't even use the projector to make us do tutorials. so anyway Dear and i had plans to go watch the NDP preview after i finish class, but considering that i was late, i thought i'd have to go through some hassle to have the permission to leave early, but considering the class was just.. that, i knew it'd be easy peasy. it was. next stop, Marina floating stadium.

the 'celebration' wasn't too bad. funny hosts/emcees, fireworks were pretty coz there're more non-common shapes, the performances weren't too bad. ooh the fun packs are kind of rad too! i guess this time they put more effort in producing/giving away beneficial items like the hand sanitizer. and the biscuits and sweets too haha. but my fave would be that one whole stack of vouchers!! there are zoo vouchers too and man, i hope i won't have to encounter customers with such vouchers coz idk how to key those in the system! hahaha wth. but yeah, i'm a sucker for vouchers because...... they are money savers. haha -_______-"

met Goat right after that and i guess i surprised myself (and the rest too, apparently) by headinng off for home around 2.30am. felt a little guilty about it coz my sister's been taking care of my dad for 2 nights already.. but hey at least i took over her last night as soon as i reached home. so.. the guilt has perished. hak.

right, so now my 60 freakin' thumbnails of logo are done, another 20 more of posters left to go plus some tracings. damn that's still quite a lot considering my daily routine. oh well, if i can go all the way to 60 thumbs, why can't 20, right? besides, my roster for August is like, heaven! :D am able to knock off before 3 for most days and i hope there won't be any last minute changes that can make me extend my shift. ohh i hope not. oh and speaking of work, i'm off today! haha hence this early blog update. ya ya i know i should go and bloody sleep instead but i can't now. maybe later petang2 siket eh.

moving on, Ramadhan will be in the 3rd week of August onwards. i pretty much look forward to that, plus Hari Raya of course. for now lah, later if i ever get stress with school or busy with work idk lah hor.

time check: 9.06am. time to open up my restaurant!

p/s pt. one: i just realised Leighton Meester sings alongside Cobra Starship! i saw the video once before, halfway through though, but i din't realise it was her until i saw the video again on MTV from the start, where they show the artist's name/song title details thingy. haha i'm so sloooowww.

p/s pt. two: Happy 46th Monthsary Dearest! 2 more to go.. and counting. (:

the reason behind

2009-07-23T14:45:00.003+08:00

It was Spring, but it was Summer I wanted ~
The warm days and the great outdoors.
It was Summer, but it was Autumn I wanted ~
The colourful leaves and the cool dry air.
It was Autumn, but it was Winter I wanted ~
The beautiful snow and and the joy of the holiday season.
It was Winter, but it was Spring I wanted ~
The warmth and the blossoming of nature.

I was a child, but it was adulthood I wanted ~
The freedom and the respect.
I was 20, but it was 30 I wanted ~
To be mature and sophisticated.
I was middle-aged, but it was 20 I wanted ~
The presence of mind, without the limitations.
Then my life was over, and I never got what I wanted.

- Jason Lehman
in the previous post, i mentioned about Michelle offering me an internship to design webs and print materials. just when i thought she assumed that i i'm not interested in the offer, came a phonecall from the school's manager, offering me the same thing. she elaborated that it'd be for only 2 months, coz the school will be having some campaign thingy so they need people to work on the designs and stuff.

they assured me that the working hours for the internship won't clash with my classes and i've already made clear to them of my working days at the zoo. i don't know how or where all these will lead to coz i'm seriously considering the internship. like i said, i'll be exposing myself into an early start in this industry lei! but the cons are: can i cope with my school assignments? will i wear myself out after taking care of my dad for the entire night? will the internship somehow clash with my working time at the zoo somewhere along the way? sigh, why must all the great things come now when i'm already tied up with other things? this is awfully exciting. this is also worrysome..

this is what you call: dilemma.

godspeed

2009-07-21T15:12:00.005+08:00

i guess from now on my blog will be updated just weekly. my days' been so hectic i bet if i have an organizer it'd be jam-packed with reminders and schdules and a bunch of post-it's to top it off. well ok maybe i'm exaggerating but it really seems like it now.

a new module started yesterday, Communication Design + Typography! class was interesting, types are so complex and can be somewhat confusing but the only thing that the class reminded me of is.. secondary school. minus the maths and science crap of course. lol. ut's just that there are certain guidelines and rules we have to live by, and memorise too. and we'll be having our very first test for the next lesson, which is tomorrow. oh and the "best" part is, there are only night classes for this, from 7pm-10pm. and coincidentally my Wednesday class clashes with work. hrmm. that basically means my closing has to be fast game then rush off to school. and 927 is always bloody late ah knn. and the day that i'm supposed to be free from work and school, is the day i have to go to school. haiyo. but at least my Fridays will be cleared for August! :D

class today is cancelled coz Yenny met with an accident. i'm guessing the accident wasn't too severe, coz class will continue as per normal next week. still, i hope she's doing fine though. i was about 5 minutes away from leaving the house when Vivian called to inform of the news.

so yesterday, while i was in class waiting for the night class to start, Michelle approached me asking of which softwares i do know how to use. after that she offered me to become an intern for the school's design company. i almost wanted to jump right in with the idea but as you know i'm currently tied up with zoo, so when i told her that she was like, aww and assumed i'm not keen. sigh. but the thing is i'm super keen, coz as long as i have the chance to get an early start and exposure in the industry i am more than happy! this is the only time where the pay is not the primary factor for me. but at that the same time, working at the zoo is fun too. not forgetting the food during lunch break yummmmm! well anyway i'm still gonna ask Michelle about the internship tomorrow.

lately my weekends were simple. been hangin' out with the other 2 pairs (meaning there's a total of 6 of us) and it's enough to make me feel content. the plan to dine in at Ben & Jerry's at Dempsey last Saturday was ruined as soon as we got there. it was full house, and we'd be in the waiting list if we decide to carry on with the idea - which we din't. in the end we resorted for an ice-cream treat somewhere at Adam Road.

and the day before, a mini night picnic at Botanic G, and it was just us lot in the middle of the field. had supper at Mr. Prata; and since it was my second time there, i have to say now that it's one of my favourite prata shops! my banana cheese prata fillings were so generous, although the prata's size itself is rather small for me. still, worth my 3bucks. but the garlic prata right, mak kau. what you see is what you get sia, like litereally! it's like the garlic were finely, freshly chopped from the cutting board and they just tossed it into the prata, briefly cook cook cook and just serve it to you; bear in mind that what i meant is the garlic's not entirely cooked, so to speak. and the taste is awful la seriously, haha. after that Dear and i challenged each other to: him eating one whole lime fruit together with its skin, and me eating a fairly medium portion of the garlic prata. whoever spit the food out first lose. i won, but surprisingly, Dear won too. haha. not forgetting his priceless face expressions! it wasl ike he's on Fear Factor or something hahaha.

and i can't wait for tomorrow! work ends at 2.15pm, but i'm likely to get out of there by 2.45 or 3. then will be meeting Dear at.. jeng jeng jeng.. zoo! hahaha. ya of all places. -_-" it's all him and his bright idea la haha. and speaking of bright ideas, we have plans to go bizarre food-hunting like Andrew Zimmern! otak kambing, lidah kambing, mata ikan etc (coz i've never tried that and he always said i'm at such a loss). i hope i can find the time for this though, despite my busy schedule. i better finish up my projects quick!

trust wanted

2009-07-14T11:19:00.003+08:00

man i feel like shit today. and last night and this morning and right now. har har it's the same thing, doofus. *rolls eyes* anyway i don't have anything particular to update about. just thought of killing some time before i head down to the shop to buy Darlie and bread before i head off to school. will be reaching school an hour earlier today since Serena wanted me to tutor her on Flash. speaking of which, my website layout's doing pretty good so far, just a little worried about the scrollbars. some of the things Yenny taught are slightly different than what i already knew during my 6 months education at TP (hahaha) but oh well. even if she teaches differently, i can still do it my way and hope it'll function properly at the end of the day.

this morning as soon as i got on the internet, the first thing i did was email Shevron to quit my job as the freelance illustrator. actually i was reluctant to do so coz this is the first and only job that's in the so-called design industry. but i can't force myself to stick around, even if it's just a freelance work. coz i know it'll take me months and months to finally have some good free time to do some illustrations. i mean, currently my schedule is very tight. tied up with school assignments and of course, zoo. it's like a routine now. whenever i'm back home from anywhere and i have approximately 5 to 6 hours before it's my turn to take care of my dad, i'll be working on my assignments. so it's like a rush all the time.. although i have to admit that i do procrastinate in the midst of doing my assignments. heh. tired lei. i'm facing some sleeping deprivation and i should prolly get some sleep, but on the contrary, sleeping is such a waste of precious time! and money too, if you think about it. eh but sometimes not lah eh coz when you sleep you usually turn off the lights right. haha. *shrugs*

so far when it comes to do closing at work, i've never experienced any shortage. thank God. just an excess of $1, lol. it's funny though. when i was working at KFC about.. 5 years ago (shit it's that long already?!?!), i'd experienced some shortage of cash. but here at the zoo, whereby i'm handling large sums of cash, things are actually manageable. maybe i've grown to be more careful hohoho. hohohopefully things will remain this way!

hrmmm it's 11.38am already. i better head out now.
laterzx.

logged in, finallly

2009-07-11T10:37:00.004+08:00

dying, that's what loveaboveviolence is at this period.

to answer Iva's question, yes, i am busy. have been extremely busy that i honestly can't spare a single minute blogging. as you know, i am very long-winded and i take a lot of time to figure out what to write, when at the end of the day, my blog entry only consists of a few lines. -_-"

well moving on, work has been.. ok. although it feels like i'm getting the hang of it, i still make mistakes and annoy (seems like it) Jo Ann with my endless cry for help. haha. i can tell she's irritated and i feel so bad for her. but she knows she can't ignore me completely or else i might do it wrong, and customers might come to complain yada yada yada. during the first week, i took up 2 hours to do my bloody closing. hahaha. and last Wednesday, it took me only about 40mins! whoo big achievement lol. oh yes, our new uniform pretty much.. erk, no comment. we look like explorers, very Steve Irwin-esque. what with the button-up shirt and bermudas (well at least they're nicely tailored!) and boots! i'm loving the boots though. even if they kind of look like Ronald MacDonald after i put it on. anyway they remind me of Timberland's, and yes, i do fancy Timberland's boots, strangely enough. hoho. there was power failure again yesterday and i only had to "suffer" without the air-con for about 45mins; that's when my shift ended.

oh ya, almost forgot one thing. the President SR Nathan came to the zoo yesterday to attend the opening ceremony of a new attraction at Night Safari (the event was held in the zoo, not NS obviously). i din't see his presence actually coz my counter was at the other end and he came from another end. so anyway everyone, especially the TIC and our supervisor, constantly kept a look-out for our attire, posture, bla bla bla up to a point whereby Jo Ann took me to one side and handed me a Fasio lipstick which she told me to put on. O_O wth extreme sia this one my face literally went like that <--.

my pay was in, along with my GST money. i din't quite check how much i should have in total and to see whether it's the correct amount that i should have, but since i've used up some of it, i'm guessing i've spent about half of it all. geez. no thanks to some tempting fooooodddss and transport fare, grr. i make it a point now not to withdraw anymore until my next pay, and the next pay, until i know i have accumulated enough to spend on and still have sufficient left for emergency cases. wow i think i sound pretty long-winded already i'm not sure if you can understand me, haha. that's ok, it's my money issues and you don't have to crack your brain re-reading the previous sentence trying to make some sense out of it. the least you could do is make your contributions for $5/call, at 1800-HELP-BELLE. cheers.

so with school and work eating up my time, i only have Thursdays to myself. even so, i'm most likely to use that day to complete my assignments. and speaking of which, my web layout so far ain't to my satisfaction. not really how i have in mind, or had planned out. urgh friggin' irritating. i predict more amendments to it in the coming weeks which then equals to more time consumption. chibs.

right, i shall end here now. till my next post.

uhh

2009-06-30T22:33:00.004+08:00

i am happy when

my lecturers Yenny and Raymond likes my project's concept and idea and approve of them

word has it that the $200 GST money is in although i've yet to check mine

i have some lose coins that i can spend on keropok

work seems manageable and pay day's coming soon (not expecting a lot but at least there's income!)

Serena makes banana cake for me

i unknowingly found dollar bills or coins in my jeans pocket

i have over 10 hours of sleep

i'm out to places with the dearest boyfriend, and the rest of Goat

i am unhappy/frustrated when

things go wrong while working with Photoshop

my mp4 battery goes flat

god this is so frandom.

time flies!

2009-06-28T20:45:00.006+08:00

Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.
Mahatma Gandhi

indeed. for now my happiness is not based on those 3 things, but it can be interpreted that way too, so to speak. the 3 primary things for my life right now is school, work and my personal leisure time and i can only be at ease with no paranoia and worries whatsoever, if i feel like i am in control of all these things. and so far, i'm doing a-ok. (: except that each week passes by so damn fast i can't believe it's Monday again tomorrow.

the thing that hinders me about doing ticketing is my confidence; and how i tend to blank out when the guest is right in front of me eventhough i already knew what i should say. i'm sure everyone encounters this sorta thing, like you're already very well prepared but when it's time for you to put it to practice, you just go blank. yeah. irritating much.

uhh but i was late though. like 45 fuckin' minutes late! and it's due to oversleeping. -_-" ya how bloody lame is that! and i tried very very hard not to snap at anyone who talked to me during the time i kancheong to get ready coz i tend to do that and i ended up getting scolded by those people i snapped at. backfire sia haha. anyway i was supposed to leave the house at 8am but i woke up 30mins later. to make it worse, today's SOC!! actually i don't know what the hell SOC is ah haha but that's exactly my point. i was afraid that Jo Ann, the ticketing-in-charge (TIC), would have gone through this SOC thing without me then later i blur how? but screw SOC coz we din't do it in the end. lol. it was due to the super freaking long queue which went all the way to the sheltered area at the bus stop! and it's not helping that there was a power failure (black out) and all our ticketing machines, lights, air-cons, even the electricity at KFC and the retail outlets shut off. and customers were complaining yada yada yada and most happen to be locals, no surprise there.

the 2 school assignments are in the works now, and i hope i can get them all done as how i've pictured it given the short period deadline. anyway, can't wait for Thursday! Dear and i will be going somewhere.. interesting, i hope and it happens to be on our 3yr 9months anniversary. i bet he din't realise that until he reads this later hahaha. k ah, bub-bub-bubbye bub-bub-balls!

revenge of the fallen

2009-06-25T19:41:00.003+08:00

Transformers is the shitx!! :D there are more fighting this time, more running and definitely more hilarious! i remember laughing my ass of like it was supposed to be some humorous movie or something. oh and there was an appearance by the Oompah Loompah from Charlie & the Chocolate Factory; ya that short dancing guy, hahaha. Shia/Sam made a very funny impression of someone having a fit when he started seeing images of the signs and symbols from the Matrix cube and his mother said a couple of very funny lines throughout the movie as well. it got a bit emotional when _________ was defeated (but for awhile) though. but all in all, i find that the message delivered in this movie is all about loyalty and responsibility, regardless of who the person you're being loyal to or responsibility for is. oh and also how you shouldn't anyhow accept anything from white people in dreadlocks, hahaha!

i din't sleep for approximately.. 46 hours! that's like, 2.5 days. you see, i woke up at 8am last Tuesday and i only had my proper sleep this morning (Thursday) at 6am. golly you have no idea how heavy my eyes were, pleading me to get some sleep but at the same time, they're strong enough to hold up haha. i woke up that morning on Tuesday to do my assignments, after that i had to attend school, then i din't sleep that night since i had to take care of my dad. and y'all know that nobody can ever have a proper sleep when it comes to taking care of him in the middle of the night. so when it was 6am the next day (Wednesday) and my maid had woken up to take over, i had to get ready for work coz work started at 9am. i could jolly well have at least 30 mins to an hour of sleep before getting ready for work, but what's the point. besides i need time to dry my hair after my bath first, before i tie it up. hah. so yeah. i think i looked like a zombie selling tickets at the zoo ticketing counter. -_-"

speaking of which, doing ticketing scares me more than what i initially thought. first of all, the ticketing system is already fucking confusing. what with the gazillion of different buttons for the local and international tourists, the promotions and discounts for some credit card holders, school groups, handling of the many credit and debit crads, which of those is supposed to be swiped aaaahhh i'm NOT the kind of person who can keep up with so many things. with the rate i'm going i might need like, say, 2 months to adapt to all these. and 2 months is long ok. what's more, i only work 3 days per week. geez. i give myself 2 weeks for this. if i don't think i can ever work in such environment, i might just be truthful about it and get Sim Hui to put me at the entrance instead. the pay might be 50cents less, but it's better off than stressing myself everyday, go kanchiong over which buttons to press yada yada yada. it was a good thing the only thing that kept me going for that day, was the fact that Dear and i would be catching Transformers that night. huhu.

moving on, reached home around 1 after the movie and once again when my eyes were pleading me to go and sleep, i plead them more to stay up for another 5 hours. lol. once clock striked 6 and my maid took over, i crashed to my room and slept for a goddamn 12 hours wahhh heaven. took my bath, indulged on some KFC Sanackers mom bought and half of a kebab i shared with my sister. and dude, i've been eating KFC for 3 days straight already! i. am. so. killing. my. self.

you know, i can't wait to be rich. on Restaurant City. that's on Facebook. mwahah.

pause the time not everything else

2009-06-22T19:34:00.004+08:00

Wednesday marks the official release of Transformers! wooo can't wait! am gonna buy the tickets tomorrow and hopefully, not many people have bought them in advance either -- so at least Dear and i can get our usual seats. and speaking of Transformers, i'm sure many have heard of the rumour about Megan Fox was born a man, yada yada yada. it's really a sad fact if it's true, especially that i really think Megan is smokin' hot. and this is the kind of thing i can't get my mind off without doing a research on it. so i.. googled away and got this:

LOS ANGELES, CA – The internet has been abuzz since this Sunday’s Golden Globes ceremony, where Megan Fox jokingly remarked that she looked like a man.

When interviewed on the red carpet, she said “I look like Alan Alda in drag. I’m a tranny. I’m a man.”

At the time, reporters passed it off as a jovial attempt to cover for her nerves.

However, today she has cleared the air and officially reported: she’s really a man.

Megan Fox was born Mitchell Reed Fox in Rockwood, Tennessee. From an early age, Mitchell showed an interest in both performing and women’s clothing. When having a preacher lay hands on him did not ‘cure’ him of these interests, his parents simply put him on the pageant circuit.

By the age of 13, Mitchell had already started a career as a female child performer called ‘Megan Fox’. Making her debut on an Olsen Twins straight-to-video release, the twins have kept his secret all this time.

As a sweet 16 present, Fox’s parents offered him sexual reassignment surgery, which, given their child’s career, they’d hoped to write off as a business expense. Unfortunately laws prohibit such surgery to be done to minors.

Since then Megan has been working non-stop, and been included on many Hottest Women lists in publications around the world.

Megan, as she goes by now exclusively, also noted this Sunday how much she wants Salma Hayek’s figure. She has even scheduled surgery later this month to get it. After the two met in New York this week, Hayek offered to have a cast made of her bust so doctors can match them exactly on Megan Fox’s chest.

The internet is already speculating whether this news will be worked into the plot of the upcoming Transformers sequel.

Weekly World News

i hope she was kidding in the video. but she looked pretty serious doesn't she? and just a side note, her lips and boobs are really all "doctor's work". i've read about them at Berita Harian about smoe Hollywood celebs having gone through plastic surgery. but honestly that's not very surprising. what's surprising is this rumour that's been speculating in the internet. but if it's really true, then all i can say is, the plastic surgeon better be credited for as he/she has made Megan the most sexiest (or at least pretty attractive) tranny everrr.

last Saturday after school, went straight to the zoo for the Art of Wow training. rushed to meet Shikin first at the interchange and i came right in the nick of our meeting time actually. but the next bus to the zoo took a bloody 20 minutes and the both of us were like 10 minutes late. it's a good thing we were not forfeited or have to do anything embarrassing (coz i was told this training might involve some activity work). we were given 4 squared slices of squared pizzas and that pretty much made my day since i wasn't looking forward to the training. haha. yes yes you can bait me with fooood it's that easy. so anyway the training was a-ok. i shall not elaborate on that. like Hairul would say, "boooringg.." heh.

the visit to Labrador Park on Saturday was new to me. eheh. yes, was my first time. apparently that was a shocking news to Dear. sorry la, my previous schools all very sengket, rarely take us anywhere other than the "mainstream" places like ECP. moving on, the breeze was just marvellous. i can imagine myself just sit down there as long as the wind blows. our intention was to have some photo-taking since Dear's been neglecting his beloved D60 for a very very long time eversince he's been travelling on 2 wheels. lol. we din't take much photos of us though. sigh, miss that. met Zul and Maii at the usual place while waiting for the rest of Goat to come. it's a good thing Maii was there and that we have some common interest when it comes to school and such or else i'd be hearing the boys yakking away about bikes bikes bikes, zzz..

i'm guessing in the xoming weeks, and month's, i might burn off my weekends. today's class on the new module, Online Media, already require us to think of a topic for our web design assigmnent. i've got mine in mind (ahahaha) and i'm pretty stoked about it. it's just that.. well i'm getting paranoid again, hurhur. about what, you ask? well let's just say, i have to be smart at juggling my time for school which currently has a total of 3 projects/assignments due by end of July and mid-August, my 2 jobs, my own leisure/personal time (and that include bf time) and my responsibility of taking care of my dad in the middle of the night.. which i'm not doing so good at, apparently. speaking of which, my patience is drying up and i feel so bad about it. ):

well i'll be off now. so many things to do, so little time.. ahhh!!

fast game

2009-06-20T16:00:00.002+08:00

heyyy. am in class now. lol, first time blogging during class hours. well we're having a 5-minute break now. while the lecturer goes for a fag and another student follows suit, i might as well.. surf. alright, so today, as soon as class ends, i have to rush back to the zoo for a training called The Art of Wow. i have no idea what the hell that is. but i'm kinda lazy for it. haiya. oh well. at least Dear will be picking me up right after that and off to meet the rest of Goat. oh yeah, i'm kinda bummed i can't go for the Life's A Beach! event at Siloso Beach. ): tell me, when was the last time i go for shows like that?

right, i better end here. everyone seems to be coming in.

semalam i call you, you tak answer

2009-06-18T18:11:00.002+08:00

last Tuesday i headed down to the zoo again for my induction. that's like, an orientation. met up with Apri at the bus-stop to punch in our cards then straight to the corporate office. there, 5 more newbies turned up and the whole lot of us did our induction together. we din't actually have to do any serious work though. so, you can say that that day was pretty relaxing. but then again that's not so true, coz for that entire day, since 9am to 6pm, we have to do a quiz which require us to walk all around the zoo, familiarise ourselves with the animal exhibits, and we have to watch all 3 animal shows. that's the tiring part but i'm kinda used to that. Dear and i always spent that much time walking everytime we visit the zoo. ha. but at the end of the day, i guess it kinda made all of us smile that we're paid to just walk around and watch shows. haha.

later that night, the school called to inform that i'll be starting a new module on Online Media on Mondays and Tuesdays. woohoo! ok i may not look forward much to Online Media coz i've a feeling the use of Flash will be involved, but at least going to school for 3 days per week (inclusive of my Saturday classes) is better than just.. 1 day per week. but then that also means i might be facing with extreme time contstraints when thre are school projects assigned. then i'll start to worry i wouldn't be able to finish them on time due to work. aaaah see i'm getting paranoid already! geez.

anyway, i can't wait for 24th June! the robots will be unleashed and watching the trailer makes me jump with excitement! i'm talking about Transformers la if you still don't get it. -_-" but i guess i'm likely to catch it on Friday, coz.. idk, watching a movie on Wednesday night like boring.

alright, this song is all the rage now. ok lah, maybe this has been out weeks and weeks or months ago but only now did i have the time to search for it on YT so i thought i'd post it here. thanks ah eh Dear haha. and Radz, i know you like this lol.

flea fly flo

2009-06-15T17:41:00.003+08:00

so the ice-cream date last Saturday with Serena was postponed to the next Saturday, after class. no thanks to her brother and sister who'd just flew in from Vietnam. but she gave me a box of coconut candies instead, made in Vietnam! haha. anyway Saturday's class was interesting, coz Raymond taught us how to use extract and.. thank god for that piece of tool man! we were given an assignment based on that. i've already done it, and i think it's not too bad. just not satisfying enough. =/ speaking of school, i'm a week late paying my school fee. damn. $25/week of late payment. it's a good thing the school called to remind me though. or else i die. *drops head on table*

moving on, after Serena informed of postpone-ing our outing, my sister texted and asked if i was going for the flea market at Pit Building. whoo sui-sui uh her timing. so met up with her after class and with only a pathetic 10 dollar bill in hand, my only objective is to head to the bargain bin, of $2 to $5 stuff. meh. the dresses i had my eyes on cost over $20, and i tell you ha, the term "flea market" now is not like before. ok, maybe i don't mean in general, maybe it's just this Flea.Fly.Flo. apparels are not as inexpensive as before and the bargain bins hardly have anything appealing. however i did get myself a t-shirt dress for a mere $4. not too bad though. but still, overall in my opinion, it's as good as buying stuff online or at department stores/retail outlets. but then again, the prices are like that maybe because of the rental of the location, or that the apparels these people are selling are all first-hand and/or imported. so yeah. oh well. flea markets are still the best. it gets better if you have enough moolahs of course. oh money. you so mafan.

the both of us took off from there to meet our respective friends. i head down to MakanSutra where Dear, along with his former ITE classmates, Joe + Iqah and Man + Nadiah, were waiting. it's weird now to see Man and Nadiah as newlyweds. i still remember them wearing ITE uniforms when all of us were still schooling back then. and finally, i ended my cravings for Banana Fritters with Kaya Fondue! :D omg that's the best la y'all should go try it. don't go "eee!" or "eew!" or i'm gonna slap your face. unless you detest kaya la then that's another story. hahaha. it's $3.80 though. quite costly for that few pieces of banana fritters. but it's worthwhile.

Hairul came over after awhile -- alone this time, haha. later in the night after Man and Nadiah head home, the remaining 5 of us met the rest of Goat at Esplanade, before shifting our lepak place to Clifford Pier -- where they shared gruesome stories, especially that Rahim and Radz. semangat sia. haha. you all ah.

alright, so i did a "How Well You Do You Know Me?" quiz on Facebook and the dearest boyfriend scored 20% away from getting all questions right (no surprise there), and among my girls, only Pe'ah aced it! budak westside jgk pe. surprisingly, all of them thought i'd dreamt of becoming a graphic designer. initially yes, but i've decided to go for editorial designer instead. hehehe. this is so fun. ^^

busy weeks ahead

2009-06-12T08:48:00.002+08:00

hello and good morning! time check 8.49am and i only had 2 bloody hours of sleep, tsk. no thanks to Shevron for making me re-do my artwork. and i need at least an entire day to finish them all up. and since i'll be heading out later, i need to get up early to at least finish most of it.

anyway, do you know that a staff at the Singapore Zoo gets free entry to the Night Safari, Jurong Bird Park and, well, the Singapore Zoo itself? not forgetting staff discounts at all 3 parks' retail and f&b outlets. well i don't go to the Night Safari and JBP as often as the zoo, but for the fact that it's free entry, wow! (huhu cheapskate in da houze) and discounts at Ben & Jerry's -- awesome! and i'm very glad i get all those privileges now, teeheehee! (; *hinting ah ni konon*

well i went for the try-out last Wednesday, along with another girl newbie, Apriani. the both of us immediately hit it off with some simple conversations about how nerve-wrecking it is just waiting to be posted to the entrance.. you know, the norm. so yes, the both of us were assigned to man the entrance and sometimes the exit by making the standard greeting to the customers, tearing off their entrance tickets.. you know the drill. and all i can say is, everything's just as i expected. long hours of standing (8 hours to be precise, already minus a 1-hour lunch break) and being clueless about many things. i don't mind the standing; at least this beats working at Topshop. -_-" and the pay here is more worthwhile too, even if it's just by a dollar. moving on, staff lunch was DA BEZT! we had mushroom lasagne and mango drink. and i heard yesterday's lunch would be chicken chop or seomthing, idk. but the meal seemed very very appetizing and fulfilling as well. i suppose they feed you just as well as they feed the animals, haha.

so at the end of the day, Sim Hui, the uhh.. Operations Manager (i think) ended our meeting by saying, "welcome aboard!" so exciting, mcm first time kerje gitu but i was put to ticketing. ): err actually that was what i applied for la, heh but that's only because idk what the position's called to be at the entrance. and the reason she took me in into ticketing (other than the fact that i blindly applied for the position), is due to my cashiering background but cashiering scares me! especially that this time i'll be handling with large sums of money. and if i ever *choy choy choy* has shortage of cash, wah i die. but Sim Hui was kind enough to let me go for a trial at the ticketing. if i think i can handle it, i can take it. otherwise, she'll put me at Guest Relations at the entrance. that'd be better. then i can scan for that mohawk ang moh guy hahahaha *inside joke* so.. there'll be an orientation this Tuesday. my official day working at the zoo should be somewhere after that. finally, some monthly income now.

somehow, i'm looking forward for today. the plan is still a mystery but the first destination is confirmed. and i'm looking forward to tomorrow's class too. erm, a little bit la since i don't really like this teacher. pfft. and then off to an ice-cream date with Serena! hehe. okie doke, off to Ai. till here.

laid back

2009-06-08T21:11:00.002+08:00

so today was the last class we have with Anthon for Visual Comm. the next class with him would be the 3rd module, after this current one. and surprisingly, we ended much later than usual. thanks to that Serena la, hehe. but class was fun, very laid back too. we printed our posters in A3 and mine kinda suck coz my paper is very thin which left some white colour crack-like marks on my poster. wth. and i'd rate my poster design as.. so-so. don't know la. but thanks to the dearest sister and dearest Dearest for their contributions. hopefully all my assignments will be graded well and fairly, considering that i felt nausea and like about to pass out in the middle of the night completing the VC journal. my god.

but now that all projects are handed in, it feels like some burden's lifted. huhu. and i'll be having a date with Serena after class this Saturday, for an ice-cream! teehee. so random. i should be the one taking her around, coz.. you know, she's not local and all. hah. i hope the Saturday will be worthwhile coz i have 3 things to look forward to.. even if i'm really short on cash now.

and speaking of cash, Shevron rejected all my artwork. my late-night, pain-staking artwork that caused me some lack of sleep. yes, all of them, not even one was accepted. coz they're all not relevant. wapiang. heart pain. so no income for that one. sigh. as Mythbusters would say, it's back to the drawing board..

smile for miles

2009-06-07T21:05:00.003+08:00

yesterday was the first lesson for our second module, Digital Studios. honestly, i don't fancy this lecturer's style of teaching. they were right when they say Raymond is strict and has high expectations from his students. now that part is scary. i bet class is not gonna be as carefree and jovial as Anthon's classes. but hey, the good bit is, at least the basics of Photoshop he taught us yesterday, were really, really basic and thorough. i mean i'm very familiar with Photoshop and all but.. there are more sides to the simple things in Ps that i din't know. like, the shortcut keys to adjust the opacity level. and many more and they're all in Mac! hah, bonus points! oh yes, he's also the.. uhh.. interactive/multimedia designer (i don't really know what it's called) for Science Centre and Discovery Centre. so, to be told that he's strict and has high standards, not really surprising now, aye?

alright, i have another reason to smile. and i couldn't stop doing that for the whole of yesterday. actually i din't notice myself smiling so much until some people just had to point it out. thanks hor. but that's ok, at least all of us are on the same page now. teehee.

it's already 9.15pm as i'm typing this and i think i better end here. one more time-consuming project to go and i'm d-d-done! ooh, i can't wait for Tuesday too. i hope it'll turn out well. shall mention it in my next entry, if i ever feel like it. ^^

journey and destination

2009-06-03T21:16:00.004+08:00

today was pretty interesting. spent the entire day outside and alone, working on my class project of taking as much pictures of signs and symbols i set my eyes on. and all that led me to meeting 5different people, 3 of which asked for direction. hmm.

tomorrow will be the last lesson for this module, to clear our queries and show Anthon some of our work, before officially handing everything in on Monday. i thought i'd have a hard time doing the Journey project, since we have to snap various garphic design-influenced objects from inside of our house, the journey to our destination, and of course, the final destination itself. i mean, my destination is the National Museum and to get there from my house, a direct bus is provided. meaning i'd have little pictures to take as soon as i alight from the bus. get the drift? so i alighted at Dhouby Ghaut instead and wandered around long enough to know that i've taken enough pictures.

and while i was at it, there was this Indon uncle who came up to me with his Canon slr and wanted me to take a picture of him against a traffic light. and he was so weird la. his camera was not working properly and i don't even bother to try and help to fix the problem coz i've never used Canon before so what's the point right. and when he was done fixing, he chuckled like a weirdo and asked me to take another shot. and that was when he striked up a conversation and asked me questions like, whether i'm still schooling, what i'm majoring in, etc. then he asked this one question which i regretted answering with such honesty.

Indon uncle: kamu sekarang mau ke mana?
me: oh saya mau jalan2 ambil gambar utk projek skolah.
Indon uncle: oh mari mari saya ikut yok! (stg like that uh)
me: eh tak boleh tak boleh! saya mau ketemu kawan dulu ni!

in my head, i knew i should've lied to him when he asked where i was going. coz somehow i'd guessed that he'd want to tag along if i told him the truth, and my guess was right. and yet i told him i'd be wandering around taking pictures. like, -_-" i guess my comeback was convincing enough though, haha. he then asked for direction to the Mer-lee-on and.. that was it.

anyway, the pictures i took today were alright. i mean, not too bad for someone who doesn't use much of slr for an entire day, let alone not being guided with the settings and everything at all. but i guess what my sifu, Dear, had taught me before pretty much helped too. and thanks to Zul Tulang as well for the loaning of his camera and the extra 2 unncessary equipment-- of which one of it comes in handy actually. so.. hurrah. now, i'm very motivated to complete all projects and assignments, without worry and paranoia whatsoever, even if i only have 5 days left to complete. still, the only problem now is (and forever will be), is money. money money money. haiyo. well i hope Shevron will approve all my artwork, i'll get paid, i'll get satisfaction. sigh, money makes the world go round indeed. how annoying.

the big 'T'

2009-06-02T19:50:00.002+08:00

how should i reset your trust counter?
how should i make you believe me?

44th monthsary

2009-06-02T11:17:00.007+08:00

things get harder, things go haywire, but given time and given space, things normally get better. not right now though, but i hope it will, very soon. because thinking back, we always pull it through. happy 44th monthsary, ily. ♥

fast game

2009-06-01T19:57:00.005+08:00

here's a quick update.

the dearest boyfriend along with his family, is now over at Perak, visiting his uncle. he'll be there til Friday, so i guess it'd be weird for me, in a way. i'm pretty cautious about the number of times i'll be texting him coz i'm afraid if making text messages overseas will be charged higher. i'm not too sure actually but i am very sure i'm taking this precaution to spare myself from being nagged by my dearest mother if the bill suddenly sky rocketed. but anyway, going to kampong like fun right. especially when he told me of the fresh durians! wah, asyik sungguh!

i predict that this week will be rushing. it's school. two projects due this Monday. one is still in the works while the other have not yet started. honestly i'm silently panicking right now, but it's not just about school, it's about the freelance work too. i hope i can finish all 9 artwork by Friday so i can submit it all and just wait to see whether how many pieces from the 9 will be approved. only then will i get paid.

moving on, the current module will end this Monday. but the new module on Digital Studio, will start this Saturday. which means.. my new time-table for the new module is every Saturday. haha. idk whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. good maybe because i'd have reason to head out every Saturday; bad because.. i'll be bored to death at home for all weekdays. oh but hey, i suppose i'd have enough time to do my freelance work. err but somehow i have this strange feeling that this module is scheduled only on Saturdays prolly because.. we'd have tons of projects which we should use the time on weekdays to finish them all? haiya dunno la. for all i know, this Saturday, i'll be going to Montage with Dear, but! got class, how? sigh. well i've informed the.. uh receptionist about it. i'll just let them settle.

awwright, i shall end here before anymore precious time go to waste. toods.
p/s: i miss you Charlie. sorry if i made you upset. ♥

perfect ten

2009-05-31T14:03:00.003+08:00

last Friday class was.. relaxing. well technically, there was no lesson. coz Anthon our lecturer took us out to Bras Basah! that's part of our lesson too i guess, it's called Exposure. he took us there mainly for my two Vietnamese classmates, just to let them know where we can get our supplies for our projects throughout our entire course. i for one of course know my way around la so when we were at Art Friend i wandered off to the other side of the store and they all thought i was lost. -_-"

but on the way there, my classmate Serena said the funniest thing evaaa.
Serena: (talking to me) have you watched the movie Night In The Museum 2?
me: oh Night At The Museum? no no, haven't watch.
Serena: oh i watched already, yesterday, and it's so funny! but i don't understand!

and everyone just roared with laughter!

Anthon: how can you say it's funny, but you don't understand?
Serena: no i don't understand the English but i only understand the action.

hahaha. well, my classmates may not speak English fluently, nor understand English like how we locals do, but they're really friendly and funny and it's easy to talk with them.. provided that you speak basic English words and listen very carefully to what they're saying. and i'm beginning to believe that foreigners studying here are really very rich. yes. Serena even offered to lend me her money for the $60+ protfolio bag which she and Tony (the other classmate) bought on that same day. i was like, "no no that's ok!" haha.

after we've made our rounds at BB, Anthon treat us for a drink at Rocky Master. we talked about.. well, the different lifestyles of Singaporeans and Vietnamese, our future plans when we graduate later, etc. it was rather relaxing. but when i think of the two projects which require a lot of time and money, wahh i'm getting paranoid already. =/

as for yesterday, it was rather perfect too. ok not entirely, coz the plan to go for a "picnic" ended up with us having dinner at Rex instead. haha. all of Goat were there, each one brought their girls. and that include Dan and.. Hairul! hahaha yes all of us were looking forward to see Hairul with a chick, eventhough he only joined us around 9pm. so there were the whole 10 of us by then. moving on, all the boys now know of Dear's news on what's gonna happen next Monday and they're the ones who seem to be more excited than Dear himself. i on the other hand feel.. normal. haha. it's not like i'll be on it by Monday or anytime soon right. haha.

headed for home an hour before midnight (won't have to leave around that time anymore soon hahaha k shhh) with a splitting headache, ah stupid. sigh. ok lah. got work to do. till here.

stitch turns twenty-one

2009-05-29T21:59:00.010+08:00

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY STITCH!

yes, the dearest Shida finally turns 21 today but we gave her an advance birthday surprise just last Wednesday. apparently, the girls contacted me to join them for the surprise. i guess they would want to do it today, on Shida's birthday itself. but being the considerate girls they are, they know i have a class on Friday, and that i'm free on Wednesday; hence the decision to surprise Shida on Wednesday. ha (i sound long-winded, aye? -_-"). it was really very last minute considering that they only told me of the news on Tuesday. which means i have only 1.5 days to look for a soccer-themed birthday cake (Has's idea)(and Shida plays soccer hence the soccer theme). it's a good thing i found the perfect one around CCK interchange, and it's like so cute la like kiddy-kiddy kind. but it's a made-to-rder kinda thing. even the aunty at the shop was suprised that the cake is for a girl, not a boy. lol.

i was supposed to collect the cake at 10am coz the girls wanted to celebrate between 12pm and 2pm. but i was such a lazy doofus i only woke up around 11plus, thanks to Pe'ah for texting me. i started to panic, called her up and phew, luckily they'd decided to delay the celebration by a few hours coz apparently, Shida hadn't reach school yet (we celebrated at TP since they all still have classes in the evening). we re-scheduled the time to around 2pm, so i rushed to collect the cake, boarded the train, got a call from Fatin/Pe'ah to alight at Eunos since i could hitch a ride with them and Jamal who has a car, but i ditched the idea and passed them the cake instead while i go the traditional way of taking bus 23 frm Tamp to TP. huhu. so yes, met up with all the girls in school, missed them shitload, and Has looked so cute in her baju kurung, hehe.

but let's sidetrack a bit: my condolences to Has for the departure of her grandmother on Wednesday. yes, the day we celebrated Shida's 21st. despite all the sadness, she's strong enough to carry on her day normally for us and for her class presentation. (:

moving on, Shida was obviously already in school by then. we found a spot and immediately called her up to join us. and as usual, as soon as she reached all of us screamed "surprise" and yada yada yada, haha. i shall stop here now, let the pictures take over.

[+]Happy 21st Stitch!

ok, tired already upload those pictures. anyway, we parted ways when it was almost 4 coz the rest had CDS and projects to do. Pe'ah on the other hand, was rather free so we proceeded to Itas where i ended my craving for the fried cockle kway teow! but sadly, it's not as nice as when i first had a taste of it. and that was during my first week of school. meh. accompanied Pe'ah for awhile while she waited for Fatin and Has to finish their classes. left for home a quarter to 6, and boy, i wonder when will i have to travel all the way to Tampines again. haha.

egopop

2009-05-26T10:46:00.006+08:00

i guess today two people hate my guts. i was rude, i was a pain in the ass and i can't really be bothered at a certain point of time. hey, i have my own ego to feed too. it is such a mess, so annoying. i'm guessing Person A has already calmed down. Person B, not too sure. ):

and it's not helping that my handphone is acting up again. seriuosly, 6280 is fuckin' useless. it will just shut down and restart by itself even when the battery's full, and a couple of times of that will result in the loss of all numbers in call logs and the recently used numbers to SMS. how firritating. geez. i'm thinking of switching to a Sony Ericsson, if i ever have enough moolahs. oh brother.

i received this piece of good news last night:

:D this is just a snippet to an entire email that just made me scream with excitement and smile from ear to ear like a lunatic. i guess my online portfolio proved to be fruitful after all. :D i'm still unsure how my task is like exactly, but all enquiries have been asked and i hope things will go well from here; financial wise, i mean coz the pay's not too bad at all. Alhamdulillah.

ooh, i can't wait for tmr! you know i know you know i know you know i know. (;

sigh, how can i be upset over 2 things, and be happy over 2 other things at the same time especially that these 2 things are sorta linked together? am i really that foolish?

the good and the bad

2009-05-24T18:44:00.004+08:00

last night my sister came home with a purple "bandage" on her elbow. which basically translates to blood donation! how fun! haha. eh best what donate blood. i still remember the last time i did one when i was still at ITE Simei. had to do blood donation to boost my CPA points or something. and i swear i barely felt any pain (ok maybe just a teeny bit) when the fat needle pierced through my skin. but then after the whole thing i almost passed out because i din't eat enough food nor drink enough water. lucky Dear was with me at that point.

uhh ok this is totally random.

the plan to take photographs of historical sites on Friday was busted. erm thanks to me also la, give attitude. -_-" terrible, terrible. sorry love. so it was postponed to yesterday, which din't quite work either coz the both of us ended up wandering around town to City Hall then back to town again to meet Hairul and the rest of Goat. seriously, the weekends now with the usual people are not like before. honestly, i feel sad about this. i think there's something secretly going on somewhere, just not quite sure what but i don't like it. i feel happy and content with the bunch of people and i'd like things to stay that way. but i guess i was foolish enough to think good things have no end. bottom line is, i miss everyone, together.

sad story aside, i can't wait for this coming week of school! instead of the usual 3 days per week, it'd be 4 days this week! teehee. the lesson on Friday was postponed to this Tuesday, so this week i'll be having classes on all weekdays excluding Wednesday. how delightful! nothing beats going to school not having to do any mathemetical calculations or learning unnecessary draggy subjects, but only do stuff i've always loved. i'm really glad i took the risk to do this when some people just doubted me. i'll just have to do this right and make outstanding impression to graduate well, land myself with one of my dream jobs then i can laugh at the faces of those who hated my guts. mwahahaha! step mean aje aku ni.

alrighty, i'll end here. the tao suan mom made is callinggg meee! :D

try honesty

2009-05-23T11:14:00.001+08:00

it's hard to gain someone's trust.
it's harder to gain that same person's trust all, over, again.

then there's i

2009-05-19T19:16:00.008+08:00

today was impromptu. i was supposed to head to Dear's house to pass his mom a sample of my raya outfit, as she had gotten me the material for my raya outfit this year and that she'll be going to Larkin to custom-made all of their raya outfits. and no, i din't ask for the type of material, nor did she ask if i wanted it. it was just given to me and thank god Dear picked black -- most neutral and easiest colour to pick if in doubt, in my opinion. but at the last minute his mom wanted me to tag along with the rest of the family to Larkin to make measurements, as it'd be more accurate that way. i was reluctant, because i don't think my mom would let me. and.. i'm shy? ^^" but i headed to their house with my passport stashed in my bag anyway, hoping i could convince my mom when i'm able to get through her later (she din't answer 2 of my calls at first). so yada yada yada, my mom finally agreed, and off we went to JB/Larkin around an hour later.

yeah it was weird and a little awkward. and it's irritating that i still feel this way around them coz it's not like this is my first time spending an entire day with the lot; his parents and his elder sister. but either way, the day went well despite the bitchy weather. first stop was to custom-made Dear and his dad's outift at somewhereidontknow, had lunch at somewhereidontknow, custom-made the remaining us 3 girls' outfit at somewhereidontknow then head back to Singapore and that's the only one i know huehuehue. yeah i never did know the ways around Malaysia, even the ones nearest to the Malaysia checkpoint. they all look the same. and i don't travel to Malaysia a lot anyways so i don't even bother to take note of the roads there.

i'm pretty stoked for my outfit though. but i don't think my family will be out much, visiting our relatives for this year's hari raya considering my dad's situation. i'm not even sure how the first day will be like. i guess i'll just have to look forward to the outings with friends. sigh, i miss the times when everything was normal and average in my family. )':

this morning, i found this creature all "frozen" up in the teapot, less than a quarter filled with tea from the day before. AND OMG SHITSCARY LAA SIA HAHAHA! fat some more! i leaned forward to get a closer look trying to see whether it's still alive or not. or "play dead" to say the least. i knocked the teapot lightly with a cup but it din't budge even a bit, so i assumed it was dead. of course i told my mom about it right there and then. and about 30mins later, mom came running into my room to tell me that it was still alive and that it was struggling to wriggle its way out when she poured hot water on it LOL. i'm just glad i wasn't there when that happened.

running on empty

2009-05-17T22:29:00.003+08:00

i thik it's finally catching up. sometimes i feel like i can't take it anymore. it's just so tiring, and i'm running out of patience, i feel like i'm giving up. but i know i shouldn't and i definitely will never. last night proved how you never did see the scarifices made for you alone. but after exchanging of confronting words, you seemed to understand and i hope it stays that way.

my sister's in Vietnam now, for a holiday with the cousins. oh how fun. too bad i got school, boohoo. i'm nervous for school tmr. coz i'll be bringing Dear's D60 and.. idk, it's so nerve-wrecking to bring it to class and show Anthon the pictures we took for our assignment.

oh, i'd like to thank Dearest for loaning me his slr and accompanying and guiding me with the photo-taking yesterday. i'm sorry if i was such a bitch at certain point of time. ^^"

ps: e, tc of yourself. *hugs*

bruised lee

2009-05-14T21:08:00.004+08:00

my poor left toe hurts like cb. i tripped over the rock-hard, cemented kitchen floor and it took me awhile before feeling the pain. it took me a while more to look down at my toe and it looked like it's been splattered by a red paint which, in the modern day now, you know it as blood. by then my toe was practicalyy throbbing like the pumping of a heartbeat. and i frantically searched for a plaster, the wide fat one. it throbs when i sleep, it throbs when i sit, it throbs when i walk, it throbs even when my feet is motionless. so now i can't wear shoes, sneakers, and that bothers me because i don't have sandals (for now, since my only sandal is at the grandma's place) and i don't have slippers. yahh, i really don't. i rely too much on my sister's open-toe footwear and i'm still relying on hers now. haha. and my feet feel so naked.

now my toe looked worst than the first time. it looked like it has been brutally bashed up, no kid. traces of frozen blood, some internal bleeding, and the corner of my toenail is practically split into two. but it's not very visible la. but it sure looked nasty. it still hurts now. and on the way home from school, my plaster decided to give shame to my poor toe; it couldn't stick no more. so throughout my journey home, i felt very scared and concerned of my toe. my reflex was pretty good though, coz everytime someone walks quite near to me i'd lift my leg up real quick it was almost funny coz i was afraid they'd step on this poor thing. and it's not helping that the bus was fully packed. you can't imagine how kanchiong i was when the girl sitting in front of me had to alight, while another person behind me wanted to alight as well, and i was caught in the middle of the isle with my leg searching for the safest place to go while all these people were moving about.

and you can't imagine how weird i feel right now using up 2 paragraphs talking about my ugly toe. heh heh.

today's class was really awesome. i think i really learned a lot from just one piece of paper and 2 hours of my lecturer lecturing and cracking jokes. he stepped on a cat's dung today, and then he told us that the lizard that was sneaking up on our class' wall, is called Ramon. -_-" at 5pm we spent about 30mins (it took me 40mins, lost track of time) wandering around OldSchool compound taking pictures of lines, shapes and textures. i'm actually quite satisfied with the pictures i took. just not so sure which to be categorized to which category. in the weeks to come when Anthon (that's my lecturer) gives his signal, we'll have to print those pictures like at Kodak or something and printing means use money and by money it means my own money but then i don't have any, can't ask too much from mommy, so howww? hmm that's ok. Balqis will always find a way. haha. k wth. bye now!

anticipating

2009-05-14T12:24:00.004+08:00

this is so exciting! have already submitted my ideas and i hope they'll like it and will accept my contributions. i din't cite any particular quotation because idk how much is appropriate. but they've decided for themselves the amount, and hell yeah it's pretty good. :DD but the pay is the 2nd thing on my mind, seriously. it's more important for me that they'll use my idea as the final look.. and still pay me la of course but i won't prioritise much on that. as long as it's fair enough too, duh. i'll just wait for their reply and hope for the best. *crosses fingers*

Dear and i applied for a job at the zoo yesterday, online. lol. i hope i'll get that too. at least i know i'll be doing it long-term. and long-term means steady pocket money for a long time. haha. we proceeded to Bras Basah complex to survey for some of my school stuff and that was when the best thing happened - i bumped into Shida!! :D waaaaahhh i think yesterday was the first time i see her since the previous semester break! and i was so delighted la. chatted for quite a long time, catching up on stuff like how school is for her.. and her CDS -- is very interesting! she has to do mosaic work using coloured papers and all. cool stuff. and she complained about errr OOP? networking.. the maths quiz which is today.. lol. all the best girls! sigh, miss them all shitload.

last Sunday, which was Mother's Day, my grandma came over and brought an ice-cream cake which my uncle gave her as part of a Mother's Day.. celebration/gift. and only last Tuesday did i decided to give it a try. it smelled awful. it smelled of green tea. and i abhor green tea. but still, i gave it a try by dipping a little bit of it with my pinky, hoping the taste wouldn't be as bad, or hoping the taste will magically transform to be like chocolate's. and boy was i wrong. it was bloody awful, horrible horrible! how could i be so stupid in giving it a try when i already know it smelled like green tea. how could i even have such a thought in the first place, i also don't know. wapiang. gagged my hearts out at the sink, rinsed my mouth as fast as lightning with the tap water wanting to neutralise the taste as quick as possible. and soon after that, coincidentally, my grandma called to ask me about the cake. told me to eat it, and she said (i'll translate), "very nice you know, it smells like jasmine flower! i like jasmine flower!" i know she likes jasmine flowers because she grows them at her house. and all i said was, "yeah ok" haha. sorry nyai.

class in 3 hours' time. wonder where we'll be snapping pictures at. alrighty then, till here.

alexithymia

2009-05-12T14:06:00.021+08:00

my previous two entries seem depressing. sorry. =\

yesterday marked the first day of school. it was located at Dhouby Ghaut and i arrived 40mins early! haha. well it was raining and i was afraid there might be a traffic jam at Orchard since i took a direct bus from the interchange. so anyway killed time at Times bookstore, lost track of time, rushed to class and was 5mins late. that din't bother me really. what bothered me was, when i entered the class, there were only 2 Vietnamese students. i thought, well maybe the rest of the students will come later. we had to sign our attendance on the attendance list, and boy was i surprised that it was just us 3 students for this module! haha! so, if you were to ever ask howm y new classmates are, they're friendly Vietnamese, and sometimes i had to strain my ears to understand their English. and no, i'm not insulting. i just need a few seconds to catch what they're saying.

our lecturer is hilarious. he's a Creative Director, and also an award-winning photographer if i'm not wrong. he gave some detailed introduction of what we can expect in this module which is Visual Comm and we were already given our project scope that should start somewhere next month. and the next lesson, this Thursday, is photo-taking session! not of ourselves, but our surroundings i suppose. everything sounds exciting and makes me look forward to all the upcoming classes. but one thing which is not appealing to me is the money i have to fork out on my own for the materials and projects in the future. now i know why some design students drop out halfway -- money issues. and my current financial status is not very good. it never was good to begin with. i've considered this particular part-time job but i won't say what coz i don't want to get all excited like how i usually would. meh.

i "hate" my boyfriend. he now has a new laptop; a tablet PC, the kind which you can swivel around its monitor screen and draw on it using its electronic pen. ya. and i'm so freaking jealous! ok, so i don't hate my boyfriend like get-out-of-my-life hate, but more like, i'm-jealous-of-you-but-i-still-love-you kind of hate. haha. get it? no? doesn't matter. and talking about laptops, i just found out that Mac don't get virus attacks! well that's what my teacher told me, at least. cool or what. i'm thinking of getting one. o well, another wishful thinking.

oh, i ran into Di yesterday at Lot One! she's still as beautiful as ever with that long hair and her style! we were going in the opposite directions on the escalator and yet ~~asked~~ mouthed the same question at the same time.

right. i'm running out of things to say. til here. have a nice day everyone.

[edit] are my blog navigations very hard to find? they're now at the very 2nd top of the page. they're within the 2-lyrical lines, in a slightly dark brown colour. to Di, i hope you've found them. you're the "lost one" now huh lol! (;

[+] Just want your heartbeat, on top of mine
Using only song titles from ONE ARTIST to answer these questions. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think.

Pick Your Artist:
Anberlin

Are you male or female:
Audrey, (Start the Revolution!)

Describe yourself:
Hello Alone

How do you feel about yourself:
Feel Good Drag

Describe where you currently live:
Haight St.

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
Everywhere And In Between

Your favorite form of transportation:
The Unwinding Cable Car

Your best friend is:
Younglife

Your favorite color is:
Inevitable

What's the weather like:
A Perfect Tourniquet

Favorite time of day:
A Day Late

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
Burn Out Brighter (Northern Lights)

What is life to you:
The Undeveloped Story

What is the best advice you have to give:
Never Take Friendship Personal

If you could change your name, what would it be:
Alexithymia

Thought for the Day:
There Is A Light That Never Goes Out

How I would like to die:
Cold War Transmissions

My soul's present condition:
Time and Confusion

My motto:
There Is No Mathematics To Love And Loss

--stolen from Hoods

a major turn-around

2009-05-10T21:20:00.006+08:00

i really don't know where to begin this time. your mood seemed to be on the positive side. i've never seen you this cheerful eversince you were admitted 6 months back. yes it was weird, but i was happy to see you shine. to see your excitement telling us your stories although we could barely make out what you were saying. but then again, that was yesterday. today was no different; until you came home. it was a major opposite reaction. i don't know what you're thinking, or how you're feeling, but all i know is that it's definitely not good. you're going through a side effect only ______ will have to go through. i began to learn the drugs are taking over; it bound to happen anyway, sooner or later. i noticed your changes. it was abrupt. it was scary. it made us cry. and i can't help thinking this is karma; biting me back. if before this i was afraid for you and your condition, this time, i'm.. afraid of you.

school officially starts tomorrow for me. and for the first time, i don't give a hoot of what to wear (yeah, typical). and surprisingly enough, i'm not as shitexcited about it as i was before. in my head right now, is if you'll re-enact the scene this evening. please don't. ever.

give hell

2009-05-10T02:14:00.003+08:00

it was so not cool the way you did your job. you were full of arrogance, ego, and hostility. you fucking told me to erase and delete and i bloody obeyed your order and showed it to you for you to witness, but you just didn't, did you? you probably looked the other way, or you're just too dumb to understand the simple fact that i was actually doing things your way. and yet you repeated your demand as if i purposely didn't hear you in the first place. wtf. do you know how to do your job in the first place? and your ego definitely took hold of you didn't it, when he told you off and you just raged with anger. it didn't have to turn out that way if you knew of some manners and you did it the right way. being a security guard doesn't mean you have to act like some fuckin' big shot.

stupid cunt.

beun.uuuq.com

2009-05-07T18:15:00.006+08:00

7 May 2009, the launch of my online portfolio.
in my browser, i can see a white box as the background of my animated file. if anybody sees the same thing, notify me! coz it's very fugly. -_-" oh, and also if you see any yellow bar at the top of the pages, etc. tell me what you think overall too, k. i'm curious. (: and don't laugh if you think my domain name is funny, or that it sounds like bee hoon. haha.
oi! i say don't laugh! http://beun.uuuq.com

i'm a happy belly

2009-05-07T15:13:00.007+08:00

do you notice the rainy weather starting from 2am onwards? yeah it's been raining a whole lot during those hours. how fun! especially that i'd still be awake when it rained. well last night i watched ESPN with my dad: Chelsea vs. Barcelona. you should know that i'm not such a big fan of football. i only watch the game if i "happened to be there" when the game starts. so it was weird when my dad made me guess who'd win the game. haha. his guess was Barcelona, and as you know, he's right. times like this makes me wish he has a son right here to entertain him while the game was on. instead of having me here, reaction-less. haha.

guess what! i got my class' time-table ready!

i was shocked too to see the flexibility of my classes. i even double-checked with the course schedule coordinator to ensure that i'm a full-time student, not a part-timer. she confirmed my queries and assured me that in the future when there are more modules, will i then have a much tighter or different schedule. i was disappointed at first. i hoped for a Monday to Friday classes so at least i'd feel like a typical student, but with the timing an exception of course. but on the bright side, i suppose i have a higher chance of working part-time and not have my classes clash with working time! :D the only problem now is, i'm jobless, still in search for any kind souls who'd hire me. huhu.

burning midnight oil

2009-05-05T11:55:00.005+08:00

at 13 years old, i was a semi-insomniac because that was when i discovered the "thrill" of using HTML and i got hooked to it. i stayed up in the early hours of the morning, sometimes till 5am, and sometimes till i heard something shit scary outside my bedroom window then i'd shut down the computer and go to sleep. haha. and now, i'm at it again, just this time no thanks to my dad. been sleeping at 6.30am for over a week now.

as soon as he falls asleep after i massaged him, i'd steal a few minutes of rest, with the hope that he'd sleep soundly till the next day so i can have my sleep myself. but less than 5 minutes of letting him be, he'd be awake and ask to continue with the massage. as weird and stupid as this is going to sound, i'm beginning to think his body might have automatically been programmed with a motion detector or something, eversince his disscharge from the hospital 3 months ago. like seriously. how come he can sleep well one when i was still massaging him, aka feeling movement on his legs or hand (coz those are the spots massaged), but will get all agitated once all the motion stops? i don't want him to be pampered with massages 24/7. how to recover like that. besides, i'm not sure if it's doing any good (or bad) with the blood clot on his leg. sigh. i, for one, will get agitated if i would be called up by him every less than 5 minutes of lying down. so yesterday i'd decided not to even get my back touch the floor or mattress to rest. just sit on the chair will do. and yeah, i don't feel as frustrated as before. but tiring ah!

ok it might seem like i'm complaining taking care of my own father. sorry abah. i just want you to sleep well, so you won't feel the pain on your legs like you said. ):

but i'm just glad i'm not at TP anymore. i heard the new time-table starts at 9am and 10am on some days. if i was still schooling there, i'm most likely to spend my lecture and tutorial classes sleeping hahaha zzzzzzz. haiya. but i really miss TP. the classmates and the girls are forever missed, of course, but damn i'm craving for the fried cockle kway teow at ITAS! i don't care if it takes over 20mins waiting for the food. Hasni baby, tapao for me.

today is Tuesday. and i'm already feeling anxious and excited all together. 6 more fuckin' days to school! :D i don't know what to expect really. hmm, maybe i'm expecting to be able to click with the classmates.. foreign or local, whichever. coz apart from learning something valuable from the lessons, not bonding well with the kids will spell b-o-r-i-n-g c-l-a-s-s. not bonding well means not much talking. and not much talking can be depressingly annoying. and depressingly annoying, in a kinder word, means boring. and boring is not fun! haha ape aku merepek. i'm seriously blabbering now. _-_,

sigh, i need to do something random. seriously. i want to pierce my spectum and learn fishing. how?

yesterday is fav-ed

2009-05-02T18:58:00.005+08:00

Emil's birthday celebration yesterday was initially anticipating, and then it became saddening, impromptu, but it still finished off with a happy ending. the chalet was sadly a wreck, due to the swine flu crisis. the party was venue-less, but they settled for West Coast Park in the end.

there's our legal girl right there smacked in the center smiling from ear to ear holding a plastic knife. lol. image stolen from Deeya.
4 groups turned up, including us Goat, and as much as i knew the purpose of Emil rounding up all her friends for the party is for us to mingle around and.. well, be friends. but of all the tens of people there, Goat usually sticked together. well except for a few who knew other people from the other groups. i'm sorry things don't go quite as you planned for that part Mil. ):

moving on, i made a brownie-cake for her. well credits to my mom too, teehee. the decoration i did was horrifying! lol. but it was ok i guess. Emil said she liked it, so i guess that's good enough. (: oh yes, the picture you see up there are her 4 birthday cakes! i guess her birthday is the first i've seen with more than 2 cakes. aiyai-yai. after awhile Aziee and Maii came, along with their friend Shikin Monster whom, all these while, i had mistaken her for KinKin. haha. oh well. it was really nice catching up with Aziee and Maii though. aka Hayley and Demi Lovato. hahahaha! Radz and Rahim came around 10-ish. and everytime i see Radz, here hair just gets curlier and curlier as ever! oh, there was one hilarious thing that happened when we were on our way to the toilet: the both of us were walking rather fast, and chatting, when she was just less than an inch away from stepping on a frog on the ground! lol omg that was actually pretty scary. i swear we initially had the same thinking that it was some dead leaf or something. but it sure as hell was not when it suddenly leaped up!

overall, the celebration was not too bad. it may not have turned out as planned, but it was still pretty good. Emil looked contented enough with everyone's presence and i think that was all that mattered. (: she told me of a funny thing that happened when she was at 7-11 the other day. well babe, i hope your wish comes true some day!

back track a bit; before Dear and i left for Emil's birthday, i hung out at his house and we watched Upin & Ipin on vcd. hahaha ya i know the show's like so long ago but i don't have any Malaysian channels other than TV1, so when i got the chance to watch it, it was really hilarious! haha. i like the part when the kids greet their teacher in school. if you're really behind time like me, go check it out on YouTube; search for their episode 7.

whoo take a look at the date today! just two more Mondays and i'm officially a student again! at a new school and in a better course this time. new and better classmates? err not sure about that. bound to be a lot of foreigners. i just hope i can understand their English. not that i'm under-estimating them or anything i swear, but it's really annoying if i can't understand them and then i'd start to feel guilty for not being able to get what they're saying. coz i know how irritating it is when someone makes you repeat your questions over and over and over and over.

take a look at the date today again: 2 May 2009 -- 3years and 7months of ups and downs, sadness and laughter, annoyance and love and so much more with the Dearest Azri Andika. just 5 more months to hit the 4th year; man, time sure flies. love you. ♥

teman-teman hari lahir

2009-04-30T18:15:00.003+08:00

Emil (29 Apr 2009) everything sure will go up: from the intakes of fags and alcohol, to the visits to homeclub. right? hahaha. dah lah text aku kau tk reply. chibs. (yea i know i've meantioned this in fb lol) i'll see ya tmr babe. (:

Ath (30 Apr 2009) i suppose the only place we hang out is at the world wide web, but still, here's a dedication space for you. "bello" very nice right?

happy 18th girls.
and thanks eh, i feel much older than i actually am.
haha.

it doesn't matter

2009-04-28T17:06:00.011+08:00

my god. i had forgotten one very important factor of what it takes to build a website for my portfolio: too many image files, too many pages! (and in my head singing too many kids, too many trendy wankers! hahaha what the-) i have about 3 more pages to go, and that makes a total of 16 pages. and i'm expecting to add more to my collection in the near future. aiyai-yai. tedious, but sure hell of a fun, though. turns out the two big tutorial boooks i borrowed last weekend were worthy of my time and energy carrying them. haha. i just hope i'm able to upload it to my server/host properly without any errors. *trying to recall what was taught in Web Application class*

ohhh and speaking of borrowing, i'd like to recommend Pe'ah to visit the newly renovated library at Lot One. it was a tremendous change! very nice you know. got comfy sofa sets, nice study area.. even the newspaper/magazines sections have got some pretty chairs for all those newspaper-reading apeks. yeah. i din't quite explore the inner part of the library though. was in a rush. i came approximately 30 minutes before it's closure for the day. baru nk lepak sorang2 enjoy air-con. so anyway.. i don't really know how big it is. and idk if you're gonna like it, pe'ah coz i think your favourite library is the Yishun one. right? masih tompang Sideq lagi utk ke sane? haha!

oh yes, before i forget. i received an email from ITE Alumni and was so friggin' shocked with its content/message:

bloody hell. must wait till i'm a former ITE student then have this?!
so bloody unfair lor.

last sunday my maternal grandmother and her sisters came. and i have to say, my grandmother is definitely super canggih. she helped to change the stupid orange light bulbs for our lamp-wall, for a nice white one. i mean, she used the ladder and even had to reach out front to interchange them. and well, grandmothers shouldn't do that. unless it's really within their reach and without having to climb on anything. and today, she came again and helped to throw away our very tall, thin fake tree (it used to be in our house as a decor; and it's over 1.8m!) just by carrying them in her hands. my mother told me to throw that away eons ago but i kept a deaf ear and now my grandmother did it for me. haha. iUseless.

my dad was resting alone on the bed when my grandmother handled the tree. our domestic worker, Kak Gini, on the other hand, was in the kitchen. so even when i was very tempted to head back to my room and carry on with my "project", i took the liberty to massage my dad for awhile.. and that was when we gossiped.

apparently, Kak Gini told him that she doesn't wanna work for us anymore. something about taking care of my dad is quite of a hassle for her. i think it has come to a point where being the "nanny" for my dad is really testing her patience, and she's prolly running out of it already. i knew it. i knew it will definitely test the patience of anyone who has to be there for my dad the entire day + a few hours at night. i've been there, done that.. in fact i'd done more of that when he was first discharged; having to get up in the wee hours of the morning, to assist to him. and you bet i'm still doing that now. but Kak Gini is here now to help, so my stress level was not as critical as before.

idk if my dad's telling the truth. i mean i know he's not lying for sure, but what if he took it the wrong way? what if kak gini was just teasing, or said it in a joking way. i wasn't there to hear all that so i wouldn't know. but if my dad was telling the truth, then.. i guess it's really taking a toll on her. i've seen her put on a tired, stressful face before. still, i don't think she should've said some of the rude things to my dad (i shan't mention them here). i'd been in her shoes before, and frankly, at many point of time did i feel like lashing out my frustration at anyone, and i mean anyone. but come on, stressing out a sick person is worst than being stressed yourself. there are the consequences.

and i don't think my mom fancies her too. as in, she's not impressed with her. all because Kak Gini din't iron my mom's clothes properly; they were all still wrinkly and stuff. i find that hilarious. but i don't find it funny at all when she ruined one of our Tupperware's plastic lids. if you're a fan of the Tupperware family, you should know how their lids can break if not opened properly. anyhoo, i really hope she'll stay and have more patience. if not i can always ask my sister the nurse to come and bring her patients here hahahaha ok lame zzzzzz.

wow, can't believe i came up with 4 paragraphs complaining about her. haiyo.

i'm sure you guys have heard of the swine flu by now. or the FLU BABI hahahaha chibai sia. like no better polite word like that. verbalise on national tv some more, lol. could've gone with khinzir or something. anyway, yesterday Dear tricked me into answering his question, but he'd butt in and interrupt, saying "it doesn't matter" The Rock style. hahahaha wtheck! so now i thought of uploading a video of it here, as an ending to today's entry.

hahaha so what do you think? funny?
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!!
ahaha ok kentz.

little boy blue

2009-04-26T13:51:00.012+08:00

dear little boy blue,

i really don't think you're putting up an act just to get our attention. but why must you freeze up after a step taken? you remain motionless, expecting an automated rescue. i do want to help, but every step forward i take to lend you a hand, is a step backward to your independence. you're not supposed to be used to too much of external help, instead, you should be used to DIYs because you're the one who have to get the big prize at the end of the day. i am only there to instruct and encourage, and only give the help when very very necessary. not trying to be mean, not trying to be selfish, but all this boils down to your willingness for success. you seem to be deteriorating; buck up now.

p/s: i hate it when you have to go to the toilet. it's the saddest thing to see.

xoxo,
B

currently, i want #1 Wacom's Bamboo Fun drawing tablet. #2 a plain white long t-shirt (sleeveless). #3 a new haircut. #4 a new pair of slippers/not-so-girly sandals. #5 a high-cut sneakers/covered footwear (Lucky 13 Mary Jane).

currently, i need #1 patience. #2 a part-time job. #3 another 6 hours of sleep. #4 create a website (to kill time and boredom) #5 more patience.

so basically, my needs are very time-consuming if you'd noticed. oh and i'd just realised they're listed in order of duration too. anyway, remember one of my previous entries about the sudden change of wind? well yesterday, when we met the rest of Goat at town, Apit said that the incident was a sign of another potential tsunami. eek! and then i remembered about what my sister's friend had told her about a tsunami that's possibly to happen before or after the 22nd of May. eek! ×2 i'm not sure how reliable these sources are but to recall how shit scary the wind was, it could very well be true.

yesterday we walked aimlessly around town. chilled at Youth Park while waiting for Goat to arrive. the last time all of us were there, we witnessed a bunch of individual fat worms crawling across the tiled floor. and when i say a bunch, it was actually quite a lot! so last night, before Goat came, i "attracted" two worms. one was stuck to my WHITE top which now has a brown mark near the neckline, and another one was such a fatass stuck on my thigh! i was sitting with my knees up touching my chin, when i thought there was an ant crawling on my thigh. i brushed it off with my hands and felt a cold, squishy, gummy bear-like texture against my skin. when i looked down to see what it was i nearly jumped out of my seat and i practically flung the worm down next to me hahaha! -___-" and it's not helping that i was wearing some sort of hotpants. bleagh.

speaking of which, emil wore about the same thing too. hehe. over 2 weeks (i think) of not seeing her! and everyone else of course. guess i'll be seeing her and more of the people i know and don't know next Friday during her birthday chalet party. boy, i cannot imagine how many people will be there. i mean, eventhough i was told of the estimated number of people expected to come, it's still unbelievable! lol.

so. among us Goat, Dear and i (since we're a couple) are the only ones bike-less. everyone was pestering him to get his quick. haha. if the old times Dear was whining about how he can't wait to get his license, now he's harping about how he wished he has a bike now so the both of us could venture out to try different food complexes, join Goat for an adventure to explore abandon places, and best of all, to be able to go home a wee bit later than usual and not having to worry about missing the last train home. hohoho! and me? well, i don't really mind.. well except for the 3rd one. lol.

alright, while job-hunting is such a disappointment, i've found a way to kill the time (although i won't be earning any cash out of this) by creating a website for my portfolio. now that should be able to get me engrossed with something exciting while killing another 2 weeks of unemployment and holidays. besides, i'm most likely to do it on Dreamweaver, and that will definitely bring back sweet memories in TP. hehe. well, i'm off to give it a kickstart now. toods!

early ber-bird

2009-04-25T11:04:00.005+08:00

am an early bird today! not going back to sleep once got awoken is proven beneficial. removed my rusty old layout for this plain one. huhu. i guess this is my first layout without images whatsoever. can't be bothered with that at the moment. but i have a feeling not many fancy this colour. oh well. what do i care.

anyhow, less than 5 hours of sleep everyday is making me hibernate in broad daylight. erm.. ok not quite true, but in the train yesterday, i sure had one hell of a sleep of less than 30 minutes. haha. i'm usually the one on duty to look after my dad during night time til dusk. and oh boy, the last two days my dad reeeaalllyy had trouble sleeping. he'd be awake every 5 minutes each time i leave him alone to sleep. i mean he sleeps on a bed, while i on the floor, and he always want his hands/feet to be massaged. almost 24/7 as long as he's awake. i don't think it's actually doing any good to his blood clot though, nor is it helping him walk better; it's just something that makes him relax and fall asleep. so when he doze off after a good 10 minutes of massage, i'd leave him there and i myself would try to get some sleep. but less than 5 minutes later, he'd ring the bell or tap his walking frame with his back-scratch stick to wake me up and ordered me to resume with the massage. if i were a masseusse and i have customers like this, i'd be damn well rich!

well my bedtime that night was.. almost 6.30am. but yesterday (or this morning) i had quite a decent sleep although i started off at 1am and was awoken twice at 2am and 5am. that's because my mom took over my shift, so yea. i guess that explains why i can't fall back to sleep since 5 in the morning. what a power nap.

oh ya, my boyfriend's damn selenger. i talk to you about it later lah k budak dah pass teeeeepeeeeeeeeee! oh speaking of which, i followed Dear to register for his license ID yesterday and it took 3.5 fuckin' hours! we could've gone to watch a movie, come back and still his number not yet called out. for sure uh if we had done that.

[+] fisheyesight

busty hunk. hunk ape? hunk-kebun!

Dear's sister

p/s: did you know breakfast cereals help to control your body from getting fat? i came upon this fact from a newspaper article, and of all Nestle cereals they can feature on the article, they chose Honey Stars -- my favourite! to my TP girls, you all eat cereals sudah hari-hari. :D

bosanxcore

2009-04-23T15:16:00.003+08:00

omg i feel so restless right now. bosan to the max ah. like, i need to do something. go somewhere, outside the house and actually DO something. like school! man i can't wait for school to start. to kill another 3 weeks of "holidays" is so tiring, really. online job-hunting is proven not fruitful (so far) which means i might resort to manually look for part-time job at some retail outlet. it's better off that way i guess. at least i'd be out doing something.

earlier i tried to revamp the colour theme for my blog but my attention-span lasted for only 20 pathetic minutes. so i decided to not change anything at all, and turned my focus to YouTube for InDesign tutorials. now that din't even last for 5 minutes. coz i'd decided to get some excitement by doing something on Illustrator. but somehow after awhile i got annoyed, x-ed the program and decided to blog instead. man, what a fickle-minded journey.

but i guess another reason why i don't want to be cooped up in the house for too long is because.. i feel so sad seeing my dad's current state. no, not because i want to let go of my responsibilities as a daughter to take care of him but.. well.. it's just painful ah. it's so hard for him to lift his legs now, to walk. i really don't know what's going on with his body but if it's not getting better anytime soon, my sister might ask for my dad's appointment to be changed to an earlier date. well since this is the case, i know you'd go, "all the more you should stay at home!" yes, true indeed. but how i'm exactly feeling right now is like, i-don't-want-to-be-here-but-i-know-i-must sorta thing. sigh. dear god, please give him the strength to recover. quick.

that aside, did anybody notice the sudden change of wind last night? it was omg fucking scary la! i was at the balcony in my house, staring out the window, appreciating the cool breeze for that night when suddenly the huge tree in front of my house swayed like mad, its leaves got carried away with the wind and even the lamp post was slightly shaking side to side! i just stood there speechless while my sister was peering behind the blinds in our living room, noticing the sudden change too. leaves flying everywhere, some people in the streets quickened their pace and for once, i was actually expecting a tornado in the next 5 minutes. haha. pretty syiok uh the wind but it made me think if that was another stage to.. erm global warming? the earth's dysfunctional environmental problems? *shrugs* i immediately called Dear up coz he was at the void deck with Goat. he told me he noticed the change too (duh) and teased that i must be scared. then he told me to pray. uh.

anyway i thought the weather's gonna be a little bit friendlier today, after last night. but noooo it had to be a bitch again, haizxx.

alrighty. til then suckas.

bamboo fun

2009-04-22T19:54:00.004+08:00

probably the next gadget i should start saving up for

a handful of news

2009-04-22T15:06:00.003+08:00

on Monday, i felt so lucky to be offered with TWO jobs!

over the weekend, i had been job-hunting online searching for freelance/part-time graphic design or illustrator jobs. i came across a vacant job for an advertising company and i immediately e-mailed the person-in-charge. he responded within the next few hours, and very soon we arranged for an interview just last Monday. so to fast forward this story, Dear accompanied me for the interview and we were.. erm stunned (in a bad way) at the meeting place. i shan't describe in details on how the place was like except that the building itself (and the one next to it) reminded me of Lucky Plaza and Orchard Tower. and we aaaall know how those are like. =/

so the job is.. basically easy money. in a sense that, if i can find business people and convince them to advertise their business in our company's website at such low low price, i'd get a commision of 50%. so i did some calculations and found out that if i can close the deal for 5 clients in a day, i can earn approximately $200. ya see all your eyes now terbeliak already right. haha. so anyway, this job is also like, own time own target. it's all about my willingness to find clients and stuff. but the trouble is, this kind of job ain't for me. approaching people, convincing them.. i'm the sort that'd just say thank you and leave if the person refuses to accept what i'm offering. i don't really like to presuade a lot coz i know it's irritating and i don't want to irritate people. who knows, this kind of work could give me a bad karma and karma might just bite me in the ass at the end of the day. haha. so.. i left the place saying i'd give a it a thought or two -- when i already know i'm not gonna take this job.

we made a move after that, wandering aimlessly. by the evening, i received a call from iModels agency. you see, i was approached by one of their "recruiters" at Central some weeks ago. i refused to give the guy my contact details, but then i thought, ah heck, if they ever call me up i can always reject their offer. and the reality is, i never expected to get a call back. the person on the other line wanted me to come for an interview today but i refused. she said they need new faces to model for Starhub, Singtel etc. i don't give a damn la even if they want new faces to model for.. erm, Louis Vuitton? or whatever higher labels there are. i'm more of the behind-the-scene chick. haha cheychey. but in case there's anyone interested to try out, then by all means; go to their site which i've already linked above and give it a shot. but don't say i recommend la. pfft.

so. eventhough i rejected both job offers, it felt good to have been responded instead of left hanging high and dry. another two freelance design jobs which i've applied for are still currently pending for a response. i hope to get a call back for an interview though. *crosses fingers*

another set of news is from my dearest kuachickies.. yestreday afternoon i was bombarded with complaints from Has. she was bullied by Pe'ah and Fatin who seemed to have tagged team to bring her down, man. hahaha. and Shida suprisingly allied with them. poor Hasni. *shakes head*

now, the BEST news saved for last.. MY DEAREST AZRI PASSED HIS TP TODAY!! WOOHOOO!! :D he was all nervous and jittery since yesterday, not very confident. feeling he could pass, but what if he doesn't; you know, that kind of mixed emotions. i told him that if that's how he's feeling, he'll most likely pass, but borderline. chun chun gitu la. and indeed, my intuition was right!

but of course, he din't convey to me that piece of good news directly. he texted me saying he failed, his text message were full of angry words and exclamation marks. i was very doubtful, mind you. i know he likes to pull my leg all the time, so i wasn't sure if his "failure" was for real. but i gave him encouraging words anyway. when we met up just 3 hours ago, he smiled so wide and i KNEW he'd tricked me! hehe so happy for him. so happy that his parents helped pray for his achievement, so happy that he did some final revision, so happy that he did well for TP, and i'm sooo happy that he's the last of Goat to pass TP at first attempt, which means [insert name here] is the odd one out! (inside joke) mwahaha. i'm glad that all these motorbike practs fiasco is finally done. i don't care how soon he's gonna get a bike. just as long as i don't have to hear another, "sial lah, lambat sia nk pass motor."

i love porky!

it was so foreign

2009-04-18T14:12:00.003+08:00

yesterday was Friday. yesterday's adman talk with Eleanor Heng was.. inspirational, i guess? i was almost 10 minutes late due to the heavy traffic at Orchard. but turned out the talk only starts at 1pm -- we were told to come 30 minutes earlier just so no one will be late. -_-"

i thought the students who'll be attending the class are students from my batch, the May intake. but nooooo. i was the only new kid there, while the rest were already classmates of different classes. god i felt so alienated haha. but at least my baby was there as company, fully charged -- that's my mp4 lah deng. and guess what! around 20 students who attended, only 3 including me, were locals! 2 were Malaysians while the rest were Vietnamese. well i do expect more Vietnamese students coz SCD's education partners are all from Vietnam. but what i din't expect was the ratio of international/Vietnamese to locals! oh man.

well anyway, we did some group activity.. to sketch out various expressions of love and then do a small presentation. i chatted with my group mates about how the classes are like, fun or otherwise, and their responses were all positive. except the part when they say it also depends on who your lecturer is. when i told them of my expected time table for my first module, i was warned that my lecturer might be [insert his name here which i forgot what] and he is the kind who assumes the students already know the basics to using Photoshop and Illustrator. hah. thank god i'm already good friends with those two softwares or i might be struggling later.

2 more days to a new semester for Poly students. while everyone's getting ready for school, i bet i'll be sleeping soundly kekeke. but nah, i'm thinking of job hunting instead. any recommendations anyone?

this is an overdue

2009-04-15T20:01:00.005+08:00

not that anyone bothers, but fuh, i'm back updating now. the only reason i hold myself back from blogging is because i'd been waiting for Dear to send me the pictures from Oasis concert since two Sundays ago, so i can post 'em up here along with whatever stories i wanna update on. but he's such a drag about it so i decided to move along anyway and will post the pictures up (not too many though) and recall the moment when i get them. but beware now, it's a long post ahead, no pictures some more. k let's recap:-

6 April 2009
in my previous posts, i have mentioned (or raved) about School of Communication + Design (SCD) and my thoughts of joining them full-time. well, i already did. i've paid for the registration fee some days ago and on the 6th, i received an email from Michelle (she's the head of admissions), or rather a letter of acceptance. and i was sooo stoked! well i knew i'm definitely accepted since i was already informed of it in advance, but seeing it in black and white makes it more exciting! :D

8 April 2009
Happy 20th Birthday Dear Azri! :D even if he's a year younger than i am, at least it's good to know my boyfriend's already in the 20's range, just like i am! ehuehue. sadly i din't get him anything (i have $0 in my posession ugh patheticzx!) but i made him a couple of vanilla waffles! was supposed to be a surprise coz in his eyes i'm helpless when it comes to cooking and if i were to tell him in advance, he's sure to take it as a joke. but in the end he made me spill the truth, and like i said, the truth is a joke to him. hurhur.

his activity/plan of choice is definitely to head to his happy place, aka the zoo, but that only means eating our money. plan b was to visit the Crocodilarium but it's located in the east and we know nuts about getting there. Street Directory wasn't helping too. so not willing to risk too much of time consumption, we head for Henderson Waves. and we came at the wrong timing la. the sun was scorching hot and the air was dry (as in there was barely a breeze). we forced ourselves to make do with the situation and r&r at the sheltered area. but despite the heat, i couldn't wait to dig in to my waffles along with them sweetenings like whipped cream and maple syrup and hershey's chocolate syrup! Dear was grossed out by the sight of all the combo chunked altogether in my mouth but what the heck! still, he complimented on my waffles and i knew he was sincere about it. but in the end i was the one finishing most of it coz they were all seriously covered with whipped cream and maple syrup and he can't take it no more. poor thing.

we left Henderson thorugh Marang Trail as usual, and i could clearly remember my last visit walking through the trail: that time, when we were so close to the exit of the trail, this thick bush on my right shuddered without warning, and it was already dark around 7+pm. it scared the shit out of me so i ran off without hesitation. lol. but that was then. this time, at that same spot when were also close enough to the exit, something, a stick or a fruit idk, dropped from a tree next to Dear and it almost scared the heck out of me -- coz it was still daylight so not so scary. ha. and Dear was saying there were prolly some monkeys fooling around. and to hear that coming from an animal enthusiast who also likes to prank on people, idk what to believe. -_-"

9 April 2009
finally, after around 4 weeks of the school hols, i met up with my kuachickies! or the Ace gang as Has put it. lol. was supposed to join them for camping at ECP but i refused to since i can't bring myself to do it with my dad all sick and stuff (gawd i sound so angelic haha). anyway, the 3 girls were all drenched from sea swimming when i came, and Pe'ah was under the influence of Spongebob Squarepants coz she was actually playing with a jellyfish in a bowl. haha.

well, they knew my purpose to see them was to tell them of a certain news -- which is dropping out of TP for SCD. Fatin guessed it right coz she'd suspected it all along. Has got whiney about who's gonna go sarcastic with her, Fatin questioned about what's gonna happen to Shida then, and Pe'ah simply said bye-bye to me. hahaha. and in my mind, all i could think of how i'm gonna miss laughing my ass off every minute with their presence, how i can no longer ridicule Pe'ah who forever will have problem putting a proper sentence be it in Malay or English (lmao, jk je k) and.. how i'm gonna miss the fried cockle kway teow at IT school which takes forever to cook.

to all you girls, thanks for the kickass time in school. i swear i have never clicked and bonded this fast and well with my classmates like how i have with you guys. it's always all smiles and laughter and so far, no hypocriticism whatsoever has happened. err.. right? well i hope so. i'm really gonna miss every single one of you. we'll keep in touch, take care of Shida and if we all have enough money (especially me haha) let's tengok wayang at The Cathay coz my school's located just next to it! (this is your cue Fatin, to say wooohooo!)

much love!

11 April 2009
it was a Saturday and my family/relatives from my mom's side were having a family chalet/gathering at Fairy Point. it was to celebrate my grandparents' anniversary. only me and my sister turned up on behalf of our family. my dad refused to go coz he din't see the point of going since he can't eat, so my mom chose to stay at home with him so he won't.. erm kecil hati and stuff. i wasn't sure if i looked forward of going. #1, i fear the thought of having to answer my uncle if he ever question me about dropping TP for SCD. well he's a teacher you see, so at first i thought it'd be wise to ask for his opinion. but it was a wrong move for me coz then i was left with many doubts and questions for myself and not forgetting how i know he'd be semi-furious if i were to tell him my final decision. #2, i had to miss out on Goat's outing for Bonch's farewell gathering and Dear's belated birthday celebration.

moving on, chalet was alright. i dreaded the part when my uncle approached me to ask about my decision. yes, my fear came to reality. i wanted to tell him the truth, but seeing how his eyebrows have come together to show signs of concern and disappointment if i were to smack him with the truth, i ended up beating around the bush and acted like i still have not made any decisions. sigh.

two of my cousins made an acoustic performance. damn that girl can sing. and her elder sister played the guitar well too! my other trumpet-playing cousin along with his parents, performed an instrumental song by P. Ramlee. i forgot which song though but it's cute seeing the three of them perform. what with the guitar and green beans as maraccas. haha. oh and my grandfather was singing along too, double kawaii! hahaha. so in a nutshell, the chalet was a-ok. catching up a bit with the cousins, oh and food was awesome! there's tulang! :D and my other cousins brought chocolate fondue maker and.. yep, apparently some of us older cousins were at the front queue waiting, while the younger ones were somewhere and unaware. lol. left for home an hour before midnight i guess. tummy fully loaded, i had some trouble sleeping.

ps: if you, who're reading this, happen to be my cousin, pls don't spill this to anyone just yet! especially not to your parents!

13 April 2009
this was the moment of truth. cheybah. Dear accompanied me to TP to officially withdraw myself from the school. aaagh. as much as i know i have to, it's still so sad to leave. yeah i can be very nostalgic. or sentimental. or.. k whatev. and boy, there were so many steps just to drop-out! had to see my care tutor, course manager, the finance department, and the library, all for their signatures. my care tutor couldn't recall who i was when i called her you know. i had to mention Pe'ah's name then she remebers. "oh Rafiah is it?" haha yaaa serious! anyway, she was surprised with my decision. she seemed unsure of course, with SCD. all i said was, i've no interest with info-comm and i can't bring myself to stay on for another 2.5 years and still not achieve my dream. ok i din't exactly say it like that lol but i meant it like that. she signed off, wished me luck and off i went to see the rest for signatures.

and surprisingly, my course manager was all cool with my decision. "well if your parents know about this then there's nothing much i can say", signed! ha. so yada yada yada, head back to One-Stop Service and i was given an official letter stating my wthdrawal from TP. wwaaaahh saaadd!

but that's ok. i'll be happy again on 11th May. (:

14 April 2009
went to SCD to make my first school fee payment. i was told by one of the clerks there that there'll be a talk on advertising and career, this Friday. it's compulsory for all students. and right now, I CAN'T MOTHERFUCKIN' WAIT FOR FRIDAY!! :D teehee. after i made my payment, i walked out of the school, thinking about my next plan; to work part-time while waiting for school to commence. but for the most part, i wandered around City Hall by foot, enjoying my alone time coz.. well, i was alone while Dear was away with Zul for some motorbike issues. hoho. i survived with only $2.30, and that's how i'm now left with $0. D: D:

alright. is today's post long enough? mata dah saket blm bace? well mine have. but just few words before i make my departure..

I CAN'T MOTHERFUCKIN' WAIT FOR FRIDAY!!

take it to the billboard

2009-04-03T17:56:00.004+08:00

the visit to School of Communication Design (SCD, which i've been rambling about since the last few posts) was such an eye-opener! it was really worth the trip. Michelle, the head of admissions knew exactly what i was worried about so upon our arrival (oh Dear was there with me too, as always), she had the whole stack of documents as proof of SCD's MOE registered certs along with Case Trust and everything.

so as soon as my doubts and enquiries were cleared, we moved on to the modules the school cover, and the best part was when she showed me some of the incredible work of their good students, and even their portfolio. at that point, i was jumping for joy! on the inside lah. it was so inspirational and motivating. i was smiling from ear to ear all the way, the feeling was magical! going into advertising seems challenging and not what i expect to be heading to, but it's still my cup of tea. and i told myself to maintain my sanity since i've not enrolled yet and nothing official is done. so until that happens, i shall stick my head on what's on the top of the to-do list.

apart from that, our first destination yesterday was to ITE Simei to claim my GPA. honestly, i was more excited at digging into a plate of Cafe 1's superb nasi ayam with thousand island and sambal, along with my watermelon-mango juice! hehe desire fulfilled! yumyum. off to Penin to alter his shirt and.. lepak wherever. oh and we kinda forgot about yesterday being our 42nd monthsary. oh well. haha.

for the past 2 days, my dad had been turning in early and slept soundly through the night. well i suppose so, since i wasn't awoken by him, or the sound of his walking frame clink-clanking in the middle of the night. or maybe i was too tired to hear anything, thus my sleep not disturbed. hmm. but well he's doing great walking independently. i just pray he'll be able to eat as per normal when he goes for his next check-up -- which is in 3 months' time! -_-"

i miss my kuachickies. i wonder how they're all doing, spending their hols and all. oh wait, Pe'ah, Hasni and Fatin are always hanging out together.. so their days must be very well spent then. Shidah is definitely working her socks off selling Amos' famous cookies. hehehe. so that means her savings must be piling up fast now. in a nutshell, i miss school. i don't miss the lessons that much. but i do miss being in lecture rooms, what with the air-con, Shida beside me doodling on her sketchbook, Fatin and Hasni sitting in front me forever storytelling and prolly peeling kuachis and Hasni munching on Crunchie as well. then there's Pe'ah jotting down notes and answers from our lecturer.. ya that one semangat sikit. nmpk je mcm sotong. haha. then there's me. what am i always doing? erm.. alamak, this part blank a bit. what am i usually doing?

well. my posts are getting boringe-er and boring-er zzzzzz. till then la.

elust and pho

2009-03-31T17:18:00.004+08:00

okay i am not as depressed anymore. i kind of feel some ray of hope still peeking through the cracks. so in the meantime, i'll hold on to that. (:

moving on, some useless update about me is.. i'm back at CCK! no more staying over at my grandparents' place. we've moved back here for good since last Sunday, considering that whatever that needed to be fixed at home is all done, dijamin beres! i miss staying with my grandparents though. even if there's nothing much to do there. and now that i'm back here, i realise i get very frustrated quite easily when night falls. i think it's due to the stupid orange lights we have at the family room; where my dad's occupying since SCV cable's there. we have no choice but to turn it on when night comes, and it gets very irritating after awhile coz it's kind of too glaring but sort of makes the room look a little dull at the same time. well idk how to explain it but it is just very annoying, can make me restless one. haizx.

and my holidays are getting boring. i'm counting to the days til school starts. luckily, i have my Adobe babies with me to occupy my vacant time -- Elust and Pho! erm.. ok those are actually my Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop. just tweak the names a little bit and give it some shitznick spelling and well.. yes, you realise that i'm actually very lame, huhu. i am very happy with the 3 fake corporate namecards i've created which will be some new additions for my portfolio. hurrah. some vacant time well spent, i suppose.

oh! before i forget, i din't know ITE Simei is so generous. i received a letter from them stating that i'm awarded with a Good Progress Award (GPA) and i have to head down to the campus to claim my cheque. hehe so happy! i never knew my mere final-year GPA of 2.797 is actually rewarding. and it comes at the right time too, in my times of need! that's one thing to look forward to on Thursday. and the other thing i'm stoked for, is to do some "investigations" at CMA-SCD before i make a decision to enroll. two people are actually against my idea and at times i have a feeling they're right, and at times i also feel like i should prove them wrong. hmm, why why why, for times like these, why can't someone present me with a crytal ball that tells the future? or just come in my dreams, that'd suffice as long as it gives me the correct direction i should head to.

anyway, the third to look forward to on Thursday is.. our 42nd monthsary! teehee almost slipped my mind there.

ok so.. besides Thursday.. there's Sunday, 5th April 2009. this one worse still, slipped my mind most of the time, need to be reminded countless times.. which then lead to this conversation:
Dear: so Saturday confirm tkleh klua, sbab Sunday kite klua -
me: (cutting him off) huh? Sunday gi mane?
Dear: Oasis lah bodoh. :D
me: oh haha sorry sorry. :D

hahahaha yes yes, i can remember now and always will since the date's approaching. i wonder who i'll bump into. hmm..

alrighty, the ramblings end here. til then, all you rock 'n roll stars.

seventeen forever

2009-03-31T10:38:00.002+08:00

when i was 17, i knew what i wanted for myself. i have planned out for my future, i have made all the right decisions. my moves were spot-on. i searched for the best schools that offer the best course of my choice and now, here i am, happy with where i stand. this is just a stepping stone, my future slowly moulding close to as how i had always wanted it to be.

sadly enough, the reality is, my current state is the total opposite of what's above. when i was 17, i did know what i want, but i never really worked hard for it coz i always thought i was "too young" and that i have, like, forever to get what i want. my moves were a wreck. it's close enough, but also not really. i did search for the best schools that offer the best course of my choice, and now, here i am, still doing that as those schools have such expensive fees; i would never have enough even if i combine my savings with everyone's in my family. my current school situation might or might not be a stepping stone, my future slowly moulding into something i couldn't imagine, into something i had never wanted it to be.

i really wish i was 17 again.

sigh, i am very depress right now. i just hate how things are going. when i thought the sun is finally shining upon me, dark clouds just have to pop by over my head. i pray for good news to come.

52 KILZ!!!

2009-03-26T14:41:00.003+08:00

my sister and i took our dad to SGH the other day for his check-up. in one of the rooms where he was sent to, had one of those digital weighing scale. i gently hopped on to it without removing my sandals, and the reading slapped me with a horrifying 52.3 kilos!!! it deducted around 0.3 kilo +/- when i took my sandals off so there ain't much diff there. now that's the wake up call i needed. since then i swear i made sure i kept my meal to a very small portion and avoid unnecessary carbs. i've never exceeded 48kg (that was my weight the last time i checked) ever, so.. this was rather scary uh seriously.

and i hate how i'm starting to get weight conscious now. it feels so restricted. and what's more i'm such a big eater o my godzzzz.

anyhoo, i still can't get my mind off of all the "i-die-die-want-visual-design-school" fiasco. i crossed upon this newspaper advertisement of CMA - School of Communication + Design. i did some course overview and research of the school and waaahhh i'm back to the paranoia once again! and, this seems to be the only private school with the lowest course fees compared to other private design schools. still, it'd be a "deep digging in the wallet" for my mom, even if i fork out some of the savings from our joint-accounts. i've talked to my mom about it and i was touched when she said she would also love to put me in these design schools but money is always the problem. to me when she said that, it's like she does and finally realise of my interest.

so moving on, to be safe, i need 10K at most. that should suffice to cover for everything. so if y'all have extra income and looking for good karma in return, do proceed your generous donations and contributions to ### - ##### - #. haha that's supposed to be my account number la but i feel insecure revealing that on the world wide web. so the alternative way: email me at bellethasaur@gmail.com for my acocunt number! :D

god i'm such a lozerrr haha. -_-"
alright this school craze hoohaa ends here.

yesterday i accompanied Dear to rent a fisheye lens. it's really worth the $28 for 3 days, although it's actually just for a day. i'm lazy to explain the procedure la so if you're confused then that's your problem. so it was cool, except that if taken at certain angle it makes my hip stretch. like pear. oooh and i've found two d.i.y jewellery shops selling beaded items and accessories at such cheap prices i swear i can spend the whole day borong there! ala cheap2 pon i'm still always broke. but well, at least i now know i can make my own accessories and not having to save up then fork it back out just to get one pretty bracelet at Diva. huhu.

my way or the highway

2009-03-20T10:16:00.004+08:00

i got rejected. Visual Comm from Design School did not accept me.

i dropped by TP yesterday, with the company of Dear. submitted the form for the course transfer and i left the school premises, hoping i would at least be called back for an interview or some sort. about 30 minutes after, when i was just reaching Tampines MRT, i received a call from the school. i assume the caller must be a staff from Des School. she sounded bubbly and welcoming, but like war airplanes that came without warning, she dropped the bomb on me, wrapping up the whole conversation with "so your application is rejected."

well she first started out by double-checking with me of my last institution which i graduated from, which was ITE, and then she moved on to my exam GPA which is a sickening 2.8. she then revealed that the school does not accept ITE certs, and that the minimum GPA required is a solid 3.0. so i figured that, even if my highest qualification cert is ITE, but my current GPA is >3.0, i could have landed myself an interview for VC. so, in a nutshell, they rejected me based solely on my academics. *rolls eyes*

oh yes, there's this part i shouldn't miss out on: the reason the caller (or rather "the bearer of bad news") called to inform me of the rejection, is because "so when you officially receive the letter of rejection by post, you won't be surprised to see why you've been rejected. so i called to tell you the reasons why." thanks eh. can't they just state the reasons on the letter itself? geez.

before i admit that i sound like a sore loser (hurrhurr), Dear and i had a little tiff going on while we were on the way home last night. well, he had all the right to be mad at me about it, but he said something that linked to the source of our tiff, AND also that fit perfectly well about my, erm, well-being which so much so has got something to do with my rejection from VC. i'll translate: maybe God wants to show you that things don't always go your way!. and he's trying to say that maybe that's why i wasn't accepted to VC; because things can't always go my way. well i know that.

apparently passion is not good enough, since academic results beat to it. and sadly, saying how passionate you are in something doesn't do you any good if you expect to be given even a tiny bit of a chance. i read this awesome book based on true story, called The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch, and i picked some of the lines which i now will quote them, "Luck is when preparation meets opportunity". my portfolio is already my form of preparation, submitting the form for course transfer is clearly my opportunity, yet Luck doesn't seem to come by -- or have gone by, not caring. i spent the entire night running on that same line Dear said to me and i found myself asking, if i truly don't deserve the only thing i want to achieve right now, then what wrong did i freakin' do in the past to receive this sorta disappointment? hmm, maybe it's as simple as: I DIN'T STUDY WELL ENOUGH. -_-"

ok, i guess i should stop here. i'm beginning to whine, boo hoo. Dear and my sister, both suggested that i stick my ass in my current course whether i like it or not, and opt for a private school in VC once i graduate. the problem is, private schools cost a fortune and i don't think i'll be any richer by 2011 when i graduate. but in the meantime, i guess i have to suck it up and bear the horror of going through another 2 years of maths torture. simply sickening.

so all in all, i don't blame the school for the rejection (yes, i really don't although it may seem like i am just because i sound damn pissed). i'm jut surprised that the decision is made in such short period of time and that they don't consider any other alternatives before rejecting. but above all, i regret not meeting the minimum required GPA. tried so hard, but i just couldn't get there.

-------

from school, we had lunch at Mac'D. ok first of all, i know i mentioned about becoming a "vegetarian" on certain days but.. screw that now. not that it's so hard to do, just that after my uncle told me that he's lost 15 kilos in 3 months by not eating carbs (especially rice) at night, i decided to forget all about the veganism hoohas. so i guess, that'd be my best bet. besides, these extra baggage i have hanging on my hips should be gotten rid of by excercising, not eating less. i should prolly just look out for my portion of food.

erm, portion?? ok, confession time: yesterday's lunch consist of Big Mac, medium fries, coke, and a couple of scoops of McFlurry! oh and a quarter of McChicken at 9.30+/- pm. hahahahahahaha.

anyway after lunch we headed to Esplanade to catch the GoodFellas. man they're such a crowd pleaser. never once was there a poor rendition of the covers they did. i especially loved their set for Creep; they did a up-stroke, a ska version to it at the end of the song. haha awesome.

alright, it's already 11.14am as i'm typing this. and i'm still stinky! off for my bath now. til then, balls!

The brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough. They're there to stop the other people.

Randy Pausch

March 13th

2009-03-13T20:16:00.002+08:00

A very Happy 23rd Birthday to my Beloved Sister!
that's her, with her birthday present from yours truly. it was my first time buying something online and was a success. haha. does that sound kental? anyway, i loved her reaction -- jumping in her seat as the words 'Agnes B.' came into vision once the wrapper was opened. lol. glad she lovveedd it!

junk at rear end

2009-03-12T20:54:00.002+08:00

i got a 2.8 for my main exam. what an irritating set of numbers. i got that during ITE, which annoyingly plunged down real bad (ok maybe just by a tiny bit) as i moved on to my second year. i've never hit a solid 3.0. this is not a good start to prove to V-Comm that i'm worthy of being their student, academically.

and that's another thing; i've called up my Course Manager, to inform of my decision for a course transfer and he seemed ok with it. he just asked me what i'll have to say to convince the staff/personnel from Design School that they should take me in. i was told that whether or not my appeal (for the transfer) is a success, depends on my exam results (which is not very good) and.. idk what else. whatever it is, i hope they'll ask me for an interview or something so i can at least show them my portfolio. argh this is frustrating. and i think i have to wait til the supp papers are over before i can officially submit the form for the transfer to the school. and i have no freakin' idea when the supp papers start. geez. well i don't care. how complicating this whole process can be, i'll just bear with it. and no matter how paranoid i'll get over a downright depressing GPA, i'll just distract myself with something better. i guess i'm left with this hope i've been holding dear on to, for a successful appeal. *cross fingers*

moving on, my government's precious money giveaway is running out fast. in fact, i think i'm left with $7 or something. part of it goes to my $50+ of library fines. hahaha. that's what you'll get (am tempted to continue that line as Paramore's) if you din't pay your fines that started way back when you were still in PRIMARY school. meheheheh. yeah i was a bookworm. i loved reading so much, that i din't wanna return them. as if. i've always thought that paying fines was never a problem, as it's just about 10cents or 5cents per day (back then lah). but i was dumb and complacent that i never bothered to pay. haiz dumbo.

ok, something random here: i think i should be a vegetarian 3 days a week. reason: i wore 3 pants, and they're all bloody tight! ketatnye mintak ampon! haha. my skinny jeans is always tight, but this time is different when i wore it a few days' back. and i bought a new straight-cut, and it was tighter when i put it on at home compared to when i tried it on at the store's dressing room. and one of my sister's faded jeans, is.. not so loose anymore! i remember it being a little baggy at the upper thigh area. now it's practically hugging everything. i have an ass now. hahaha. so, my diet is to be a vegetarian for 3 days. but if you know me, you'll know this is just one of those "talk much, no action". and that is very true i suppose. i mean, me and food? we're practically unseperable! bagai isi dgn kuku. but i think this might take effect when school starts. coz when i'm outside, i'll have to fork out cash. and i usually have a $10 bill for the start of the week and sometimes i sayang want to break the money. so girlsss, avoid Breadboard, Short Circuit, Itas (idk how it's spelled) and Prata Paradise (especially Fatin) every Monday, Tuesday and Friday. set?

hmm. i feel like there's more to say here. but it seems i have to keep most of it to myself. the internet doesn't feel safe anymore. BUT! i can't wait for tmr. hopefully i'll be able to post about it by then. ta!

coz you shine brighter

2009-03-02T20:23:00.003+08:00

everyday i pray to lighten my family's burden in terms of health, wealth and peace of mind. i pray for strength and determination for my father to feel at ease when walking, i pray for strength and peace of heart for my mom for working late hours, i pray for blessings given to everyone who's been helping sincerely to my family. and now, i see my prayers answered.

things are definitely looking up. we've hired an Indon maid and she's pretty nice. she looked so reserved and unsure at first, but she seems efficient now. but she's not what i want to talk about. it is this: i'm blessed with such great family members. by "family members", i mean my relatives; siblings of my mom and dad. my aunties and uncles on the maternal side have chipped in to pay the salary for our maid whom i call Kak; or Kak Wagini if i were to mention her here.

i was really touched by their sincerity, their thoughts and concern. and my dad erm.. cried when my uncle broke the news to him about it. oh tears of joy. as much as i don't like having maids, i have to admit, i feel more relaxed, now that there's an extra hand around. currently, with the help of one of my aunties, Kak Wagini will have to travel to and fro from my grandma's place to our real home to clean the house for my dad later when we move back there. so.. when the time comes, and we'll have guests, i think i'd definitely feel weird having her prepare tea or food to the guests -- that's usually my job. well i'm not saying that just because she's with us i'd be off the hook from doing all that. it's just.. well i won't have to break too much sweat. now Fatin, ni baru Putri!

my dad on the other hand, is recovering fast too. now, he doesn't pant as much as he did before after a few steps of walk. he said he feels better too. hmm, i guess his stamina is building up. i hope his check-up next week will result in him being able to eat orally again. then, he can start eating rice, or more carbo to gain more energy. then InsyaAllah, he'll have enough strength to walk as per normal! :D

ok, family stuff aside now.

yesterday, the date with Dear almost backfired. thank god it din't! we watched My Bloody Valentine in 3D and.. it's not too bad i guess. it's more fun if there're more things being "thrown" at ya. haha. oh and i thought it was NC16, but it was M18. the victims are so gore it's wicked! :D idk which is more hxc, Saw or MBV. haha. and then we were supposed to look for my pants/shirt but result is zero. what a bummer. maybe because idk exactly what to shop for lol. we had little time left to chill, that's bummer #2. by 9.45pm, we headed for home. and yesss, damn early or what. but duty at home left me with no choice. however, on the way to the MRT, we stopped by HMV and i finally got my hands on Lush Tiga and AVA! sponsored by Dear as a gift for my birthday. lol. oh and behalf of his mom too. lol times 2. definitely unexpected, but deeply appreciated. thanks love.

and guess what, Dear told me Blink-182 is coming here in September!! but of course, he was just fuckin' KIDDING. seee?! heart pain right??! what a stab in the heart seh. hahaha k screw that line. hahaha. and ya i purposely say this unncessary random thing buat saspen korang je.

well, i'll be off now.

saturday (for i lack a better title)

2009-02-28T09:28:00.002+08:00

this is almost a week due, but i'll just say it anyway; MAIN EXAMS ARE OVER!! :D

screw Maths, screw Enginef]Fund, and i guess my performance on those 2 papers is screwed too, hoho. maths paper was alright, as most of the topics i studied for came out. i just wasn't confident enough of the methods i used. EngineFund was.. not fun at all! sigh. but i had fun though, on the day us girls did a revision on it at Fatin's place, right after our Maths paper. and it was so fuckin' hilarious lah at her place.

cheeky Pe'ah got her itchy hands to pick Manja (Fatin's hammie) out from her cage, which then got Manja escaped from Pe'ah's grasps! all of us panicked, and Shidah joined Pe'ah and Fatin in the chase for Manja; while Has and i, being the good girls we are, sat at the dining cum study table with our papers and pens at hand, entertaining Fatin's mom when she walked out of the kitchen to serve us drinks. we all knew how Fatin's parents will get a little concerned (and panic too i suppose) if they were to find out that Manja is on the lose. so as Has and i were talking to her mom, i noticed that, as she was talking to us, her eyes constantly gave quick glances to the balcony just across her, where the girls were chasing after Manja. hahaha and the girls kan, tonggek sane, tonggek sini. lol it's just hilarious. in the end, after Pe'ah finally got hold of Manja again and she was back in her cage, Fatin's mom sorta like made a final check at the balcony, prolly to make sure that everything's fine there. and we all just.. giggled like some mischiveous kids. mischiveous pale hotak.

moving on, Shida and i have filled up the form for the course transfer. Interactive Media Design for her, Visual Comm for me. i was smiling away while filling it up. my mind was already imagining the bliss if my appeal is a success. too bad we were told that we have to inform our current course manager before handing in the form. out of respect, they say. and we'll have to wait till our exam results and supp papers are out before we can hand in the form to them. what a procedure. *rolls eyes*

so.. 6 weeks of holidays. i'm starting to feel the boredom already. i mean, like i said, i'm most likely to stay home and take care of my dad. not that i'm complaining though. but on a lighter note, at least i'm beginning to have the patience to take care of him. and on a brighter side, the date with Dear tomorrow is on! considering that my mom will be home and so will my sister in the day.. so there's nothing to worry about how my dad will be taken care of. (:

oh, i need tips/help: i'm thinking of making a dress, knee-length. so where exactly can i get the materials/fabric for apparel, how much/long should the material be (my grandma said to make a baju kurung, she uses satu ela. and have no freakin' idea satu ela is how many meters whnagtsoevah) and how approximately how much my budget should be. and as much as i know that i might not get many response on this coz i don't think there're many readers here, just leave me a tag if you happen to stumble upon this humble blog of mine.

til then!

what's my age again?

2009-02-13T22:00:00.014+08:00

i swear i've been saying that line (or rather singing that song) for the whole of today. on msn, on facebook, lol. i do have pictures to upload, stories to share, but i shall spill all that by Sunday most probably coz i'm expecting another set of pictures by tomorrow. i'm just making this update to mark this day and date.

till then!

[edit] the pictures are uploaded, it's already 12.10am on a Friday 20 Feb, and i'm fucking tired. enjoy these truckloads of pictures!

i particularly remember this picture coz there's a significant line that says, "my hair so kental." and it's not coming from me! :D
[+] 12/2 Pre-Celebration w Family

as it turned out, my sister came home from work much later than expected, and surprised me with apple and durian strudel from Renaldo's (!!). no wonder i smelled something burning in the kitchen -- they were lighting up the 2-big-1-small candles. haha. and the next morning, just as i was rushing for school (about to leave the house, to be precise) my sister handed me a present. my heart was racing when i saw the present came in a Baby-G box, and i was so stoked when i opened it up, and the watch i got was exactly the one i've been eyeing! it's simple i suppose but i'm just attracted by the design and colour. and i knew Dear must be behind this as well, and i finally managed to pry it off from my sister right there and then. (:

oh plus, i think that was my most selekeh celebration at home, ever. but at least i'm comfortable in Dear's boxers!

credits to Pe'ah!
[+] 13/2 The Kanchiong-Spider Celebration w The Girls

Fatyn and Has have totally lost it

this one was impromptu lah. came to school and the usual girls who turned up were Shida and Fatyn. and myself, of course. Pe'ah was late and Has was a lazy bum. school was superbly slack, although lessons were held as usual.. as soon as school ended, Fatyn wanted us to wait for Pe'ah since she was already halfway to school. Has on the other hand, was still in bed when Fatyn called. itu confirm dah game over ah, tk dtg skola teros. frankly, i sensed something fishy going on. i mean, Pe'ah's random question about which chocolate flavour i like better, pretty much gave it away. but i honetly din't expect more than that.

Pe'ah finally came after around 45mins of waiting, with that typical white box for cakes in hand. but, the box was empty. haha basket. then came Has from afar, carrying the real cake, chocolate blueberry cake my god it was heavenly! so much for lazing around in bed eh Has. so the outcome from Pe'ah's question about the chocolate flavour was a Cadbury chocolate, and Shida, being the diligent cookie baker and an efficient employee at Famous Amos, got me a bag of cookies! 3 chocolates in a row, what more can i ask for? :D but then again, there's a price to pay. putting chocolate 'foundation' and 'conditioner' on me? mane lah tak rosak rambot aku, lol. tapi ade pergi ade balek. ^_^v anyway, thanks again to all you girls for that expected and unexpected surprise. i appreciate it loads, especially to Has and Pe'ah for coming to school just for this. especially that we only spent about.. less than an hour? coz i had to rush home.

[+] 14/2 Post-Celebration w GOAT

i find this boy very cute!

if he was an emoticon, he'd be: O_O

ni dah mcm BFF. hidung dah lah same.

ehehe. ni lagi satu. another thing which i sorta sensed in the beginning. i've been observing Dear's behaviour throughout our journey to Sentosa. from the phoncalls and frequent glances at me, to the smiles while on the phone.. like he was hiding something from me. oh, and 2 visits to the toilet at Vivo. now THAT is very rare. hahaha.

some time after the both of us reached Sentosa/Beach Station, Kay and Emil appeared behind a pillar (so funny the way i put it) with a slice of chocolate cake (again!) and a SINGLE candle! single woi single! not 2 big 1 small! lmao. but that's only due to space constraint. but that doesn't matter. they were there, with 2 boxes of pizzas. Hadi and Deeya came some time after, followed by Zul and Maii (these 2 names put together sound nice, yes?) at night. oh ya, not forgetting Hairul. haha. oh yes, i bumped into my bestest oldest friend, Irna! seeing how girly she can look only reminds me more of how we both were then. totally the opposite lah. but the hair tetap maintain. hehe. moving on, we took off longer than i intended too, but yeah, separated ways from Dear sicne the rest went off for supper. and i think, that was my first time going out together with Dear, but went home alone. lol.

whatever it is, i enjoyed all 3 days although they're just simple gathering. but definitely unexpected. my family, GOAT, my girls, and of course my Dearest; you all kickass. ^_^v

a note

2009-02-12T13:11:00.004+08:00

i'll make a quick update while he's soundly asleep.

i never really expect anything on my birtdays; previous ones or in the future. not even presents, surprises, whatever. i don't quite see the need to. ok, just a simple birthday wish will suffice. but it's a little different this year. i do want to have a day out, in fact i want Saturday's plan which Dear had told me of, to carry on. i just want to step outside, free myself from the current family situation for awhile. i don't mind going home earlier than usual though. as long as i get to spend my one-day-late birthday with the Dearest.

but it seems unlikely now. Saturday; my mom will be working, and so will my sister. then who's gonna assist my dad the entire day? i really want to juggle these two things on Saturday, without having to sacrifice either one. as much as i hate the fact that i'll be turning 21 in about 12 hours' time, that doesn't mean i don't want to have a pleasant birthday. look, i really want Saturday to work out. but bear with me, i'll try to find a way. i don't want things to be any complicated than it already is.

and you know, my birthday falls on Friday the 13th. and i love it when that happens. people will always say, bad luck. but i never see it that way. but then, i'm beginning to think, this year's February's Friday the 13th might not be as good as the previous ones. 1) i'm still not fully recovered from this stupid cold, 2) birthday plan is in a haze, 3) my dad. i have one more day before the 13th comes. February's Friday, please find me a way to sort my plans out.

moving on, whatever you have in store for me on Saturday, i want to see it. i want to be there to see it. i want to be there and see it with you.

ily.

not so good

2009-02-11T20:44:00.004+08:00

turns out, caring for him now that he's home, is more tedious than i thought. caring for him is around the clock, so to speak. having to feed him every 3 hours, not forgetting his meds and insulin jabs. i appreciate that my grandparents offered to have him stay at their house (where i'll be living in til God-knows-when) but i worry of how they're gonna take care of him when my mom and sister go back to work as per normal by next week. i mean, my grandparents aren't strong enough to lift him up if he wants to sit on a wheelchair. it's a good thing i'll be having a week of study break next week though, to prepare for the semester exam the following week.

apart from that, i feel bad seeing him in the room all alone, lying on the bed watching tv.. considering my condition right now, i don't wish to be anywhere near him, but i can't avoid that. i'm having such a bad cold since yesterday. nose is blocked, but somehow my snot just wanna seep out of my nostrils. and not forgetting this uncomfortable feeling in my throat; it's so dry. the worst part iof it all, i could barely taste any food!! i hate when it happens. and i can't even smell the food no matter how hard i sniffed it close to my nose. argh. oh and i hope i won't get a fever though, although i feel like my body's heating up. gosh it's just so horrible. so you see, i shouldn't be so close to my dad coz i'm afraid he might catch my germs.

frankly speaking, i never imagined my family having to go through something like this whenever i see the same scenario on tv. i really pity my mom. i can see that she's really exhausted and it's taking a toll on her. well, she is sick herself. and then there's my sister. being a staff nurse at the hospital, doing shifts that aren't fixed, she has to do the same thing here at home. and the both of us usually stay up all night coz he himself have trouble sleeping. and that resulted to me sleeping less than 4 hours since the day he came home. not that i'm complaining to all these, but i really hope he'll be able to walk again very very soon. if he's strong enough to do that independently, then it'll be easy. we just have to focus on his feeding and meds time.

Dear God, please give my father the strength he needs and the courage he should grasp in order to recover completely. give him a peace of heart while going through all these as i believe he feels the pain more compared to the rest of us who're just overlooking the whole situation. finally, give us, his caretakers, the patience, the strength (physically and emotionally) in this period of time.

anyway.. i'm really behind in my studies. great. i really have to catch up on everything during the study week next week. i predict my 6 weeks (i think) of school holidays will be spent at home. sigh. but that's ok. if staying home for 6 weeks will result in a full recovery of my dad, then i'm up for it. i'm glad though that all the 3 school projects are done and submitted. no more of burning midnight oil working on all those. last Monday's presentation require us all to dress formall, office wear shit. lol.

alright, my flu's really bugging me. i'm out!

for he's a jolly good fellow

2009-02-07T23:44:00.003+08:00

here's a piece of news i'd forgotten to mention yesterday; my dad will be discharged tomorrow! :D alhamdulillah. however he won't be coming back to our house. instead, he'll be over at my grandparents' house; his in-laws. well he chose to stay there anyway, for the time being. coz considering that the 3 of us (my mom, sister and myself) won't be home in the day due to work and school, no one will be home to care for him. and it was my grandma who offered to help, but we can't make her come by our house everyday to look after my dad right. so all of us agreed to let my grandma care for my dad. not sure for how long, but i guess prolly til he's strong enough to walk independently. he's been doing his therapy though. the best part about it was, the therapist made him walk with the four-legged walking stick. and my dad said it was alright, although it was quite.. muscle straining? but at least he's able to move his legs and all.

so i guess it's left with his feeding. right now he's only able to feed through a tube through the nose. i hope he'll be allowed to remove the tube and eat as per normal. seeing him consuming a can of milk through the tube everyday is so.. unfulfilling. i mean i imagine myself in his place. aku lagi kuat makan. mana boleh itu macam. makin sakit seh. haha.

moving on.. the Web App project is finally over! it was already submitted, already uploaded to the school server and i'm freakin' stoked with the outcome! :D but i still think the whole layout can look waayy better if more time was given. although the flash buttons aren't functional at all (BIG SIGH), i still feel content with it. i just hope our grades will reflect on how much effort we've put into it. one important thing i learn through this project is.. BACK UP, BACK UP, BACK UP!!

Wrtoral is still in the process. that's such a worrysome. it's due this Monday, and it's the first lesson of the day, and i barely have time to do anything for it. so does Shida (team mate) i guess, coz she's busy with work all these weekend. and it'sn ot helping that my dad will be discharged tomorrow. now don't get me wrong when i said that. what i mean is, my presence is surely needed the entire time when he's over at my grandma's place tomorrow. so i think i barely would have time to sit and complete my part of the project.. which i'm still not sure what my part is. haha. and then there's Comp Prog. my god that one's a killer. bloody hell i don't even wanna talk about it.

yesterday after school, met up with the Dear and as usual, the rest of Goat. Far East had this.. err.. Clap! thing they call it. some live band performances. and that whole thing was like a reminisce of.. 2005? ha. i really miss those times a lot.

okay, just 5 days to 13 February. nice date, nice day that it falls on (Friday the 13th!) but what a bad number that will make me. haha. oh wth. at least some people still thought i'm 17! :D

dismantle me

2009-02-05T23:18:00.004+08:00

for the first time eversince my dad has been hospitalised, i reached home a quarter past 3am last Saturday. i should've known better not to, considering my dad's situation and i know mom's gonna be freakin' pissed, and indeed, she was. as soon as i reached home, i was bombarded with her yelling and crying, making me feel more guilty than i initially was.

i believe in "things happen for a reason", and i kind of got the idea that it's because of my behaviour that got my dad to be in the current condition. you know, like that's a message from God to make me realise my mistakes and such. but of course, i never say it to anyone. it's just something i thought to myself and i felt bad about it. but it's not such a big deal.. or maybe it is. either way, that was the kind of confrontation i got from dearest mother and that was all it takes to make me cry. wah emo seh. ahh _|_ you. so her main point was (or so it seemed) that i'm selfish, i guess. of course deep down i don't agree to that. i'm not completely selfish.

until some days ago. there's a person who pointed out exactly what i never thought i am; and a whole lot more. it was like, a repeat of that Saturday night's episode; only worse. but they're right i suppose. the people i should prioritise more on, i tend to put them aside. i know that shouldn't be the way, but somehow it just happened. has anyone ever gone through the same? oh, or maybe i'm taking things for granted. hmm.. yes, i remember being told that.

anyway, life is going downhill from here. i swear. hrmph.

all that aside, school is left with one week. another week of study break before my first exam. just 2 papers, but i bet i'll be going through about 2hours of hell for each one. i'm halfway lost in EMaths; Chapter 4 is a such a motherfucker and the same goes for Engine Fund Functional Blocks. and many many many many many many more urgh can die.

my energy's really running on empty. like seriously uh. take yesterday for instance. Maths quiz started at 9am, and i only bloody woke up at 8.15am lah! best or what. the funny thing was, i din't even remember hearing my alarm went off, nor did i budge when my mom tried to wake me up. i only woke up when i heard my sister's alarm went off. and she was in her room next door! -_-" so i kanchiong spider for awhile and texted Pe'ah to cover for me if the teacher asks. so yeah. i made up for the quiz just today after school and i come to a conclusion that sitting for a make-up quiz alone has its advantage; coz you can actually refer to your notes since the teacher isn't there in the room to invigilate you so you're actually alone! haha. but i din't cheat lah of course. even if the last question was a sudden death. pfft.

alright, i'm off to complete the Web App project.. which actually due today. huhu.

i want ang pao

2009-01-25T00:02:00.004+08:00

i know my title spells the word hongbao wrongly but it looks better when spelled that way, and i only came up with such a title because i have no better ones and i'm always random when it comes to thinking of names or titles.. and i have no freakin' idea why i bother to reason this! geez.

anyhoo, my morning started off well today.. although i woke up much later than expected (sleeping deprivation got the best of me, huhu). but thanks to Dear though for that unexpected morning call.. or else i might have woken up at noon or something (which i haven't done for a loooong loooong time, sigh). so what exactly did i do this morning? well.. i did my web design project of course! :D and it's almost done, yay! hahaha. well what can i say, these sorta thing can always perk me up. which gives me an idea.. if my group can wrap this up real quick, i might just have some spare time to create a new layout for my blog! :D lol how much geekier can i be, i'll never know.

this week i've been late for classes a couple of times. well my arrival to the classes is still within the 15-minutes-of-grace range though, and my attendance is still taken but somehow, it seemed like i wasn't as kanchiong for punctuality as i was before, when i first started school. yelah baru2 skola kan kene ade semangat kentalzx. but that isn't the reason for me slacking off in E.Maths. yea like wtf. so far i'm able to cope with the current chapter, but for the previous chapters which the class have already covered, damn i'm like.. gasping for air, if you know what i mean. and failing Quiz 2 by one mark is the last thing i need, and that's exactly what i got, goddamnit. now it feels like i'm transported back to Secondary School. well if that's the case, then i need Ms Phang back. oh and i've been so distracted by the projects that i barely touch on my E.Maths and EngFund for weeks now and i'm beginning to have a feeling that at the rate i'm going, my exam grades won't even be at the satisfactory level! and if my grades aren't good, will my chances of transferring to V-Comm be any better? ahhhokaaaaayy i'm getting paranoid now so let's drop this shall we?

yes i shall.

today, after visiting my dad, my mom told me about a rather sad cum shocking incident she had with him last night. my dad got pissed at her when she couldn't understand what he was trying to say. like duh, no one could hear nor understand him at the first attempt. even i have to guess whatever he's trying to say a couple of times before i got it right. moving on, my mom said he got so pissed that his eyes were practically red and bulging out of fury and he said something (or forcing himself to) which i shan't say over here. hmm. yes, it was really surprising i admit. poor mom. but the good thing is, after awhile when he had cooled off, he apologised to my mom for his action. aww.

and just now before we left, he said he missed home. sigh. that almost brought me to tears. i was practically imagining myself in his place. lying there in bed for 2 months straight, not able to walk around, seeing the same old thing in the same old room/ward.. and especially not having the feeling of.. well, just being at home; a place where you return to everyday. must be very irritating eh to feel that way. oh and not bing able to eat home cooked food. whoa i'm telling you, that would be my biggest motivation to get well soon, man. haha. if i was ever hospitalised lah. not that i'm hoping for it.

okie doke, i've to switch back to Dreamweaver now. at least it'll get my mind off.. anything else that's stressful. toods~

dreading february

2009-01-17T23:38:00.010+08:00

the fairlady complained about having to read the same old lines from my previous entry for over 3 weeks now. and so did that particular girl sneezing on my taggie. hmm. well, here i am now girls. a first entry in my long-neglected blog for 2009.

*mind goes blank* shit. i hate it when this happens.

ok here goes.

school is driving me nuts, seriously. and literally too, coz Hasni's been munching on her Camel sugar-coated peanuts for weeks.. but she gave up on 'em now since they give her some side-effects or some sort. lol. so as i was saying, school projects have gone up to 3 now and each one is sooo time consuming. what with my "busy schedule" of having to visit my dad at the hospital every single day and only to reach home latest by 10.30pm on a school night. it's wearing me out really. hats off to Shida though coz i think she has to go through the same thing, only that she's super busy with work and her soccer trainings.

but apart from the downside of doing the projects, at least i'm enjoying one of 'em. boleh berangan jadi budak v.comm woohoo! erm ok that sounds more like desperation. but on the other hand, even if 2 of our friends have sorta drifted apart, we girls sure enjoy each other's company. like last Thursday; my god, we were laughing almost the entire day, my tummy hurt so bad it's like i was doing crunches! i swear i could feel my abs tightening. as if i'm working out like that. huhu. we had our lunchbreak at Prata Paradise, just across the school. my Prata Masala was superb, and so was Fatin's Butter Prata! but sadly, my favourite Cheese Prata cost $3, just like the one at Juliet's. geez why so ex.

Fatin then bought 2 packs of kuacis.. (sunflower seeds i think) which then mutated us to hamsters during lecture..

long live kuacheekies! teehee.
credits to Hasni. ^-^b

eh this is not considered plagiarism kan?
moving on, things are not so constant with Dear and i. but hey, we always work things out in the end. it's just tiring though whenever the whole cycle starts again. i know he feels the same way too. so dearest, i'm sorry ok? i felt pretty content yesterday though. the 2 of us had our lunch at BK Eating House (we tried very hard to avoid eating at Juliet's which is just across the road, mind you) and my Sweet n Sour Chicken Rice almost tasted like my mom's sweet n sour fish. off to meet the usual hangout kids at Forum.. where we bumped into Iza the Chatterbox. lol. i swear that girl has grown so much since the last time i saw her. which was.. 4 years ago? and she's still chatterbox-y. haha.

oh oh, Gossip Girl ep 15 is so bastard-y. like can get high blood pressure seh. but thanks to Khairil, coz he's like my "one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite." HAHAHAHA Emil has got to read this coz i know she knows it's funny! man, i crack myself up sometimes. -_-"

ok. not that anyone will bother about my next topic, but it's about my dad. some of you must have known this by now that he's on trekki (a tool attached through his throat) and that his voice is inaudible when he tries to speak. so here's a funny story: just yesterday, upon his request, my mom had given him his handphone so he can send SMSes to whoever he wishes. however, he did call my granny up this morning, and he called me up twice today and all i heard was faint sighings and heavy breathings with the sound of the television at the background. trying his luck, maybe? haha. or maybe trying to be funny. hahaha. he must be lonely i bet, coz he called me during the non-visiting hours. so i merely told him to wait for my arrival and mom's in the evening. and then he just hung up on me. well that's what i should be expecting anyway, lmao.

alrighty, i'll end here now. have to catch up on my sleep. but i for sure ain't lookin forward to catch up for next month. less than a month dah woi. erks!

[+] some junk in ma trunk yaw

(when all was well)

peace out, homie. -.-v

the last night

2008-12-31T21:59:00.002+08:00

woke up to a bad start, not to mention my previous night ended awfully sour either. as a result, for the first time ever, i don't give a damn shit about the new year celebration, nor am i looking forward to the stupid '09.

the plan today was, after visiting my dad, was to go home, put on a record and turn the volume out loud while doing my Comp Prog. my mom's expected to be spending the night over at her mom's house though, so i'm likely to be alone at home. super. and yes, the plan to spend the last night before the crappy new year comes sure sounds like a bore, but that's exactly what i need. peace and time for myself.

sadly, i can't have that, because i feel bad if i don't stay over at my grandmother's place, since she's been really wanting us to spend the new year celebration here. the reason: her neighbourhood holds a yearly new year celebration directly in front of her flat and Hady Mirza's prolly coming for a song or two -- not that i give damn about it and that's besides the point -- thus, her persistence for us to spend NYE here. i wouldn't have given in though, but considering she's my grandma and.. well, old people tend to take things to heart easily(aka sulk), i couldn't turn her down. well this maternal grandma of mine isn't like that, but you never know, right?

so here i am, in her house i once reside in during my primary school years, on the single bed typing this away. trying to block out the noise outside simply coz i really ain't no mood for all these crap. geez. 2 more hours before all these "party people" countdown to January 1st, with fireworks lighting up the night sky.. oh i can imagine many faces smiling and cheering, welcoming the new year.

but so what?
been there, done that.. except that the company of friends are (i assume) definitely merrier than before.. but then again, the only company i need right now is myself.

ok now i sound like a sore loser. hahaha. -_- dearest friends and the Dear himself are prolly goofing around right now, as usual with their random antics. ha. i wish i could be there, but i'm glad i choose not to coz my heart's not in the right place for a jolly fun time. even if i put on a fake front, i don't think i can hold it long enough.. and it won't be fair for anyone. especially you.

and as much as i hate it, i think it's safe enough for anyone to label me emo just for tonight since every few minutes when my mind starts to wander i feel like crying. ugh how lame. but how true.

i miss you A.
i'll miss you too, 2008.
xoxo

demoralised.

2008-12-29T22:19:00.002+08:00

as i'd mentioned in the previous post, my dad's transferred to another hospital for physio therapy this afternoon. his transfer was initially scheduled at 10am, but it was changed to 12 noon. but then this morning the hospital called to say he's scheduled to 10am! and i was happily enjoying my breakfast (which then became another tummy ache -- yes, i'm still not fine!!). so i got kanchiong spider for a bit and finally decided to cab my way to the hospital, coz i'm supposed to be accompanying my dad in the ambulance car to be transported to the new hospital. and boy, was i excited to be in the ambulance car! teehee. well anyway, had to skip the first day of school today because of my dad. come to think of it, i could've gone to school you know, coz my mom decided to take the day off at the last minute. sheesh, what a fickle-minded family i'm in.

and just a day off from school, i'm bombarded with the news from Shidah about a new project for Web App. ok lah, it's just an additional one project but there's a total of 3 projects already! damn. as for the other 2 projects.. i'm barely even close to the finishing line. damn-er.

frankly speaking, i really have no mood for school. serious. half of me felt like.. giving up. and help look after my dad when he's discharged in the future, considering my mom and sister are working. but then my future will be in jeopardy. ahh whatever. i just hope my appeal for a course transfer next month or applying for the next Poly intake in a course i want will be a success. maybe that will help to boost my spirits up. you know, as a form of motivation. right now, i'm simply.. demoralised.

apart from that, i'm really missing someone already.
and, as for what you said to me this afternoon, i do love you lah. duh!

make it go away

2008-12-27T23:37:00.002+08:00

i think my diet has gone a bit haywire since the last few days. come to think of it, i've been eating so damn much, even when i actually am already full. and yet i still stuff more food in my mouth. no wonder my tummy's all acting crazy. but that was since 2 to 3 days ago uh. today i barely touch anything edible. ok maybe just 3 kueh pao, a bowl of chicken porridge and some biscuits. a lot? although my tummy ache is still being like a bitch, it comes and it goes as it pleases, i sure feel a bit better. the pain only stays for a short while.

but now, i'm beginning to think that maybe there's a lost worm stuck in my tummy that causes the havoc. eee gross siak if there really is. :\

anyhoo, my dad will be transferred to another hospital at Bukit Batok, which specialises in physio therapy, since that's what my dad needs right now; lots and lots of exercise to get those muscles back. he's practically skins and bones (ooh Ath's blog address!) on the hands and legs. this shows his improvement at recovering, but i'm still worried for his heavy coughing, the phlegms and all. i wonder if the nurses/staff there are as friendly and nice as at SGH. but should be lah eh, since their motto/slogan is "Serving, Loving, Healing". lol. but at least it's near our place, so going back home from there after visiting dad shouldn't be too tiring. especially for mom.

oh yes, 5 more days to 2009. and less than 2 months to _____. man, i really enjoy 2008 and don't wish to go on any further from here. i know in life, you need to learn to accept whatever changes that befall. and i come to realise, i don't really like changes. at all.

so used to this

2008-12-27T00:24:00.000+08:00

good gracious. 3 more days to school re-open and i have to say, my thought of it is a total opposite compared to when the school hols just started 2 weeks back. i'm really not in the mood for school work. just the company of fellow classmates maybe, but not the projects and brain-cracking shits and all that junk. i'm already used to this almost-fixed routine of making my way to the hospital by 11 in the morning every single day, and only to return home latest by 10pm. yes, it sure is quite a bore but hmm, i'm practically one myself. *shrugs* either that, or the thought of me having to be in this situation for a very long time has finally sank into my little brain and i've lost all motivation to loosen up and have fun. or at least try to.

idk why i'm so negative today. i'm prolly like this because (1) of this annoying tummy ache that comes and goes the entire day; aka making me withdraw silent-killing gas 24/7 and it's driving me insane, really. (2) i, somehow (and for the first time i might add) have this almost-major case of envy of Dear and his family for going away on a holiday to Malacca, Cameron Highlands and KL from this morning till Monday night. hrmph. yes, i know this is just a small matter but.... idk. the current family situation really made me think a lot about life. and health, of course.

for just one night, i wish to be someone else. not faking it, but to really be another kind of person i've created a couple of times in my imaginations. for just one night, i want to forget everything and be anything. for just one night, i want the pace of my heart, my mind, and my body in sync; calm and buoyant. as for tonight, i need to get some damn sleep and hopefully this bloody tummy ache will cease by tomorrow morning!! -___________-"

so.. asta la vista balls!

strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
silver moon's sparkling
...so kiss me

to breathe for awhile

2008-12-15T14:36:00.007+08:00

am currently at the hospital now. well, at the waiting area to be precise, since visiting hours is over and the nurses are doing their rounds. my dad's been doing great. the progress/improvements are obvious. oh and did i mention he's been transferred to a ward? that means he's no longer in ICU! which means, he's.. well, improving. however this ward that he's transferred to since last Thursday isn't a normal ward. it's High Dependency. it's like, below ICU, but above normal wards. so he's pretty much in between, and that the visiting hours is still as strict as when he was in ICU. so yeah. for those who got to know of my dad's news be it from my blog or the newspaper, and had been praying for his recovery since, i thank you, on behalf of my family too. let's hope he'll get much much better very soon.

anyway, the only reason i bother to bring my sister's lappie here is because i'm supposed to be doing my Comp Prog. well i'm supposed to download the software first actually but gah i got sidetracked for a bit now and wasting this lappie's battery life instead. huhu.

you know, about a week ago, Dear got hired as a photographer! hahaha. well maybe that sounds a little overrated. his cousin's a manager for Cuba Libre and he wanted Dear to take photographs for the bar's 2nd anniversary. wah, so proud of him. and wah, so jealous! garr. lol. speaking oif which, Dear and Kay went to Ubin for some gay fun. hahahhaa. well the initial plan was that it'd be us 4; them, plus emil and i. but we girls have our own plans that day (me having to come see my dad of course) so left just those 2 boys. they had fun, i bet. but i guess it's a good thing i couldn't make it.. coz i had spared myself the embarrassment from falling off a bicycle like i did the last time. hahaha.

right, i gtg do my project now. or maybe later? either way, i need to make a move from here before i ramble on anything more random. bye!

p.s: i'm glad we've sorted out our feelings regarding our current situation. it sure is hard for us both, but this is really all i wanted and need from you. here's to our weekends. and some days in between if i can squeeze my time for us. (:

[edit] eh i just realised i din't bring along my Comp Prog notes when i'd already planned to do it today, here! MY GOD SO PANDAI OR WHAT!! D:< [/edit]

black and grey

2008-12-09T10:20:00.002+08:00

ugh my blog's getting more and more boring or what. -_-"

ok, today's the first day of Term Test -- EMaths 1. tomorrow will be EngineFund and hols are here! although it's just for a pathetic 2 weeks. pfft. but screw the holidays. coz just when i was thought the hols would give me time for myself, my dearest boyfriend (whom i only get to see every once in a blue moon) and of course, for this bloody blog which i've been itching to revamp on, 2 school projects just have to get in the way as part of our holiday assignments. how lame. and there's a downside to each project. one, Computer Pfrogramming (CompProg) is my weakest link. i totally suck at it and it doesn't help that it's an individual project. two, Wrtoral project is really, really a waste of time but it's a 2-person project and i team up with Shida the Sealion (inside joke, haha) so that's not too bad. except that, it means i'll have a hard time balancing out my time for school projects, visiting my dad at the hospital, and yes, once again, the dearest boyfriend. i feel so bad for the minor neglection i've been giving him. sigh.

it's all so rushing all of a sudden. i can't wait for all of these episodes to end and we all would lead our lives as before. or better.

and, as selfish as this may sound, i think i need to go shopping. huaha. oh but who am i kidding. nak save duit aje terkial-kial.